its a happy happy day

HOPPY

2009-07-07T18:58:00.001+08:00

I HAVE MOVED:-

http://www.dramatragedy.wordpress.com

see you there~

(=

xoxox
min

probably...

2009-07-05T12:43:00.002+08:00

probably i should migrate to wordpress like what samantha did. sometimes i find my online persona too "open" for my comfort. because, those who knew me in real life should know that i am actually quite "closed". i don't rant my mouth open and spout everything out. and i only talk/speak when necessary. unless, of cos, you're close to me and i would confide in you.

probably i should just migrate. =S

i'm soooo tired. what's with work, studies and personal life, i feel like i have no time to do things that i like. things that i want to splurge on, or waste my time away.

i cared alot about my personal solitude life. i feel that if i "inspect" and "analyse" myself frequent enough, i would be able to solve things in a clear headed way. i've been feeling very confused and muddled about certain thingsand i'm too tired to think, too lazy to solve them.

miss angelee said something that made me think the other day.

i only have 4 months the most, to spend with my classmates. after that, i won't be able to be with them then. how is it that i want to do things with them now? am i going to ignore each other till this 4 months? or am i going to make the best of out it and enjoy my last 4 months?

*shrugs*

i don't know. i am so restrained in my comfort circle, and i refused to budge out of it. yes, seriously. like, i am comfortable with just these few friends of mine. if i don't really like another person, i don't really want to talk to them or try to be friends with them. i find that very straining and it kills my patience and empathy. i rather reserved these to those i cherish and care for.

*shrugs*

sigh. ah well, time to work hard! update soon, i hope. (:

xoxoxo
min

MIA

2009-07-03T05:42:00.003+08:00

alrighty, the MIA spirit is coming back. yes, i really can't help myself from MIA-ing.

definition of MIA: not updating blog, appearing offline in msn, not replying sms-es, not picking up calls & tuning off in public.

yes, in general and in short: EMO-ing, like how other people seems to perceive me as.

*shrugs

just to clarify: no, i am not emo-ing. i need some space, some personal space. a very big one, though.

it's been a long time since i felt like this, waking up or being awake in the wee hours in the morning. it's a very queer feeling. everything is so quiet, cool and... calm. you can literally feel the world sleeping, feel the sun rounding up the corner and the knowledge that it would be peeking out in a few hours time.

something about being awake during this moment cause my heart to tingle. because, why am i wide awake when the world's all dead sleeping? excluding those living in the other hemisphere of the world of cos.

but, i enjoy the solitary it gives me during that time. it is strangely soothing and calming.

*sigh*

it's gonna be a loooong day later on. TGIF or even, thank God it's youth day on monday! (: but i'm almost done meeting up all my friends this week. probably monday i shall sleep my day away. (:

saturday's the award ceremony. am thinking if i should hire a bodyguard. or probably invite steven on the pretense that i'm inviting him to the ceremony. [it is not because i need protection or a wall to hide behind. i am not unconsciously using him. i am NOT.]

on a another note: who shall i invite? no, that's not the question. the question should be: who would actually make time for me? ya know, make time for attending "my" event. i don't know. *shrugs*

anyone?

=(

xoxoxo
min

叶子的离开，是因为树的不挽留，还是风把它吹走？

oh, fina introduced me to the old replays of the radio station 933 drama story or don't know what when we were on the bus to practical today. there was this particular story that made me teared up. and i blamed fina on it. HAHA. it was very sad and heart wrenching. one of the lines went like this:

因为我不能想到你对我做过的事，所以我同意离婚。
(because i can't remember any thing that you did for me, so i agree with the divorce)

many people often get into divorced cos of some nasty arguments, affairs or misunderstanding etc etc. but for this case... it was because, both party are tired. tired and clouded, because they can't seemed to remember the days when they loved each other, that both of them, were once, the reason why they're living, the reason why they're working hard.

sometimes we just expect so much from others that we didn't ever think of the things we actually did for them. the longer they stayed together, the higher their expectations goes. then all the little, miniscule things that we did just go into nil. what was left, are disappointment and resentment.

*sigh*

sentimental again. choked, too, by the lack of my limited range of vocab. *arrgghhhh.

ORAL: fail.
WRITTEN: PHail!
yes, capital PH for emphasis. (:

xoxoxo
min

WASH YOUR BODY & YOUR HANDS CHUUUU.

2009-06-27T18:58:00.002+08:00

OMG. PEOPLE WHO ADORE WONDERGIRLS GOTTA SO WATCH THIS.

i love the rap part! laughed like hell.

this reminds that i said we're gonna make a bmc version of nobody for miss angelee. LOL. hopefully we'll be able to do it. (:

xoxoxo
min

bugger

2009-06-27T12:38:00.003+08:00

i seriously don't understand why i'm the only who's bothered.

bothered to take into consideration about people around me, thinking for others, treading carefully and minding their feelings. i try my best to help them, help them lighten their burden or solve their problems.

but what do i get back in return? i am not trying to be a good samaritan. it's okay you can't feel my sincerity in helping, but instead, you turn around and stab me in the back. no, stab me in the heart. how would i feel?? have you ever thought about that??

i am trying my best to make things right, makes things easy. i work and study at the same time. whether i have the capabilities or the abilities to do so, i always put others in front of me. even i can't do it, i will do it for you. because i care and love them alot.

i am not being a goody good person. i am just trying to help those people, those that i knew and cherished alot. it hurts me deeply to see them in pain.

i always felt that i am a very fortunate person. help is always around me. i am always surrounded by people who loved and cared about me, some even unconditionally despite me being a pain-in-the-ass for my moodswings and my behavior. some always stick beside me, even when i am not rich, funny, witty, pretty, cool, knowledgeable or fun to be with around. to be honest, i am really a boring person. i find myself very hard to carry a conversation. i don't know what to say. in other words, content very dryyy. the way of speaking is good, language is good, but no content, very superficial.

despite that, some people still stuck around with me and i am really grateful for it. i hate myself for not being able to open up to them. i rather take in all the pain, all by myself, then to let them worry and be careful about me.

i could be an asshole, you know? i could be like my younger bro. he don't work. all he does is to open his mouth and ask money from my mother. and school? most of the time he doesn't even attend. he doesn't even have half a cuckoo mind about what's happening in the family.

he don't know and he don't care. even if he knew, did he even try to make things better? did he put us in front of himself. no, he didn't even bother.

so why am i suffering here and have to be hurt by those insolent and inconsiderate heartless bastards?

xoxoxo
min

tired

2009-06-21T15:44:00.006+08:00

yes, these few days all i want to do is sleep. yes, with my ipod on.

don't know who took this picture, but it revealed 3 facts about my sleeping pattern.

1. i like to sleep with the lights on. don't know why.
2. i always listen to music while trying to float to sleep.
3. i sleep sideways, hugging my bolster. and i MUST have my bolster to sleep.

anyway, yesterday was a fun day! =) celebrated an early birthday for mummy lim! most photos are in nikki's and marcus's camera. don't know if i'll get them. =( hopefully, they'll them up on facebook. (:

some photos that i have. i have uploaded the rest in my facebook. (:

qin ai de & me @ mac. love the foggy-ness.

me & da jie @ xin wang cafe.

HAHA. qin ai de, da jie & me.

us girls @ mac. i love this photo! mummy lim look so cute! cow looked so cool. =X

ooh, i realised my shirt color is about the same as da jie's! (:

by the way, the above pics were taken by 3 different phones. namely, mine, marcus's samsung omnia and joa's nokia E71. (: can spot which pic is taken by which phone? ^^

aaah, i love my girls! <3

morning met up with nikki & ken han at jurong point to decorate the cake. it was pretty fun, doing the icings, though nikki sprayed green icing on my spiderman bag accidentally. it was hilarious because she was so intent on getting the icing properly in the bag that she forgotten when she squeezed the bag, icings will spurt out.

after that, we left to kovan for xin wang cafe. left the cake there and reserved a place for 10 at night. bought food and we trained down to somerset for karoke.

met up with marcus and michelle. joa & mummy came at a later time.

karoke was fun! played with the tambourines and the macarenas. (: extended 1 hour in karoke then we trained down back to kovan to meet cow.

had dinner there and was laughing like hell there. joa, marcus & mummy were hilarious! cracking lame jokes like the chilli sauce aka cosmetics and acting crazy. haha. took lots & lots of pictures.

after that, da jie came! (: was fooling around about milk tea and the "si mi dai zi." HAHA. then every dessert we ordered had to be checked for poisons and performed QA checks on them by joa & marcus.

obviously they just want to taste and eat them.

joa busted herself when checking nikki's dessert, some red bean mochi ice cream.

she said: "*eating the red bean paste* wait, still can't taste anything."
nikki: give me back already~~
joa: wait wait! this one must eat with ice cream then nice!

busted! she just wants to eat. haha.

then there's the ice lemon tea joke and the ice cream joke.

mummy: give me 1 ice lemon tea.
waitress: you want hot or cold?
marcus: huh? got hot ice lemon tea arh?
mummy: i thought is ice lemon tea?
marcus: it's ICE lemon tea.
waitress: orh orh. sorry.

another joke.

me: *point to the mango pomelo sago with ice cream* is that hot or cold?
waitress: it's cold.
mummy: ah min you very funny leh. ice cream got hot one meh?
me: haha, sorry lah sorry.

when my dessert came...

mummy, marcus, joa: wah, sio arh sio! *hot arh hot in hokkien*
me: ...
joa: wait, must QA.
marcus: wah! see so hot! got steam coming out. must blow first.
joa: wait! i must check first!
marcus: i check!
*the 2 of them bickering and bickering.*
mummy: don't fight le lah! you push here push there, [the dessert] hot one also turn cold liao lah!
everyone: *laugh*

after a rowdy time, we asked the xin wang staff to bring out the cake. hee hee! sang birthday songs then cut the cake! played around with the cream. then left for mac to sit around and chit chat.

took pictures again and entertain ourselves with the 'nobody' song! HAH! it's practically everywhere lah! just now i was walking past OP and they were playing that song too! you can never run away from it! so don't even try! see what happened to miss angelee when she was in phucket. she tried to ignore the song and end up in phucket, it came haunting her again! ^^

left and took cab home with joa, da jie and cow. (:

can't wait to meet up with them again! ^^

on a side note, i think what debbie and i were talking about last time at pizzahut about the child thingy is getting into me. whenever i see naughty children, i just feel like whacking them. HAH. yesterday i was like, if debbie was with me, we'll be thinking of ways as to how to smack them all to discipline them. hahaha.

i miss her and samantha. =(

okies, end here. i'm tired and kelly's hungry. gotta go~

xoxoxo
min

Y.A.I

2009-06-18T18:04:00.002+08:00

YOU.ARE.IGNORED.

seriously, i don't know what i'm feeling right now.

sometimes, i hate the feeling of being ignored.

but, i have this bad unconscious habit of ignoring people.

i honestly don't know what i want anymore.

there's always this feeling of emptiness plaguing me whenever i am despite being surrounded by friends and people. sometimes when i'm alone, i ask myself, "why am i alone?"

why, till this day, i'm always doing things alone.

i just saw one of my very very old friend. i hadn't been in contact with him for like... 3years or so. when we were in the early stages of our friendship, i remembered him telling me how inferior he felt when he was in poly. he felt that no one can get along with him, in the sense that, being out of sync with his classmates.

i felt that way too, at that point of time, and funnily, both of us got along pretty well. it was when he changed another job, i felt like he became another person. not that i was jealous he had a better job than me at that time, but it seemed like he was finally being accepted. he found friends whom he can get along really well. friends whom he can talk to in the middle of night, or go out drinking, watching movies and shopping or so forth. i really envied him.

it proved to me that we were totally 2 different person and that he had moved on when there was 1 time, we talked on msn. barely 1/2hr to conversation, he remarked that he felt it was difficult talking to me, he gets irritated talking to me.

ever since that day, we no longer talk anymore.

now when i see him, i don't even know if i should greet him. what's worse, he had a friend with him. and it just reminds me that, we are too different. and in just somewhere, something is seriously wrong with me.

probably i was born a loner, or maybe its in the genes.

aah. i don't know.

i get tired easily these few days. my excuse being: i'm tired from the high expectations my teachers had of me.

"hui ming, beat the admiralty students! i know you can do it!"

seriously... i am not a competitive student. probably what mr dev said made some sense. he said if we don't have competition, we'll be content with what we are now. with competition, it makes us want to win and strive forward.

thing is... why mark a person as their target? shouldn't they keep trying to win themselves, to outdo themselves instead of outdo-ing other people??

i don't know. i mean, let's say B got 50 and A has 51. should A be happy that he won B and got the highest in class? but that's the standard of A. A only scores around 50+. what's got A so happy about when he's still there and not improving at all???

that's the whole fucking point of competition. being the top and winning others. they get happy and contented when they are at the top. so what if you're the top?? you are not moving at all.

i really want to do well. but i hate the disappointment when people thinks that i'm not up to standard. seriously, i'm no genius. why does people keep manifying my failures and interpreting them as something really ominous?

why can't i be average for once?

i'm tired. really.

and i feel like i can't trust anyone. just so to let you guys know, i don't appreciate people telling other people about how i feel or my innermost thoughts.

i hate the whooping feeling as though i missed a step when some weird people come up to me and say: "i hear you don't really like this person..." blah blah blah or something else.

please, give me some respect. i told you this thing because i trust that you understand how i feel and it is not to be told to anyone else, even it's our mutual friend.

i am PMS-ing really bad, so pardon me.

xoxo
min

pooppped

2009-06-16T14:05:00.002+08:00

im pooped. the thought of prelims just 3months later is causing me to tremble and break into cold sweats. time really flies. it seemed almost like school had only just started yesterday and i still have 8months to study. just a blink of the eye, voila! mid years are over and prelims are just round the corner to give you the biggest gotcha of the year.

bah.

pretty much gotten back all my results. seeing my results, especially science, it is starting to freak me out. how am i supposed to get an A1 in my O levels when i merely just pass my chem and phy? what's more, my memory is starting to conk up on me. i can't seemed to remember that well...

=(

samantha told us about the DPA (direct poly admission) a few days ago. i was very tempted to go for it. but i was confused as to what course i wanna go.

i still don't know what i want to do. *sigh*

i wanna earn big bucks in a short amount of time. anyone got any idea?

=(

xoxoxo
min

drained-away

2009-06-11T19:53:00.002+08:00

barely the first week of school, i felt as though my life was screwed up. badly.

with the conflicting new timetable, everything seemed so messy. not only have we gotta drag ourselves back to the exam mood, we also had to deal with the new timetable. the new remedials teachers and so.

just exactly what was wrong with the previous timetable? i mean, i'm happy with it. probably cut a few teachers' lessons and lengthen some of the core subjects' lessons.

probably i should write another petition or email to the management.

khine soe called me just now to ask me to write a petition/formal letter to the school requesting for extra POA lessons. first time writing such thing, i'm kinda nervous. because somehow, i feel that the outcome of it depends on me.

WHY MEEEEE~~~!!!
i don't even take POA. =\

nonetheless, i promised khine soe, so i'm researching on how to write a petition/formal letter now.

stressed.

3 more months till prelims. with the fucked up timetable now, how am i gonna organize myself to revise and study? zahira told me to try out the new timetable for a week or so, but thing is, do we have the time to do so?

many of my teachers said that they don't have time to cover the whole syllabus, so tell me, do they think we have time to trial and error the freaking new timetable??

seriously, what are they thinking?? i don't mind if it's the start of the year, but this last 4 months are crucial for us. what are they playing at??

there's this nagging feeling that the management are trying to get back at us for turning down the merging proposal earlier this year. the management should think for US not them. honestly, is that how they run a business??

arghhhh.

stressed.

not to mention, i'm in charge of the 2 shops now. hopefully boss would be a little more automatic regarding the payments and such. dealing with the suppliers are a lil bit tricky, but i have already shelf out monday evening for it. just hope that things won't cocked up on me.

bleep bleep. i'm tired. i haven't done any homework yet. a maths lesson was atrocious. mr angsary just zoomed all the way in trigometry last lesson. it was only the basic of trigo [as what he kept saying.], i was already sagging with the overwhelming formula of trigo.

what's worse, i have a personal grudge against trigo. cosine, sine, tangent and titter irritate me. A LOT. [2 words.]

baa baa black sheep. i really ought to start with the petition/formal letter now. blog again soon! ^^

xoxoxo
min

ooh, i just thought of something that i wanted to blog about.

somehow, i feel that i can't be too happy about my results for e maths and english. even if i topped the class, i just get this feeling that mr dev expects more from it. he once told me that, he refuses to praise me even though i did well.

yes, i did did well. but that was my standard. he expected me to go beyond the standard. and if i didn't, he sees no point in praising me.

i bet he expects me to get A1 and beat the admiralty students. that's what i think. he told me that when he wrote our e maths marks on the attendance list. constant competition. i hate that. really.

and it is no longer a healthy compeition anymore, if one of the party turns to violence.

yes, the admiralty students said they would whack me if they see me.

somehow, i can't take that as a joke.

how?

LONG

2009-06-10T21:31:00.000+08:00

*UBERLY LONG POST. READ ONLY IF YOU AREN'T TIRED OF READING WHAT I WROTE.*

the other day i was working and i witnessed how different the female and male mind works.

female: so you want to buy this?
male: we don't need to buy that.

see! for female its "want" more than "need". but for males, they think of "need" before "want". isn't the human mind incredible?

anyway, school had reopened and i had taken back nearly all my results. i wouldn't say i'm very satisfied with it, but i'm happy with it. yeah. i mean, it's just mid year. 2 years down the road, i doubt i'll remember i failed my mid year a maths paper 1.

on a side note, i would like to point out and highlight that my mind has a selective memory. i *cough* remember only *cough* certain *cough* things. yeah. (:

indulging indeed.

here's my results:

english paper 1: 34/60

e maths paper 1: 72/80 (:

a maths paper 1: 38/84 (:(:

chemistry paper 1: 9/20
chemistry paper 2: 35/60

physics paper 1: 15/20
physics paper 2: 36.5/60

chinese paper 1: 55/70
chinese paper 2: 55/70

literature papers : gone case

i told ayuni that i will fail my a maths paper. it's a confirm plus chop. but she insisted that i won't fail cos, according to her words: "since when have you fail any paper?"

but then i'm gonna quote samantha's reply for this: "this will be the first paper you fail and the last."

(:

it was shocking though, that i managed to scrap a 38 for that paper. i was gauging around 10-20. yeah, so actually, i'm very happy about it. khine soe asked a very good question when i met up with them at LJS for lunch, "why are you so happy you fail your paper?"

i mean, what else do you expect me to do? mop around the whole day? if truth to be told, [well, i practically publicized here in my blog] that i did not study THAT HARD for a maths. plus all the missed lessons, it's not that surprising. on a meaner note: i deserved it.

probably cos the lesser you put in the effort, the lower you hope for, and when you fall, it doesn't hurt that much.

i agree, but we should never just hope for that little in life, that's what i feel.

pardon me for saying this, it's just my thoughts and views. i'm not insinuating at anyone. don't get all misunderstood and hurt.

i've seen and heard how some people feel during pre-exams. they go into the pessimissm mode. they don't feel the push, the kick, the drive to keep on studying. they think they can't make it. if they think they can't do it, they don't even want to try. cos of the sense of humiliation and embarrassment when everyone knows about your failing. you would wish you can go to hell and never resurface again.

and that's why, they rather stick with what they can do, and can do well, and push it all the way so that they can get an A. they don't care about, let's say, maths. my maths suck, i don't think i can make. i don't want to do it. waste my time i spend time doing it and still not getting it. i could have use this time to do something else.

true true, it makes sense, makes some logic. but, we are in O levels, another term: we're in secondary school period. probably some people didn't know about it, but holistic [thanks to PL] means wholesome education. being a all-rounder and so.

it means being able to handle both academics and cca. let's just change the cca part to our own personal lives. we have our outside friends to care about, family, work and etc. that's our cca, for us private students.

academics. in case we have forgotten, since when have we been able to choose what we want to study and ignore the rest? [except for steaming year. but then again, there's the electives. damn, i'll never get away from geog.] in government schools, we are taught [not torched] everything. except for the core subjects, every lessons have the equal time. the teachers put in same effort to teach you these subjects. if you don't understand, they'll help you with it.

so why are you shunning away from these subjects when help is always around?? it is you. you are the one who is blocking yourself. and if things turned sucky for you, you only have yourself to blame. not the teachers, the dumb subjects, your parents, your friends or whatever shit. it is you who failed. you turned away from the helpline and chose to jump off the cliff then reach out for their hands.

there's this very meaningful line in my GCE O level chinese paper: "绊倒我们的，始终是心里那消沉的敌人。"

really, i would even audaciously say that 80% of the times we failed was because we were blinded by ourselves. our fears. our uncertainities. we stumbled and we got lost.

if only we have that a little bit of determination, that little bit of faith and courage, we would have acheived our goals.

pride and ego will really kill someone. some people might not get it, but i experienced the pain of getting hurt by pride and ego.

i honestly thought that 4 years ago, i would be able to promote to sec 4, despite not attending school for half the year. i was rejected, though it was conveyed to me in a very shaddy manner. the teachers refused to tell me the truth that it was because i did not attend school thus my attendance did not pass and that i did not take my tests/exams so i could not be promoted. instead, they said it in a way that it would not hurt my feelings. it was very muffled.

even so, it was very clear cut. even if i did attend school, my results would still cause me to retain. but at that time, i did not know. i was very proud. i thought that with my intelligence, i could persuade the teachers to let me in into sec 4. i was determined. i swear to them that i would work extra hard so that i could manage both sec 3 and sec 4.

the teacher humoured me, somewhat psycho-ing me. she said that if i did well for sec 3, i would get a shot at sec 4. i thought that with my brain, i can do it. simple.

2 months passed or even less, i failed terribly. not only i was unduly influenced by my environment, i was having difficulties coping with my work and my academics. i left school once again. i told the teachers i could make it and that i am going to change my life. but, all these are big words. i am nothing, but a [wo]man who talk big but can't keep [her] his words.

i knew this would shame me for the rest of my life. so i refused to go back to PL. yes, even till now. i couldn't bring myself to face them. i was proud and arrogant, i thought i could make it. but everyone around me, especially the teachers, had already known, that it's a tall feat and i would not be able to do so. it was their sympathizing look and the concern for my "face" that make me even more shameful.

3 years ago, i told myself i'll self-study and get a private O. i could do that. that was my plan when my teachers asked me if i am not going to PL, what am i going to do. i told them haughtily that i am going to self-study and get a private O. as for money, i would get myself attached to a drama troupe and work as a theatre manager/staff. i was really certain about it. i was very firm. i mean, who could reject a smart person like me? [pardon me, it was the old me]

but of cos, the teacher was unimpressed. she told me that what if they[the theatre] don't accept you because you don't have a cert? i told her that i had another job, and if i scrimped a little, i could save up for my studies. another unimpressed and sympathy look.

but i didn't care. at that moment, i didn't care. all i knew was, they had hurt my pride when they rejected me. during assembly, i stood at the sec 3 lanes, watching my sec 4 friends talking among themselves. i couldn't join them, even if i did, when i return back to my lane, i saw the faces of "my classmates". that confused and pitying look. i could only stood around with them strangers, and watch my sec 4 friends happily talking with each other and walking to their classrooms, together.

and so i tried private. self-studying for don't know what am i doing until i gave up. it wasn't a long period. probably a month or so. i couldn't make it. everyone i knew was going to school, receiving proper education, but me? i was stucked here with no one to turn to for help.

i scolded myself for choosing that path a million times, but did that change anything? that moment had already passed. that moment when i chose to shut my ears to rationality and go with my recklessness, my life had already changed. it takes just a moment, and that moment ruined my life.

it was working in the society that made me realised that, no matter how smart i am or think i am, without a cert, nobody cares. honestly. you go for interview, you tell them you are very smart and they ask for certs and you say you don't have because you didn't take but you reassure them that you are really smart and capable, you think they would believe you?

hell no!

that's why i came back to school. that's why i refused to let my ego and pride manuverve me in my life. so what if i don't know what the class is talking about? i am not going to give up. i am going to study till i understand. my goal is to score distinctions for my O levels, not my mid years. so what i fail my mid years? at least i know where i'm good at, where i'm standing. then move on from there.

i am not going to let the fear of losing/humiliation out keeps me from playing the game. or taking exams, for my case.

honestly, who cares about what you do in schools? it's the cert that the rest of your life is depending on. it's the society that you need to prove to. it might be that moment of shamefulness, but it's just a moment. you still have the rest of your life.

time muddles and toys with people. many things fade away with time, so does memories and feelings.

never think that you can't do it. go for it, at least try and do it.

"i had tried my best. i have no regrets."-William hung.

i fully understand this line. remember the filming issue? time was short, i don't have resources and all? but i still go forth with it, and when i think back now about it, it wasn't the disappointment i felt because i wasn't chosen. i was filled with the joy and happiness throughout the filming. i was really happy i tried and never give up till the end. [though it's mainly thanks to nikki who talked me into going all the way for it. ^^]

and if i gave up at that MOMENT, when i think back about it. it would be the depressed me sitting opposite nikki in that gloomy darkened room. everything was hopeless.

see? it makes such a big difference! you will be surprised by one's determination. it really can do wonders.

aaah. such a long post. i know it's all talk. you gotta experience it then you'll understand. but i hope, at least, hearing my story, you guys would feel that little motivation in you. let that fear of losing get you going forward in the game! (=

xoxoxo
min

audition

2009-06-06T17:04:00.002+08:00

i downloaded audi again. after like... 8months or so? i became so damn noob lah.

don't know what makes me download it. probably cos jasmine asked me to play audi and i got a sudden urge to play too.

or probably i was so pissed that i decided to play audi to relax myself.

i missed some of my audi buddies. like bing, alvin, mint etc. the old gang.

audi changed so much already. *sigh*

feel so old and noob.

=X

MYSTICALFLAME BACK IN ACTION! WHOOHOOO!

xoxoxo
min

MOODY

2009-06-06T12:01:00.004+08:00

YES, ME.

feeling altogether so wronged, tired, fretful, worried and bored.
despite wearing my cheer up tee-shirt.

*sigh*

i'm sick and tired of working. i am gonna rant abit. no, not a bit. but a big bit!

those fucking customers. fucking hell no brains. HELLO?! are you guys ADULTS?! didn't your parents/teachers taught you all MANNERS?! you messed up my shop like it's nobody business and you just LEAVE. farking hell can't you put back where you took it from? IS THAT SO DIFFICULT TO DO?!

alright, i know, you can't be bothered to do so cos its the fucking salesgirl's job to do so. to clear the shit you left behind.

let's be nice. i know, you're scared to put it back where it was cos it might tumble. fine. then what about a fucking zipper? fucking that stupid lady. take the pencil case, unzip, and drop it back where it was. IS THAT SO HARD TO ZIP IT BACK?

i glared at that muthafucker and snatched the pencil case up and zip it back. before she left, i said loudly, "OMG. CAN'T EVEN ZIP IT BACK."

i know she heard me cos she turned back and look at me.

go complain me lah. i scared arh? who says that you fuckers as consumers have the right to MESSED UP EVERYTHING and just leave? this is simple manners, take and put back where it was, NICELY. who says that, just because YOU ARE CUSTOMERS, you can go to other shops, flip the world upside down and leave scott-free? fuck these stupid high and mighty fuckers.

then to the battery operated things. please lah. you complain that there is no battery in the thing, then you should know better not to keep playing with it and wasting the battery. is that my fault for the low battery power in it??? you customers keep saying, "oh, i need to try then i'll know" and you keep playing with it. play and play then you say you don't want to buy.

WHAT THE FUCK.

so it's my fault right?

and please, this is NOT A CHILD CARE CENTER. DON'T LEAVE YOUR FUCKING KIDS HERE TO DESTROY MY SHOP. YOU KNOW VERY WELL THAT THEY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THINGS SO ALL THE MORE, YOU SHOULD NOT LET THEM NEAR MY ITEMS. just now got 1 fucking asshole. stood there and let his daughter play with my musical book for 5 mins, and he wasn't even looking at my other products. he was letting his daughter entertaining herself with the book so HE DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AFTER HER.

FUCKER!!!!

i faked a call to my supplier telling her loudly that i DO NOT WANT BATTERY OPERATED BOOKS COS THE BATTERY KEEPS GOING FLAT AND NO ONE BUYS THEM AT ALL.

i hope the muthafucker hear that. i bet he did. cos he kept looking over here with a sour look on his face.

there's another muthafuckers. stood at the shelves complaining how inadequate my products are. she and her friend stood there, gossiping for fucking 20 minutes and her friend said: "oh, i have a conference call at 2 o'clock. i gotta leave soon."

then she came over to the counter and pay for 1 fucking miserable book. her friend then went to play with my electronic gadget. play and play and when her friend is done, she brusquely stuff my toy back onto the shelf. she spotted me looking at her and she tried to turn it off, but failed and she just left.

i went to switch off the battery and said loudly: "NO WONDER THERE'S NO BATTERY."

i know, 2 of the shoppers in the shop heard me and when they pay up, their faces were BLACK. i knew they think i shouldn't have made that comment. they think it is alright for them to play with the toys till there's no batteries. in case they didn't know, there is no "SAMPLE" sticker pasted on the toys, so that means, it is for sales too.

USE YOUR BRAINS AND BE CONSIDERATE CAN?? must you play for such a long time? and what's worse, you're not buying it in the end. you are just entertaining yourself. free entertainment, who doesn't want?

fuck you all. i fucking hate these idiots.

lastly, ASK FOR SALES ASSISTANCE LAH. YOU THINK YOU VERY SMART IS IT? CANNOT ASK FOR HELP ARH?? THINK WHAT? YOU KNOW EVERYTHING IS IT? IS IT SO HARD TO ASK FOR HELP?

fuckers.

i am pissed!!!!!!!!!!

xoxoxo
min

O LEVEL CHINESE @ expo. LONG QUEUE~~~
ohyeah, that guy is wearing a cheer up tee-shirt too. (:

mummy and i went to plaza sing on wednesday and we saw dinosaurs!! ^^

A PLAN

2009-06-04T12:15:00.002+08:00

i seriously need a PLAN.

i need to PLAN and ORGANIZE.

and with that, i need a planner and organizer.

nah! i'm just joking!

on a sidenote, aren't those things the same? planner and organizer? hmmm.

ahwell.

i feel like my life is so messed up. especially about my work stuff. eversince jen quit and boss throws everything for me to do, i felt so... messed up. i need organize everything.

i need to make sure that all the suppliers stuff must be dealed with ASAP. cos i know, if i let slip, it will be another 2 or 3 weeks before i realize that again.

i need settle all the accounts stuff. 2 shops, no joke! i still need to work at the same time too. =(

bloody pay is still so miserable.

*sigh*

i can't wait to go back school. this holiday is TOTALLY ALMIGHTILY BORING. i didn't go out at all. my poly friends are all having their mid-sems or up their elbows with projects, i feel bad for distrupting them.

for me, it's work work and work. for the sake of money, i shall PUSH!

anyway, on last monday i finally went for my first official O levels paper: CHINESE.

ohman, there's freaking alot of private students taking O level Chinese! 60% of them are CHINA CHINESE. bah, they freak me out. they are so overwhelming that for a split moment, i thought, i was in China. and i couldn't tease V and X, cos i scared them Cheenas will gang up come and stomp on me.

and i would die, without taking any O levels.

;(

i thought i was really gonna die after the paper, not because of them Cheenas stamping on me spewing their Cheena version of swear words, but i totally screwed myself up on paper 1.

i did qn 1 and at the top of the page, i wrote qn 2.

i don't understand why i wrote qn 2 on the paper. it just came to me. i think i'm gonna flunk. big time. there i was, happily telling debbie and eugene that i did gong han, qn 2 and 3. when i don't-know-who told me gong han was question 1.

ARGH.

ahwell, there's always the end-of-year paper. i can retake. =(

am restarting rhapsody: a musical adventure cos i think i hit a bug, i can't seemed to find alfred and his stupid koro's grave. =(

shall end here then~

xoxoxo
min

amusing, not

2009-05-31T11:56:00.002+08:00

life, is such an oxymoron thing. to say it's beautiful, i wouldn't totally agree with it. life is filled with so many struggles, obstacles and many other hurtful things, making this seemingly beautiful place ugly.

life seems so long, long enough to make us burn with shame and embarrassment everytime we think about all the embarrassing things we have done before. though those incidents may happened long long ago, but the embarrassment is still there, haunting you for the rest of your long life.

yet, life is short and limited. you will never know when this life would end. you will never know that tomorrow might be the last day you get to see or experience in this life. it would seem so wasted if all we cared is to be "perfect", and deny to enjoy every aspect of life. (yes, including the most pai-seh moment of your life)

time is a funny business. it makes people forget, but it makes people remember too. forget the grudge and the hurt from the old times but remember with fondness of the good old days.

*sigh*

i don't know why i'm getting sentimental recently.

xoxoxo
min

HORRIDAY

2009-05-29T22:14:00.002+08:00

i'm absolutely bored. yes, i ought to be kicked in the butt for saying this, but i am bored. it's the holidays and i'm screaming bored.

when it's not the holidays, i'm whining for a break. when it's the holidays, i whined that it's boring.

seriously, what is wrong then?

i spent wednesday working, thursday rolling around at home, and friday going out with my family for a movie.

saturday there's lit paper, sunday it's working. monday it's O level chinese paper and if i don't plan anything for the rest of next week, it will be working working and working for me.

i really NEED to plan some outings.

note: DESPERATELY.

just caught Night At the Museum 2 with my family just now at amk hub. hmms. it's alright, i guess. i mean, it's funny but... i don't feel anything for it. like, no revelation, no thoughtful insights or whatever.

i wanna catch angels and demons. =( it's not shown in cathay. BOOOOO~~~~~

had a funny conversation with my family this afternoon. my mum was singing her favourite song to herself. it was the chinese song called 心太软.

mum: 夜深了你还不想睡。
me: 现在是下午。
mum: 你还在想着他吗？
me: 我没有想他的妈妈。
mum: *laugh* 你这样痴情到底累不累
me: 我听你唱歌更累。
mum: *LAUGH*

after that she switched on the computer to sing along with the music. but my mum is lousy at keeping the beat and rhythm, she kept singing early. so my bro said:

bro: 你可以跟着音乐唱吗？
mum: *continue singing valiantly, and yes, still faster than the beat.*
bro: 不然你现在从头开始再唱，等一下再开歌？你唱完了就刚刚好。
me & mum: *LAUGH*

what my bro said crack me up lah. then my bro joined in the "fast" singing with my mum.

like mother like son.

anyway, hopefully tomorrow i'll remember to wake up for my lit paper. i feel so... sianzed when i think about travelling down to dhoby ghaut.

bleep bleep.

xoxoxo
min

2009-05-27T13:41:00.002+08:00

awwwwwwwwwww!!! look at this cutie! ^^

a few days back, i saw a baby polar bear on the tv news. i don't know if it's knut, or it's flocke. but knut looks cuter, so i decided to put his pic here.

AWWWWW. he looks so cutee and tiny!!

baby polar bear looks so cute. but when they grow up, *ahem* they became *cough* not *cough* that cute as before.

*bear paw swipe on my head* OUCHHH.

anyway, the stressful part of the exams are finally over!! hooray! yesterday i enjoyed myself during my a maths paper 2. i think, if i'm lucky, i had gotten all the questions that i know how to do correct. yes. i am quite confident about it.

i was sad to say that i had forgottened how to do the circles thingy and the cordinate geometry. i thought after an intensive "training" for coordinate geometry with xiang heng the day before, my coordinate geometry should be okay.

but it turns out to be not. =\

aah well. at least i am happy that i did half the paper! (= so proud of myself.

bleep bleep. i have 2 days of holiday before the literature exam. samantha posed a good question the other day. what book am i being tested?

i have no freaking idea. i have chain missed 5 lessons. i totally have no idea.

but then again, i am gonna go take the exam, do what i can do and leave. yes... i mean, it's all for the experience. and i also want to know where i am standing, my score, that it.

aah. i'm so bored. got myself hopelessly addicted to the 'nobody' song by wondergirls. not really an addiction, just that the stupid lyrics and tune keep popping into my head.

"i want nobody nobody but you~~
i want nobody nobody but you~~"

then i'll think of miss angelee.

SHE IS CRAZY I TELL YOU. the craziest invigilator i ever met in my 10 years course of exam takings.

first:

-She had a fetish for stapling random stuff. i.e: rubber, someone's hair etc.

second:

-She will come next to you and squeal your name, or give you an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

third:

-She steals the students stuff and hide them in somewhere to antagonize them. i.e: slippers (samantha & ayuni's case), jacket (jung min)

fourth:

-She likes to disturb people by reporting the *cough* in *cough* accurate time.
i.e:
her: "okay, you have 10minutes left"
class: "HUH???!!!!"
her: "no lah! just joking only! you have 1 more hour to go."

i.e:
her : "you have 1/2 an hour left. oh, plus 2 minutes."

fifth:

-She sings the 'Nobody' song to you from every direction. from the side, in front and behind you. practically, everywhere.
what's worse, she sang in a slow and tantalizing way. really annoys you when you're doing maths.

well, she's gonna get it after the exams. i'm gonna sing that freaking song everytime i see her. probably i'll learn the dance too. ^^

bleep bleep. i'm boreddddd.

i wanna go cycling, sun tan, watch movie and sing songs. =(

*sigh*

let's wait the rest of my classmates to finish their exams then plan again. (:

xoxoxo
min

eddie: hello, it's good to meet you, my name is vernon.
aunt bunny: hello, i'm bunny. gooni goo goo.

gooni goo goo. (:

2009-05-23T12:53:00.003+08:00

EXAM TIMETABLE

~~20TH MAY - COMBINED PHY/CHEM PRACTICAL~~

21ST MAY - ENGLISH PAPER
A MATHS PAPER 1

~~22ND MAY - MOTHER TONGUE PAPER~~

25TH MAY - COMBINED SCIENCE PAPER

26TH MAY - E MATHS PAPER
A MATHS PAPER 2

30TH MAY - LITERATURE PAPER

whoopeee! 3 more papers and i'm free! though it should be... 4 exactly...

a maths killed me the other day. 4 pages in total, and i skipped the last 2 pages cos i don't really know how to do coordinate geometry and such. i skipped 2 questions in page 2 and busted myself on partial fraction and remainder/factor theorem.

AWESOME.

not to mention, mr angsary gave us LOTS of tips on this exam and i totally screwed it up. poor mr angsary, he'll probably die marking my paper.

you students have the power to kill a teacher, you know? - Mr Dev.

anyway, i'm just gonna chiong my paper2. hopefully it will pull my marks up and scrap at least a measly just pass for this exams.

*sigh*

combined science coming. physics seemed kinda easy... but it could confusing and mind boggling too. i hope sabira doesn't have high hopes for my chemistry test. i refuse to believe that my chemistry is that good. i spent 2 days staring into chemistry and nothing went it. even blarddy mole concept, which i thought i had grasp it, seemed so... fucked up to me.

this reminds me of our "self-study group". haha, supposed to mug for exams, end up we talk cock (according to moses) for the whole day.

there's this ominous black cloud (literally or not) that's hovering over my head everytime i think about getting my results the next next week. this black cloud just won't go away and it's gonna haunt me until i get my results. or even worse.

*sigh*

God, s[H]ave me!

xoxoxo
min

----

i just kena a magic trick by one of my suppliers' kids. it's spooking me out. first, he asked me put out my 2 hands face down, apart from each other like... 50cm.

then he asked me close my hands.

then he used this marker and press down onto my hand.

it left a blue liquid spot on it.

then he asked to rub on the liquid till its gone.

*rub rub rub*

then he asked me to turn my hand, palms facing up.

i saw a blue mark streak on my palms.

FREAK!

how did he do that?! i was so shocked! the kids giggle and giggle. so cute they 2 boys. mr tickle and daniel the shy magician. ((:

alright, shall study a maths now. no more slacking ms toh!

2009-05-17T12:09:00.010+08:00

EXAM TIMETABLE

20TH MAY - COMBINED PHY/CHEM PRACTICAL

21ST MAY - ENGLISH PAPER
A MATHS PAPER 1

22ND MAY - MOTHER TONGUE PAPER

25TH MAY - COMBINED SCIENCE PAPER

26TH MAY - E MATHS PAPER
A MATHS PAPER 2

30TH MAY - LITERATURE PAPER

why do i feel like my exam papers timetable is so fudged? there i was, studying hard for science when i realised science paper is on the next next week.

FUDGE.

i should prepare for a maths instead. bah! xiang heng took my notes! and i missed miss angelee's class.

ARGHHHHHHHH.

come to think of it, exams aren't that tough at all. had fun doing work, power and energy worksheet yesterday.

gonna do chemistry later. then tomorrow probably i'll meet xiang heng at school to take my a maths notes.

i can't wait for exams to be over. (=

dudey went back to brunei already. awwwwww.

xoxoxo

min

PICS

@CHANGI AIRPORT TO FETCH DUDEY

younger bro act decent. =\

GAY

LATER DINNER @ S'GOON CENTRAL

DINNER @ TAMPINES 1

met kumar, ex-manager of cpp mac. he came over to this restaurant early this year. so conincidental to see him at T1.

guess who's behind this?

cowie acting cool.

jen and my drinks. 7 up and root beer float.

jen's spicy drumsticks.

cow's fish and chips.

my grilled chicken. not bad. (:

measly 1 scoop ice cream.

MISSING CHILDHOOD.

introducing...

SAMANTHA!

burst shots are so fun! ought to play with them more. (:

MISSED FLIGHT @ CHANGI AIRPORT.

DUDEY IS HIDEOUS.

i told you.

i hate cockroaches.

flight

2009-05-15T15:09:00.003+08:00

imma laugh my fucking ass off.

dudey just missed his plane flight.

thanks so much. really thanks so much.

~~i could have been punctual for mr dev's class if not for this.~~

i could have attended ms angelee's class.

fuck this shit and fuck dudey.

well, i am not going to give myself any more excuses. i am not going to use my situation right now as an excuse for an easy life. i don't need sympathy. i am honestly really tired. i am being tied down by problems which an average 19year old doesn't have to go through. maybe even some of those adults hadn't even had these problems before. i am trying my best to handle them well. apparently i failed to do so. why does people have to keep digging into it? why do they had to make me feel bad that i am not doing well.

like i said, i am not going to use my situation as an excuse. but thing is, i am just 19. tell me, how am i going to handle these problems when adults can't even do so? there's so many things i hadn't experienced. i don't know what to do on these situations. i have no one to turn to but myself. i am all by myself. why do you guys gonna keep stamping on my head and reminding me that i am still not that good despite the efforts i had put in?

does showing results means something than putting effort? if you don't show any results, does that mean you don't put in effort?

stop assuming, alright. stop assuming that people who go to BMC are rich kids. they have time, they have the money, they have the leisure and liberty to DO WHATEVER THEY WANT.

i thought you'd understand. but apparently i was wrong. i knew what you went through, but i'm not like you. if you had understood what i've said before, you wouldn't had said those words. maybe it works for other people, but not for me.

i thought you'd understand.

i am going backwards and backwards again. i won't be surprised if i flunk the exams. right, i know i'm being very pessimistic. i am being very what. people say i have the brains and i should really cherish it and study well. i shouldn't waste my time anymore.

then again, i am not going to blame others for my mistakes. it is all my fault that i have landed in this situation. all i can feel right now, is how sorry i feel for myself. it just transport me back to the old me. the self-blaming me, wallowing in my self-pity.

i never should have depended on anyone on my emotional needs. i should have known better.

and to you:

i am getting tired and irritated by your behavior. the way you are acting is freaking me out. i felt so being spied. like under surveillance. the concern you are displaying is really very weird. it feels more like you're using me as a support. as a means to feed your information.

i really don't wanna think you as that way, but-

i don't want to blame anyone anymore.

i shall end here.

xoxoxo
min

i don't believe you

2009-05-15T01:49:00.002+08:00

i was pretty much hyperventilating in class when i was told that exams would be starting next week. there i was, thinking that exams would start the next next week, when suddenly don't know who just came and slap me back to reality.

gah! it's just next week! though the exams only lasted for 1 week, [thank God for that], i can't help but think that i'm gonna flunk this mid year exams. considering the number of times i missed classes, the odds are pretty high.

bleep bleep. dudey's going back to brunei tomorrow. am thinking whether to send him off or not. his flight is at 4pm and he's gonna be at the airport at 2pm. if im going, i would be missing ms angelee's class. which is crucial. my a maths results would be counting on her!

touche. (*.*)1

anyway, today i finally found out what was wrong all these while.

stop using the "what i'm doing is for your own good. im thinking for your" as an excuse for your mistakes. what's worse, it was over such a trivial matter. (gosh i am so pissed off)

why can't you just speak out your opinions and thoughts. what makes you think you really understand and know us THAT WELL? it's wrong to assume, you know. do you really think you are being very wei da by putting us in front of you? i think, to this point, we have reached a certain level of understanding. you don't have to take too deep into consideration of our feelings. why can't you just say what you want?

i am extremely pissed and disgusted by your atittude today. i have already put everything on the table.

if you have a problem, tell us what you want to solve it. quit whining.

we have already given you alternatives and you just kept quiet. in the end, you left. and you gotta tell us the problem with you, by sms-ing.

WTF.

dudey's staring into the screen. crap i felt no privacy. how i wish he would get the fuck away from me and stop planting his 2 fucking eyes into the screen. ohgod, he's reading it with amusement and i wonder if i should continue typing to amuse him

hmmm.

hi dude, how are you?

alright..

AWWWWWWWWW.

xoxoxox
min

indulging indeed.

please just ignore the last paragraph about dudey. he's irritating me. (:

be-jeweled

2009-05-10T12:29:00.003+08:00

i was supposed to blog just now. but i got addicted to bejeweled blitz. AHA. can't help it. and i wonder how did zac and doreen got more than 100k score. hmmms. so far my highest 80k. i don't believe i can't do it.

--

alright, i managed to hit 100k. but it was pure luck only. (=

while brushing my teeth today, i was thinking about trust.

i once said to someone that trust is the basis of a relationship. but that someone said, communication is the basis instead.

so then i was thinking about trust. does trusting someone means that you gotta believe 100% of the person, no room of doubt can be forgiven. am i wrong to have even the tiniest shred of doubt?

i don't know. i mean, im a skeptic. i can't help doubting and having second thoughts.

*sigh*

shall end here then.

xoxoxo
min

recounting

2009-05-05T22:48:00.003+08:00

today's english lesson is a total disaster.

hell i couldn't write recount. whereas the rest of class slowly gets acknowledged by mr dev, me and samantha received shakes of head and grim faces from him.

what the fuck is wrong? i don't know i don't know. *smash light bulb*

i doubt even bribing mr dev with sweets is gonna work. *sigh*

okay, i won't give up! i can do it!

here goes:

my hands felt sweaty against the cool slippery surface of the computer mouse. i screwed my eyes up and focused on the computer screen for the umpteenth time. fuck! think! come on! write something! i mentally chastised myself. as the time ticked away into nothingness, i felt more conscious about how i been have staring into the blank computer screen for nearly 20minutes.

the whole house was silent. i could hear my heart beating profusely against my chest, as though trying to outrun the seconds of time. the disturbance in my head, however, didn't even make a single sound. a million colorful thoughts and ideas were exploding with each other, mixing around as though paints in a palette. the resultant of this chaos is nothing. a big blank.

GAH! THINK! i nearly screamed out. my clenched fist made contact with the table and a loud noise echoed in the room. my heart pounded even harder, joining in the commotion. i took a deep breath and close my eyes. i could feel the heavy wind-less air around me, weighing down my shoulders. i need to do this. i can do this.

i refocused on my computer screen again, with vigour this time. with a purpose in my mind, i began to type.

alright i know. it sucked. it's NOT recount at all.

God, help me!

xoxoxo
min

p.s: i wonder if anyone can tell what emotions i am trying to convey. it's so jumbled up. =\

2009-05-01T01:23:00.000+08:00

i enjoy random nonsensical conversations with my elder bro.

here goes some of the msn convos we have.
(mighty yerr is me, and i like to say wiki. it's like my language. at home only.)

dudey: so what? 9000 series is inferior to X series but superior to 7k series?
dudey: check it out and reply asap.
me: fuckkk
me: i dun give a fucking damn
me: im like so busy with sch and work
me: im too fucked to check anything for youuuuuu
me: wiki wiki wiki
dudey: *cower*
me: WIKI
dudey: chill wiki
dudey: im just joking Heh.
me: FUCK YOU HEH
dudey: oh wait
dudey: not
dudey: no
dudey: pls check it out
dudey: it is..
dudey: mandatory.
me: FUCK THE MANDATORY
me: YOU CHECK OUT THE WEBSITE AND TELL THE MIGHTY YER
dudey: *cower*
dudey: ok
me: WEEIIIIIKKKEEEEIIII

---

dudey: stfu i was handling some serious trading justnow
me: trading?!
me: wtf are you trading??
me: pokemon trading cards?
dudey: ehh?
dudey: selling ores in wow la
dudey: fuck
dudey: well i earned 140g from selling some trash ores ;)
dudey: gotto admit
dudey: im just too good at this stufss (i have no idea what's stufss)
me: yes i agree, you have weird affinity with morons...
me: that's the reason why im always going against you
me: im a genius (:
dudey: The Lich King's gaze is fixed upon you.
dudey: Watch your tongue, human.
me: i cant watch it unless i have mirror =(
dudey: ;(

continuation of the literally...

dudey: me and my master pity you
me: i pity you guys too for lacking common sense too
dudey: u are ..
dudey: what an imbecile.
dudey: the scourge will rule this world.
dudey: you are nothing, human.
me: (:
me: how can i be nothing when i am a human
me: AHA
me: HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE

---

me: isnt the mighty yer the cutest?
me: {=
dudey: u look like mummy
dudey: which is kinda disturbing
me: hey
dudey: for mummy in my eyes is the most beautiful
dudey: but you
dudey: you are a living monstrosity
me: ...............
me: fuck u
dudey: the very replica of the word, Fugly.
me: fuck you
dudey: ;O
dudey: yerr
me: wiki
dudey: ;O
me: i shall tell mummy abt this
dudey: what?
dudey: my flight date? =)
me: nuuuu
me: that you said im fugly

---

dudey: You have 27 identical chicken eggs
me: uh huh
dudey: one of these eggs weighs 1g heavier
dudey: than the rest
dudey: you have a scale
dudey: the scale of justice
dudey: the scale with two plates
me: ....
dudey: you can only use that scale to find out the heavier egg
dudey: u can only use it three times
dudey: u know how?
me: yeah
dudey: anyway
me: so you smash the 24 eggs
dudey: oh
me: and weigh the last 3 eggs
me: then you'll know which one is the heavist
me: *heaviest
dudey: oh yeah
me: nuu
dudey: I TOLD U
me: smash the last 25
me: weigh the last 2
dudey: ALL 27 ARE IDENTICAL EXCEPT THE ONE
dudey: FFS
dudey: WHY ARE U SO STUPID
me: ='(
me: okay
dudey: u think about it
me: so you place 13 eggs on each scale
dudey: second question
me: fuckehh
dudey: and?
dudey: YOU ARE SO STUPID
me: and... smash the rest of the eggs
dudey: OMFG
dudey: =D
dudey: u have inherited my destructive gene
me: so then, no eggs is heavier than any
me: cos they are all the same
dudey: ;D u will serve as the next greatest death knight
dudey: FFS
dudey: STUPID YERRR

i love smashing eggs. (:
---

dudey: the novel, Arthas: Rise of the Lich King, came out a few weeks ago
dudey: ;O
dudey: hard-cover novel
dudey: ;D cant wait to buy that
me: ehh?
me: EHHHHHH???
dudey: STORI BOOK
dudey: LIKE YOUR HARRY PUTTER AND THE LOL STONE, BLOOD POS PRINCE etc

(POS is short form for piece of shit)
---

dudey: your nick is LOL
dudey: Lump of Lard
dudey: :D
me: what is lof? (LOF = lump of fats)
dudey: so technically when i LoL'd
me: ........................
me: honestly dude... how crappy can you get
dudey: it means laughing at the matter and, at the same time, your existence.
me: there's no ring to lump of lard except that it's short form is LOL
me: .....
me: well... i applaud you for your creativity
me: it sucks big time though
dudey: :D
dudey: yeah it sucks to be LOL
dudey: LOL
dudey: well the first LOL means LOL
dudey: the second LOL stands for the normal LOL
dudey: and LOL is LOL
dudey: LOL!!!
dudey: U LOL!!
dudey: LOL!!!!
me: alright dude, you're losing it
me: CALM DOWN
me: take a deep breathe
me: *breathe in~~
me: *breathe out~~
dudey: *SNAPPED*
me: alright, better?
dudey: LOLOLOLOLOL
me: wtf
dudey: LOL LOL LOL
me: honestly dude....
dudey: LOL LOL LOL LOLLLOOOL
me: wtf is wrong with you and LOL?
dudey: LOL!!!
dudey: The Divinus suffers extreme damage at the main branus terminal
dudey: apparently an unknown program is behind it
dudey: Verifying the unknown...
dudey: Verifying...
dudey: Still verifying...
me: alright, you're busted dude
dudey: LOLOL
me: BIG TIME
me: NUUUU
me: NOT AGAIN
me: NOT LOL
me: FUCK YOU DUDE
me: what about rofl?
dudey: Really Obessed for LOL
dudey: ROFL
dudey: LOL
dudey: Divinus Bonk is under strict quarantinee
me: OMG
me: i can't believe you're doing this!

LOL/ROFL continues...

dudey: Might of Arthas is now online.
dudey: LOL spyware is suppressed.
dudey: MOA has fully denied LOL.
dudey: LOL triggers ROFL.
me: ......
me: alright, this is a vicious cycle
me: can we like go back the old and good haha?
me: no more lol or rofl
dudey: ok
dudey: Hi yerr
me: hi dude
me: how the fuck are you doing?
me: so what's the details about your flight on labourrrr day
dudey: nah dont talk about it
dudey: i got corrupted by some unknown virus
dudey: and went haywire
me: right... i dont wonder why
dudey: u dont wonder?
dudey: ;D
me: nope i dont
me: it seemed almost... naturally to be corrupted
me: for you, i mean

finally... LOLLOLCOASTER had ended.

dudey: Arthas has purged the program LOLLOLCOASTER
me: lolerskates
me: anyway dude, impt!
me: what time would you be arriving this friday?
dudey: 6
me: cos if you're coming at awful time
dudey: evening
me: i'll be going out
me: awwwwwwwww
dudey: wtf
dudey: you are to stay at home and wait for my grand arrival
dudey: I am the Star
me: riiiiiight.
me: and how would i know what time you'll be arriving home
me: when you'll be hanging out with your non-existence friends
me: till a non-existence time?
dudey: ok no more
dudey: they are no longer non-non existing.

dudey is coming back at 6pm later. (: can't wait! ^^

xoxoxo
min

*swoooons. zac efron.
can't believe i'm doing this.

=(

2009-04-25T18:36:00.001+08:00

i felt ashamed.

(not exact words, but somewhat like this.)

mr dev: *to the class* oh before we go on,
*to me* it's good to see you back! we didn't see you last tuesday, ms hui... err... ming. see! i even managed to remember your name. wow! it's been so long and i still can remember!
me: haha...
mr dev: so why aren't you here last lesson?
me: haha... can we like move on with the lesson?
mr dev: haha, but why aren't you here?
me: haha. okay...
mr dev: we thought something had happened to you. like in your family or something.
me: like someone poisoned me right? (i was referring to the essay we were reading just now.)
mr dev: no! not like that. i mean you're a good student and you weren't at class, so we were worried. i always noticed if good students are not around.
me: haha. well.. thank you for your noticing. i mean, thank you for your notice.
mr dev: haha. no, we were concerned. i even asked samantha to tell huiming, mr dev send his regards.
me: okay... haha. alright. thanks mr dev.

can't remember much, but the gist is here.

and yes, i am ASHAMED.

don't know if mr dev is making me guilty (again) or is he really that concerned. i mean, like i hardly hear him asking people who missed his lessons and i think i'm the first.

or probably i'm just being too sensitive. maybe he did ask, and they were honest about their answers, and that's why mr dev didn't pursue them. i was wishy washy and that's why he "interrogated" me.

well... i really couldn't answer and i don't wish to lie to mr dev, and that's why i chose to beat around the bush. i've heard mr dev's story and i understand what he's trying to tell us, and what he wants us to be, but i just failed miserably.

if only he knew, which i have a nagging feeling that he does, he would be so damn disappointed.

probably he's already disappointed with me.

bah.

emo-ed throughout his lessons afterwards. especially during english, every scenario he said, or any examples of questions that he posed for essay, i felt like i could picture it. i can feel it. and i feel so sad.

the teachers had high hopes for me and i really feel very bad for disappointing them. i know i have been giving excuses for my abrupt laziness recently. it might be excuses to some, it might be logical reaons. but whatever it is, i feel like i'm justifying myself, as usual. (just like mr dev. HAH)

and i know that people are still marking me a target. fine with me. i would even work harder. i won't let you win me. i won't give them the satisfaction of winning me. you gotta do well for yourself. chasing after me will yield you no results.

and so i bear the burden of constant worry. worrying after tests that maybe this time round, someone will win me. they'll reach their goal and mock me.

i know i shouldn't be so affected by all these, but i can't help it.

*sigh*

my thoughts of becoming a new person at school had been dashed away. once again, i am back to square one. a misfit, a loner and a constant target for people to abuse and take advantage of.

i could never ever, join in. so don't even think about inviting me in.

xoxoxox
min

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
-Natasha Bedingfield, Soulmate

guys...

2009-04-22T22:49:00.006+08:00

i wonder... how much to an extent guys go to, just to woo/impress girls.

cos a few nights ago, my younger bro asked me about how to talk to a girl. like how to sms a girl and not make her feel bored with him. he also asked me what girls like and blah blah blah.

so then yesterday night, he called me and asked me for cakes recipe. apparently, he and his friends are going to bake a cake!

guys, cakes, and baking = NO LINK.

right, i might have misunderstood, but judging from his friends' enthusiasm, i think it's for the girl. i mean, does guys like strawberry shortcake??

well... i'm a little... surprised at what guys would do to impress girls. they get all so self-conscious and they became so nice and friendly to EVERYONE. but that's just not like them.

take my younger bro for example.

(probably it's my mum talking to him that im a wonderful sis and that he should cherish me, and that's what causing him to be nice to me, but let's just think otherwise, alright?)

he spent more time with his friends than us. (family) and i would prolly say that he felt closer with his friends than us. his conversations with his friends would even stand 95% of his daily communications.

so then, the other day, he even initiated a conversation with me. a pleasant one.

digress abit,

sometime back, i thought i couldn't talk to my younger bro. cos he really leaves you speechless. it's just so hard to get on the same beat as him. it's either, he can't be bothered to listen and entertain me, or it's me who is listening and entertaining him with nods and mm hmms. so then the conversation will end like this, cos none of us are enjoying or participating in the conversation.

but then, just recently, he started talking to me. he'll come and talk to me about some stuff and i would tell him some things that happened to me. though the conversation is not like with my elder bro, whom i can share my feelings and talk about anything, i actually felt, at least my younger bro is making an effort to bond with the family. which i guess, is a right and good sign. (:

back on track,

i would think that his abrupt nice-ness is caused by his attempt to be a nice guy. a nice guy to attract that girl.

well... i just think that, the influence is really overwhelming. he barely knew that girl, and he's changing. of cos i do know that the change won't be permanent. but... the change is really... 360. it's like, he's another guy now. he's so nice to you and when you think about how mean he used to be, it just... isn't like him. and you wonder, who is he exactly. is he what i think he is?

aah, shit. im getting rhetorical.

right then, that change just shock the shit out of me. does all guys behave like this? they're like so different than what they usually are.

and my elder bro.

he's got himself a girlfriend.

AWWWWWWWWWW.

well. despite being the cynic about relationships, i feel happy for my brother TO A CERTAIN EXTENT that he's being loved by someone.

because i just can't stop thinking that, one is in Singapore [after his ORD], another's in Brunei with a PR.

long distance relationship, a definite NADA and no-way-it-would-last-forever.

though my bro did say he would move to Brunei, again, after his ORD. but then again... he belonged to Singapore, isn't it? i mean, that's the selfish part of me talking. his family is here, at Singapore. how could he lead a life away from it? from us?

i do understand that my bro felt weak bonds for the family. our bonds only just formed in the last few months before he left to Brunei. i know he used to felt no love from the family and that now there's a girl liking him. he felt good. so i understand that he would rather be with the girl.

i admit. i am jealous. not because he's attached and i'm single and bitter. no no. i am just jealous that he's no longer making time for me. the last msn convo with my bro sound so... superficial. it feels like he's got no time to entertain me. and i feel so sad. =(

i confessed, too, that i feel dependent to my bro, to a certain extent again. i mean, he's one person i would talk to about anything. what's worse is that, he's not in Singapore and that our communications relied only on msn. the last msn convo made me feel abit... put out. =(

aah well. when people are in love, their priorities change. i won't even swear and assure you that i won't change when i'm in love.

ah shit, i sound so bitter. *sigh*

that just goes to show, i am not ready for a relationship. not with all the things and events in my life, i am just not ready. i won't go into a relationship just because others are, or that i feel obliged to return the affection.

i'm felt so tied down by school and work already. add in a BGR. kill me baby. no one's gonna be my friends anymore. cos i would be neglecting them.

and that's not a nice feeling, is that?

wella, mid year's coming and i really should focus on that. ponned a maths class again today. though now i understand partial fractions, thanks to ms angelee. (=

alright, i really should start working on those homework. i'll blog again!

p.s: my bro asked to borrow my phone to cam whore. here are some of the pics.

enjoyyy~~

i like this pic!

alright... act cute sia!

me, TIRED LOOKING.

was doing homework halfway and was asked to take a photo.

me and my bro.

mummy and me! OMG WE LOOK ALIKE!

mummy and bro.

my mum kept going: "OMG! SO KWEEEEEL ARH?" when i showed her the pictures and when she took pics of me and brother.

*sigh* mummy, stop acting cute pls.

(=

xoxoxoxo
min

pro

2009-04-21T16:44:00.002+08:00

i know i shouldn't be behaving like this, but,

i skipped school today.

again.

what's worse, it's mr dev's.

=(

honestly, i can't help it. slept at a terribly late hour yesterday. doing english and maths homework.

what's more depressing is that, tmr there's a maths, and i haven't had the faintest idea what's going on till ms angelee teach me about the lessons i have missed.

i really think im getting very lazy. *sigh*

6000k of school fees, no joke.

so why am i doing this??

BAH.

bleep bleep.

xoxoxo
min

phoney

2009-04-19T16:07:00.002+08:00

some muthafucker thinks its funny to steal my phone. again.

yes... i know im really slack with the security with my things in the shop. i can leave the shop with my ipod, handphone, wallet and lappy on the counter. but honestly, i really didn't think people would have the audacity to do so.

the worse was that, someone tried to steal the phone, while i WAS IN THE SHOP.

this old man kept trying to distract me by asking me to look for 2 pieces of size 7 spongebob pyjamas while he was lingering around my counter.

lucky LG phone does beep beep when they are disconnected from the cable. that's when i found it suspicious and the man just fled. i went to the counter and found out it was gone.

first thought to my mind:

"shit! not my handphone again!"

so i chased after that idiot. lucky he was old man, run not so fast and steady, so i managed to catch up on him.

3 meters apart, he decided to threw my phone on the grass and cross the street. and i stopped giving chase. tried to take photo of that idiot, but didnt really catch it.

1 nice man and lady asked what happened and asked me to memorize his features and everything. then i called the police.

police came and they asked what happened, blah blah blah. then they spoil my phone by dusting it for prints. MAN! my chio phone...

hopefully, the warranty works. if not im gonna cry myself a river.

right. i shall end her and shut my lappy and keep it safe away before i leave to buy dinner. yes... gotta be extra careful cos i scared the old man will come for revenge. =S

xoxoxoxo
min

2009-04-18T12:34:00.002+08:00

i lost my phone.

no joke. though it was 1 week ago when it happened.

yes, im ~~not~~ sad.

all my messages, pictures and stuff. all those precious memories...

awwwwwwww.

to console me, i bought myself a LG ice cream!!

YES!

PINKKKK!

=)=)

yes, i heard it all. how many thinks that LG is not a good phone blah blah blah. but it's just that, i haven't tried it before, so i wouldn't know how sucky it is.

so far, this phone is quite good. just that you can only keep 300msges. =( so i gotta keep deleting and deleting to make space for new ones. =(

yeahyeah. i love my phone. (:

anyways, hadn't been blogging recently. had been very lazy, busy and tired to do so. there's many events and things going on, i feel like im gonna explode soon. =(

school had been fine. most of the tests results are back and well, i can say i'm quite satisfied with myself. though english had been quite a disappointment. a borderline b4. yes... i was expecting myself to do b3 and above. ah well. we'll see about mid year.

work had been tiring. =( haiz, for money sake, PUSHHHHH!

on a happier note, dudey is coming back! YES! that POS. (= finally someone whom i can talk to about anything. (: (:

right, i dont know what to blog about. till next time then! (:

xoxoxo
min

NEOO~

2009-04-09T21:29:00.004+08:00

HAPPY! (=

new movie job experience

i'm so HAPPY!

HOHOHO!

i received a call today when i was on my way back from practical. it was from NEOSTUDIOS! WHOOPEE! the lady told me they are starting on this project and asked if i am interested to participate in it! =D=D=D

yes... the above pic is the email telling about the details for the interview. I AM SO EXCITED I THINK IM GONNA PEE IN MY PANTS!

HOHO!

so the interview's this sat. [this sat again] im going for it no matter what! yes, i do know about the commitments i need to put in for it. it's just an interview, who knows if i might get in. it's all about the experience.

and if i get in, im really gonna work doubly hard for it! this kind of chance dont come strolling by you any day, and i really should grab it and go for it. YES. even with O levels in my pants.

i have nearly forgotten about the neostudios thingy. even though it wasn't on the work i submitted last year, but i'm glad i'm given a chance, again, to realise my dream. to work alongside with jack neo. to learn about filming and media!

IM SO EXCITED!

i can't wait for this saturday. =D

i'm getting so busy and it's starting to scare me.

FRIDAY [tmr]
meet jen at amk for lunch and go to united sq to meet boss.
go down to oub to pack stocks.
after that, dont know if jen wants go shopping around.

SATURDAY
CHALET at sentosa!
interview for movie job experience at 3.50pm
clubbing at night.

SUNDAY
study group at 2.30pm

hmms. i wonder how am i going to do homework and revise with all these events?

anyway... i'm gonna rant abit about something cos i suddenly thought of something/someone.

yes, not again. but i enjoy ranting. (:

after what happened yesterday, my dislike for you deepened and intensified by 10000000 times. YES, YOU MORON AND EGOISTIC ASSHOLE, BALL FOR DECO MAN. fuck you, don't you ever sling your BIG-MAN THEORY on us.

THE WORLD IS CHANGING DUDE! MAN AND WOMAN ARE THE SAME NOW! girls are no longer submissive and quiet. they have brains, opinions and they have a stand! who are you to downgrade them? who are you to stomp all over them?

you think you very mature meh? please lah, my 55yr old dad has the same thinking as yours. and you call yourself mature? ffs. AGE DOESNT EQUAL TO MATURITY. you and your stupid, childish and traditional thinking.

and stop generalizing people. who says women who dare to speak out are just like ah lians ah hueys? who says smokers are nuisances? or in your words, "common people"?

fuck you. how special do you think you are? oh yes, with nose hair hanging out for display, that's really special. i don't see many people having that. you are really not like those common people.

please lah, you know your engerish not strong, then dont use chim chim engerish to make yourself look powderful. you will only embarrass yourself if you can't string 2 points together.

THE WORLD IS CHANGING. let me tell you this, we women, are not going to run after men. no. i refused to boost and feed their ego. worthless cowardly egoistic scums like some people are not worth my time, my effort for them. because at the end of the day, they are just gonna turn around and say i am just like the common people because of some flaws i have. they are gonna say im crazy cos i dont understand your fucking chim engerish.

no one's perfect. and no one's the same as each other. don't expect us to understand you when you talk gibberish to us. if you want acceptance, let go of your pride and ego and come to us. COME to us and not wait for us to go to you. if you gonna put yourself in front of you, you are not gonna see anyone else except for yourself.

in another word,you are fucking narcissist, egoistic piece of shit!

suay i gotta see that face so many times a week. i can't even stand being in the same room with this kind of people!

yes, im like that. don't ask me why. don't ask me to be more generous or magnanimous. why must i keep going to them when they give me shit? why must i tolerate when these people only think for themselves?!

[knnbccb]

damn pissed off.yes, i can laugh hard at any smallest joke. but i can't laugh at things that are NOT FUNNY.

BAH.

xoxoxo
min

pisssed

2009-04-03T22:53:00.004+08:00

honestly, i'm tired. really tired. not because of the 9-5[or even later] school life but it's the people around me who are draining away my energy.

i'm tired of hypocrites and insensitive warts in my life. honestly, why can't they mind their own business and, for once in their life time, use their brains to think before farting with their mouth? i mean, why should we take in your abuse? is it because we are soft-spoken? or is it because we are sensitive enough to care about your feelings? or is it because we are sensible enough to think of the consequences of our speech and actions?

so do you think it is right for you to take advantage of it? cos we are too nice and good?

it's just like the dustbin issue.

a particular classmate of mine likes to throw food wrappers into the class's dustbin, and we all know how the cleaner reacts to rubbish in the dustbin. despite being told by my classmate that rubbish, especially the debris of our snacks, gotta be thrown in the dustbin outside the school, that classmate still did not heed my classmate's word and continued throwing it in the classroom dustbin.

he retorted my classmate this:

"what? it's a dustbin what."

true true, it's a dustbin and rubbish should be allowed to be thrown in. however, think about the circumstances.

firstly, we aren't supposed to eat in class.
yes, i'm guilty of it too, but the school had been quite kind enough to close one eye to it.

second, the cleaner had ~~threatened~~warned us about it. so if you want to bend the rules, we ought to do some giving ins on our part. no such thing as free lunch in the world, ya know?

thirdly, your classmate had told you about the dustbin issue. it is not as if, you do not know about it.

ignorance is not guiltless.

that's the thing. when you ignore the circumstances and go forth with your "logic", everything just goes wrong. so when you ignore the feelings of others and went ahead with your own behavior, everything backfires.

it might be the "logical" thing, but consider the feelings of others, think of the situation, ask yourself if it's the right thing to do. isn't that what brains are for?

next, smart alecs. i'm still singeing from it. people who think they are smart or think they are smarter than me, and those people who thinks i'm SO SMART.

fuck ya all. seriously, go fuck yourselves.

why can't these people understand that, WHO CARES IF IM SMART? we are all here at BMC for a common goal. it is to get our cert. so what if i topped mr dev's maths test? so what i got A1s for my tests. SO WHAT?

do you mean only a certain percentage of people can get A1s? you mean MOE only allow the top 10% of students to get A1s and the rest would be A2 and below? is that why you are trying so hard to bump me out of this percentage so that you can squeeze your butt into the range?

fuck ya all.

tell me, when did i brag i am smart? when did i demoralize people around me? when did i even insinuate im smart and others are stupid? when did i cause inferiority DIRECTLY to them? since when did i say i want to top in class? SINCE WHEN?

so why are they marking me as a target to aim and shoot down? is my "smartness" causing you distress? in case you guys still don't get it, I DON'T HAVE AN O LEVEL CERT JUST LIKE YOU GUYS. out in the society, i'll be looked down by others too! you think the society cares i topped mr dev's test?

tell them that, they might laugh their ass off.

so why are these people doing this to me? how many times have i heard "aiya you so smart, you don't have to study anymore!", "you are so smart! you no need to worry lah!", "you so smart!"

i feel so helpless and stressed by these hidden attacks. i worked hard for myself, i want to prove myself that i am no longer broken. but see what these people are doing to me? it's like throwing rocks constantly at my walls, trying to break me down.

and to those smart alecs, so what if you top the class? so what if you get the highest marks? if to reach your "goal", you lose your morality, purpose or your principle, you are just like a piece of shit. [im sorry, i can't find words to describe them.]

if to win me, you are willing and wanting to break me down and ruin our friendship, by all means, go ahead with it. my goal and purpose are clear. i want the best for me. i study for my sake. i work hard for my results. i don't need to be better than anyone to be the best.

work for yourself, change for yourself and live for yourself.
never ever do that for anyone else. dont work hard because you need earn money for the family, don't change yourself because your bf/gf says so, don't live the life you don't like because your parents want you to do so.

at the end of the day, if you have worked so hard and you lost everything, don't question yourself why. cos you will never feel the satisfaction of acheiving. it is not your goal, you will never understand WHY you're doing it. you lack understanding.

lastly, to the liars. don't go around whining why people cheated on you, and why people aren't true to you. don't even ask why when you are down, nobody was there for you. don't ask why nobody can understands you. you should know why.

BECAUSE YOU NEVER HAD BEEN TRUE TO THEM.

karma, what goes around comes around. you know what you did, and if you have any conscience, you would have reflect on it and realised that, you DESERVED this.

go on then, continue lying. you will never have a true and honest relationship with anyone. you chose to lie. don't tell me you didn't mean to. you chose to lie. didn't you ever think that everyone will have that selfish pride and ego within us? that rashless urge to lie to cover our ugliness and create a beautiful image to show off to others?

EVERYONE IS THE SAME.
i am not a saint, i lie too.

so you think everything is being hard on you right? and lying is the only way out? let me tell you something:

it's what we do that makes what we are.

you chose to lie instead of facing the reality and this is what you got: reality smacking you right in the face. nobody wants to be with you. cos you can't handle the truth. you are not honest at all, to others and to yourself too.

think about it lah, no one is better than any one else. everyone has their own problems, they don't get it easy too. what makes them better than yours and you have to resort to lying to make yourself feel good?

"trust is 2-way. the trust has to be returned."-shanti, lit teacher.

the lit teacher talked about 'othello', about trusting the right person today. if the person cannot return your trust for them, then you cannot trust them anymore.

it makes so much sense that i suddenly felt admiration for her. really. the power of lit. (:

wella, i shall stop lecturing and preaching like im some kind of a holy priest. i really gotta stop this bad habit.

alright then, shall end here. (:

haha so abrupt.

xoxoxox
min

more picto

2009-04-01T10:58:00.008+08:00

MORE PICTURES!

mummy lim

nikki and me

dark.

BEST BIRTHDAY CAKE!

SINGING SESSION WITH CLASSMATES 22/03/09

grilled mackerel set

debbie's salmon.

debbie

act cute while talking on phone and posing/playing with her food.

CONTINUED 21/03/09 OUTING WITH JEN

mango snowice at amk hub. yums!

RAINBOW~

okay... nothing to say.

BIRTHDAY PRESSIES!

pretty self-made card by nikki! (:

25/03/09 presents

guess what it is.

give ya a clue, its long and hard!

tadaaa! big-ass pencil!

from angela and eugene!

i love it! (:

eeyore cup and toy from ayuni and korean girls. (:

khine soe's. lucky she got the date correct. (:

moses's.

ms angelee's and zahira's. (:

really got alot of chocolates to late me till dont know how many months.

supposedly have more pictures, but i can't upload anymore. shall do that another day.

anyway, yesterday mr dev gave us a long lecture and he told us about his study life when he was a student. many times i teared up when i heard about the things that happened to him. i feel so sad. i was shocked to hear that mr dev went through all these rejections. not only from his peers and teachers, but his family too.

really ought to buck up! yes 2hrs of math EVERYDAY.

not to mention, the surprise test results. topped the class. =\

to be really honest, not being humble or whatever shit, i feel stressed when i topped the class or blah blah. cos firstly, you gotta maintain your standards at the top, and i dont think i have the confidence or capability to do so.

next, people mark you. they mark you as their target and they try to shoot you down. i hate this feeling. i hate this feeling that people are trying to outdo me. ME. they are not trying to outdo themselves. but ME. probably im being sensitive or what, but... *sigh* it's really a bad feeling.

aah wells. im gonna do my best anyways. not to maintain my "1st in class and the smartest person in holistic[yes! they actually asked who was the smartest in holistic!]" but to excel in my Os.

gambatte!!

xoxoxox
min

suck

2009-03-29T13:51:00.002+08:00

who says friends are forever? especially the best of friends? i am not afraid and ashamed to say that I AM HURT. yes, by you.

i still can't fathom.

what went wrong? is it really that easy to forget? is it right to just ignore and move on?

crap.

i know, in all these years, our friendship has only been sustained by that single thread. the thread of habit. we are so used to each other.

we don't really contact everyday, nor did we actually contact each other frequently. i thought it was cos, we have mutual understanding and that, both of us know that, no matter what, we will have each other.

apparently, i was wrong. or that, things have changed, without me knowing. i didn't even detect anything was wrong. until then.

did something come between us or is it that our priorities had changed? or is that we really have no time to fit each other in into our new lives and we are drifting apart. drifting to the point that we feel lazy and no longer obliged to meet each other.

or are we both drifting into 2 different worlds and that we can't accept each other's world?

inferiority. indifference.

i don't know what i'm writing now. it's just that, i feel so hurt that you will forget. maybe it's just birthday, no big deal. but it seems like an ominous omen to me.

freaky caaaw im emo-ing. probably im just disappointed. majorly disappointed.

xoxoxo
min

pic tio siao

2009-03-28T13:38:00.006+08:00

SENTOSA OUTING WITH JEN

LUNNER AT CHOMPX2

MY LATEST FAV

BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION ON 22/03

im pissed with blogger. freaky caaww doesnt allow me to upload anymore photos. ~.~ shall do it again next time.

i am seriously worried. worried about my academics.

i can't stop slacking. there's so many distractions around me and i'm starting to forget what's my purpose for going to BMC is. it is to get a good O level cert. everyday in class, either my brain is clogged with an unknown source of tiredness or im busy chatting with my classmates and getting all goofy. a small sickness can make me decide to skip a WHOLE day's class. to think the school fee is so expensive and i actually has the audacity to skip it away.

what am i thinking? am i, once again, distracted by my environment? or am i being too complacent?

bah, enough of this.

anywayys, i was just blog-hopping and i realised something when i went into this particular person's blog. don't you just find it sad when people just go into your blog just to look at your nice nice photos and totally ignore what you wrote? i was doing that for that blog just now.

last time when i went into her blog, it was ALL HER PHOTOS. yes, posts are all filled with pictures and pictures of her and her friends. the only words there are like: "hello! long time didn't blog!" or "i'm so tired, will post again." or "i love you baby." or "i miss you baby". so then this time round, i went into her blog and i just scroll down and skim her pictures. though there are paragraphs of words, i didnt bother reading them. i tried reading, but they doesnt make sense at all.

it's almost like, loving someone because they are pretty. not cos they have hearts of gold. but then again, people still liked them. cos they are pretty. it's really a sick feeling.

bahh. alright then, i gotta clear up the shop. will blog again soon. =\

xoxoxox
min

morning blues

2009-03-26T06:12:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MS ANGELEE!!

and to me too! <3

i am, once again, deliberately stalling off time to do my homework. let's see what i've got...

mr dev's
-report writing on robbery
-newspaper articles
-essay writing+ situation writing
-mensuration worksheets
-and other math worksheets i wanna revise on

ms angelee's
-all the maths worksheet.

tests are coming up and im getting nervous. i have been slacking damn badly, procrastinating almost every moment of my life. surprisingly, recent "tests'" results were quite alright. had As for that. [HAH! i wanna hao lian abit!] most shockingly would be today's CHEMISTRY "test". you know how muuuuch i hate that freaky subject. no matter how i read it, they are just greek to me.

how would i know if potassium iodide is a solid, liquid or gas. or what would be the physical properties of the product when potassium iodide react with calcium carbonate. or whatever.

the thing is. HOW WOULD I KNOW?!

during the test i keep asking myself: "how would i know?? what? what? and WHAT?!"

surprisingly, for that chemistry test, i scored 61/80. so proud of myself. and joshua only win me by 1/2 mark. HAH. (:

anyway, my dearies celebrated ms angelee's and my birthday today! =) THANK YOU ALL! I LOVE YOU GUYS!

hoho. was abit shocked cos i was kinda expecting it to be today, not yesterday. yes... and thanks to them, i have enough chocolate to last me for several months. (=

will upload the pictures next time after i got them from my classmates. =D

yesterday (25/03) i was just thinking... probably the migraine burned my brain or something, i was actually... how would i say... i was actually... i felt that, i love everyone in my class. not because they celebrated my birthday or what... it's just that, everyone is so lovely in my class. i love everyone in my class. [and i really mean EVERYONE.] and i think back to my very early posts about my class, about how i love my classmates.

then i wonder... all these while... what kind of a friend i am? what kind of a friend i am to my classmates. cos i only have these bunch of classmates for this year. and afterwards, who knows if we might keep in contact anymore.

yes yes, let's just skip formalities. it has been tested and proven that the "let's keep in contact!" "let's meet up sometimes!" "i won't forget you!" are just WORDS and not everyone keep these promises. they are just words which suit the situtation.

so, i really cherish my time with my classmates. after O levels, all of us will be splited into different different places. most [or all] of us are hoping to go into poly. but there are so many courses and all of us have different aspirations. i won't be surprised after this year, we will all be separated and start school single-ly again.

and i reflect on myself again. [yes... im doing too much self-reflection... but i can't help it! ] regarding the issues in my class, i wonder if i have been handling them right. i wonder if this is the right way to deal with it. like i have told a certain someone: "we all came to this school with a common goal. and that is to get our O levels cert. so what if you have done it before or what. right now, you come to here, it means you are getting the cert too just like us. no one is smarter than anyone. we should, instead, help each other out."

during that point of time, i was just pinpointing at the academic issues. but right now when i think back, i think, we should help each other out, not just studies. we should help each other in shaping ourselves to be a better person. we are all in our growing years. man's mistake is that, they failed to see their own failures. they only see others' fault.

"friends are like mirror, they reflect who you are"

my class is small and we are quite bonded. [i am proud to say that (: ] so, if someone is behaving in a very bad manner, are we, as their classmates, to shut their eyes and ignore it? or should we be open and talk to them?

the me in the past, would have ignore them and get angry at them. but as time goes by, the more i think about it, the more i feel that i am being a very bad friend. if me, as their friend, don't want to help them and "correct" them. down the years, if everyone they meet is like me, they keep quiet and ignore them, they will never know their mistakes and will never change. and then this particular irritating trait will become a part of their personality. and by then, they will find it hard to change. even if they want to change, they will say : "but im like that what? what you want to do about it?"

yes, that passive whiny tone.

so i ask myself, is that the way i wanna be to my friend. see them making mistakes and just keeping quiet and see them making more mistakes?

i feel even bad, when my friend reached out to me, for help or not, i just turned and walk away. [hah, that's so like me! rmb how many countless time i have done that... to the dodos esp. =( ]

courage. i need courage. i need courage and talk to my friends. this bolt of clarity just shot me when i was talking to samantha on msn a few days ago. i already knew what i want to do, what i need to do. but i just... failed to do.

cos i rather take the easy way out of this mess, than the right one.

but now, i feel that... i am clear on what i want to do and what i need to do. i just need an occassional pump of courage. i am not afraid of offending anyone about their feelings. you can hate me if i point out your faults and blah blah blah. if you're calm and rational enough to think, you would have known i have to come to you, because i am your friend. i want to help you. i did not come to you to make you feel bad, to criticize you. i am your friend.

if you have misunderstood me or my point, then i can only say, you are not my friend. you dont understand me. because im not someone who would purposely go hurt someone just to make myself feel better.

i am always thinking at both sides. correct my point of view if you think that's not it. tell me your side of your story and make me understand. i want to understand. i want to help you.

and i refuse to keep quiet and let things be. not literally quiet. in the sense, i refuse to just let things be and keep all my thoughts compressed. i have a right to think what i want to be. and if i have to voice it, i would stand up and say. i don't want to wait for someone to approach me then i spill it out. by that time, it might be a lil too late. some people might appreciate you for keeping it down, but if you need to talk to me, you can always come to me 1 to 1. wouldn't that be better?

and so, i shall do what i wrote above. yes, im 19 and i've grown up. (:

happy birthday to me! =)

and thank you all for the birthday wishings! i felt so loved by everyone!

xoxoxo
min

sen sen sen

2009-03-21T01:25:00.002+08:00

tomorrow i'm going to sentosa with auntie jen. HEH. so long never go there and sun tan. so happy!

but i can't seemed to find my sung glasses... =( probably i should buy a cheap one at vivo again. hmms.

i am getting so random and sometimes i just can't stand myself. BAH.

as for yesterday's issue... it seemed to be just YOUR OWN FUCKING ASSUMPTIONS. fuck you. who are you to assume you know everything? blardy hell this issue caused me so much distress, i am never gonna just let it be so that you think you can stomp on me anyhow you like. i am still pissed!

RAWRRRRRRR. *fire shooting out of my mouth.*

tomorrow i am going sentosa and sunday is a whole day of k-sessions! afternoon with my darling classmates and nite with my beloved godfamily. sing until i crazy can!

alright, i really should go and sleep soon. if not tmr can't wake up to call auntie jen. then my dream sentosa trip will really be busted. once again. =S

funny conversation with joshua while walking to amk hub.

joshua: i think im gonna just zonk out on my bed like moses.
me: how did you know moses also zonk out just like you?
joshua: i call him and he tell me what.
me: you call him?!
joshua: what? for homework lah!
me: homework?!
joshua: geography homework!
me: ohh... cheyyyy.
joshua: i always call him about geography homework.
me: haha... something is wrong here.
joshua: what? what is wrong with it?
me: nothing.
joshua: nothing's wrong what.
me: and nothing's right too.
joshua: ...
me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

ohyea, went for lit class today. i went up the classroom and found it empty. go down to the computer to check and realised the class was cancelled. WTF?!

after that went debbie's house to entertain the both of us. haha.

xoxoxox
min

i am pissed

2009-03-19T22:15:00.002+08:00

i still am pissed. i swear if i have any balls [not including my eye-BALLS], i would have burn down a fucking building today. that's how pissed i am, now and JUST now.

right, but before i check up the WHOLE story, i shall refrain from commenting on it. but that doesn't stop me from forming my OWN conclusions and ASSUMPTIONS.

yes, fuck you for your assumptions. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? AND WHO DO YOU THINK I AM?

i am going to bitch for awhile now, so pardon me.
(it is my blog after all.)

"... always goes for people who are weaker... ... people who won't speak for themselves..."
-debbie

debbie's words shook me and i felt pissed more than ever. pissed with that perv and pissed with myself.

was it because i always give in and kept quiet to compromise to avoid conflicts. and that's why this thing is happening to me? was it because of spite or was it because of jealousy that caused this thing to happen?

it is not the first time, it is already the 3rd time, people played with my trust. more than once did people think i'm a fool. they think they are better than me. how many countless times did i experience this sensation that people are trying to inflict hurt and GUILT on me?

probably i did do these people injustice. probably i did hurt these people, unconsciously. and probably, i just deserved this treatment after all.

that's why i kept quiet. rather than to i make a fuss over my stands and opinions, i give way. i let you win. i take in all your abuse and keep it all to myself. and so, i think, i appeared to be a target for swines to fuck me over.

but the most pissifying thing is that: given the option to choose who to fuck you over, who would you choose?

a fucking stupid swine who is all talk and no action?

or

an arrogant ass with integrity who beat you down cos he managed to do what he says?

YES I KNOW. rather the arrogant ass than the swine right? it's just like the 'raping' thing.

if an ugly man raped me, i will kill myself the next second.
if a handsome guy raped me, i count myself lucky.

it's the same theory! and i hate myself for being so weak!

GOSH! i feel so.... insulted and humiliated!

honestly, i don't know what to do anymore. and i must make sure i attend literature class tmr.

i know, random. but i think i shouldn't continue with this sore topic anymore.

wella, it's difficult to be perfect, i know. i'm not asking much though. i'm already very happy that i have some friends who are always sticking around me. i can't tell them how much i appreciate their friendship; i find it abit hard for me to express my love and care for them that openly. but in my heart, i know, they are my friends. more than friends, maybe. they are the sunshine of my life and i can't imagine life without them.

alright, enough of these sentimental talk. i shall start on my homework. (:

xoxoxo
min

bitching

2009-03-18T21:39:00.003+08:00

i received a very pleasant present today. although i sort-of already know what was inside, but i am still surprise to see it. (:

yes, once again, it's DEBBIE. posing with my woe-be-gone sec 2 literature book, clay marble. (:

in my phone, taken by my phone no less.

and so, i ask myself this: "am i kinda sick to keep her photos?" you know, like psycho or something. like i 暗恋 her or what. [haha, reminds me of some ~~one~~ people.]

i can almost hear her voice: "but you love me what!"

haha, right. i shall keep her photos though. maybe someday it will come in handy. especially during sudden black outs or during the hungry ghost month. (:

it never hurts, to get prepared before time!

anyway, been hearing & seeing things about psychotic people and i'm started to get a little paranoid and wary. especially about what i post online. nope, i am not afraid of defamation [i dont do that] or that what i put up are offensive and embarrassing. [i do know my limit k! i still do my beeps and toots!]

it's just that, what if, let's say, what if, some psychotic, mentally unstable someone, happened to chance upon my blog and got addicted to it. probably not much on the content [since i am so long-winded and incoherent], but what if they are fascinated by the pictures i post up? then they started right-clicking those pictures and save it into their computers? then when they are feeling particulary psycho and horny, they open up these pictures and view them when they feel themselves up?

this thought just suddenly came into my mind when i saw the photos on my blog. and i was thinking about this particular 'sick' person. i was just thinking, "shit, anyone can just come to my blog. they can even search for something totally not related to me but still come to my blog. what if someone even purposely went to search for my blog? what if they saw this photo, or if someone sees my classmate's photo and got psychotic? they will right click all these photos and keep for their own viewing pleasures. shit. this is so damn shit."

[i just realised how narrow my range of vocab is! i keep using psychotic and sick. alright, i shall go research on it more. (: ]

and so, i think about my this blog. i've been putting really too much effort and heart into it. it might be just an innocent web on the page, depicting a very ordinary life of an ordinary plain jane. but who knows what other people think about it? or maybe, some people might come to my blog just to check me up?

yes, fuck dictators.

probably i should change to wordpress, like samantha's. use password. hmmms.

and yes, that's part of the reasons why i stopped updating my links. i fucking hate dictators, they follow trails of links to different people's blog and SPY on them.

probably my friends don't mind, but i do.

oho! and i had this very de interesting conversation with denise just now. [shit, keep tying debbie. =S i think debbie put gong tao in my drinks! LOL >< ]

her: they are just hypocrites.
me: but i really admire them! they can don't like somebody but still 'like' them! i wish i can be like them! like that won't offend people. people will still like them...
her: well, that's hypocrisy. you pretend you like this person in front of them, but at the back you talk bad about them. hypocrites lor.
me: but they never talk bad about them. only me. =( i cannot tahan those people.... *started to get whiny*
her: HAHA. okay. but you dont like them right?
me: yah. but i dont know if i show it. if i show it, i dont know if they know it....
her: hmmm. well then, YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE!
me: OO! and i scared they dont like me......
her: hypocrite hypocrite hypocrite... ... ... ... ... *chanting and ignoring me*
me: ='(='(='(

been troubled by some issues recently. deeeeeply troubled. really dont know how to handle it. cham arh ms toh. you are going to dieeeeeeeeeeee.

BAH!

anyway, i can't wait for the weekend to come! going to sentosa with auntie jen on saturday then k-session with my lovely godfamily on the sunday. heh heh. so happy! =} probably sunday morning going to play badminton with my classmates. or a singing session too! hmmms.

la dee dee la la. dont know what to say anymore. shall update again! (:

xoxoxoxo
min

just went facebooking and i want to say: cheer up samantha!

the Father's Hand

2009-03-15T13:25:00.002+08:00

rampaged my house for the 'The Father's Hand' soundtrack yesterday after i've reached home. i thought my mama had thrown it away, but thank God, no. (:

instinctively, after i heard the notes of the songs, i started crying. i cried when i heard the Father's Hand song, the cactus song, the 'through my/His eyes' song, and 'the love i lost today' song.

cried through the night as i repeat the song 'the love i lost today' on my ipod. cos the meaning of the lyrics, the words chosen, reflects what i really really feel.

here's the lyrics:

the tears cannot stop falling
for the love, i've lost today
the colour of the rainbow's gone
my sky has turned to grey

all i had, are yesterdays
when all, was good and well
regret now drowns, my weary soul
i'm nothing but, a shell

i've lost the spark that lit my life
i've lost the tune i hummed
i've lost a friend, none can replace
i've lost through all my days

is this a nightmare that haunts my dreams?
or is this reality?
if only i could turn back time
and have you here with me

in the lonely darkness of my mind
im just left with emptiness and pain
what would i give to be by Your side
to see You once again

i've lost the spark that lit my life
i've lost the tune i hummed
i've lost a friend, none can replace
i've lost through all my days

my heart cries out with all its soul
for the dream that had to end
the tears will never stop falling
my soul has lost its only friend

damn i feel so sad. ='(

xoxoxox
min

writings

2009-03-14T13:24:00.003+08:00

freaking blogger doesn't allow me to upload more pictures. =( i shall do it again, some day. meanwhile, i have some, 0h-so-long-i can't-remember-their-existence pictures here.

HAPPY! (:

isnt he beautiful? =D

NICE SCENERY @ SENG KANG.

former handphone background pic. (:

took this photo when i was walking to bus stop from nikki's house. it was a gorgeous sky...

RANDOM WORK PIX.

jen's cup with my beautiful ribbon~ (=

RANDOM DOODLES

GOTH.

ever wondered how did pussy come about with 2 meanings...?

TADAH! PUSSY!

now you know why. (:

[damn, this pic is so obscene.]

anyway, work has been putting me off, turning my beautiful weekend sour. the amusement of it is that i can use the wireless here, chat with kelly and the easy money i can earn. it was only after weighing the pros and cons of it that made me, eventually, continued with this job.

imagine me quitting this job. there will be no income at all and i still have to deal with the outgoing cost of at least 500bucks every month. [my sch fee, ok! i dont spend that much.]

i can only pray for a lucky stroke of good luck. (=

the writing/blogging is gone. poof! shall do another post another day.

tsk, me so fickle.

xoxoxo

min

heaps of pixs

2009-03-13T21:40:00.009+08:00

photos~

ayuni's eraser!

angela's bottle of wan wan biscuits. (:

MRT TO CLARKE QUAY'S DRINKING SESSION.

angela, fina, me and samantha

again

fina look so cool here. (:

fina qin ai de, me and siao samantha. (:
hair so messy, tsk!

fina and me (=

WHO SAYS UNDERAGE CAN'T DRINK?!?!

ON THE TABLE SOME MORE, DONT PLAY PLAY ARH! (=

ME AND DEBBIE ^^

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and my beloved darling debbie gave me something to ward off the evil spirits
.
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HER PHOTO!

=D

RANDOM 'THROW FACE' PHOTO AT CLASS. =D

me and samantha.

samantha's face says: "come slap me!"
=)

damn stiff moustache

BALANCE~

SOLO! =D

TRAGEDY STRIKES.

$10 NOTE CRUSHED GIRL, 18, IN CLASS.

first time people see money not happy. HAH. (:

BLACK OUT @ BMC.

with ms angelee (:

supposed to look scared at a blackout, but.......

everyone seemed so happy. ~.~

alrighty, shall end here. will blog a proper one tomorrow. (:

can't wait for birthday. another 13 more days. HEH. ((=

xoxoxoxo
min

thots

2009-03-12T00:08:00.004+08:00

the stink of the pungent beer is still stained onto my body somewhere despite scrubbing my body thoroughly with soap. that's part of the reason why i hate beer. it stinks.

i remembered smelling it on my father when he came home late at night. it stinks, and i wonder how people enjoy it.

i was quite surprised i managed to gulp down more than 1 glass of beer today. probably cos i was pissed off by some certain news i heard. being depressed or stressed sure enable people to drink or down all that smelly drink with pleasure. =S

ironically, today's drinking certainly clear my mind, about certain issues and people. no, i'm not drunk at all! i'm thinking straight. [crap! another 'S' word!] most importantly, i realise that, i'm more of a laid-back drinker. i prefer to sit at a quiet corner and enjoy my drink. yes, with all my beloveds~ (=

school been's alright. siao samantha who always sits next to me always manage to cheer me up, with all sorts of wrong and cranky stuff. like during science class. freaking questions always use BALLS as examples. knowing samantha, you know what BALLS are. so there was this constant chirp about BALLS. volleyBALLS, soccer BALLS, basketBALLS etc etc. so...

me: can we stop talking about balls-related sports? can we talk something else like, badminton?
samantha: you mean, shuttlecock?
me: ...................................................

this a damn classic i would never, ever forget. it was just an innocent random blurt to change topic, and it takes a sharp plunge instead.

anyway, im freaking tired. don't think i'll be able to do any homework. jung min's not online. =X he cheated my feelings. =( shall go send him an email with the photos and go sleep. meanwhile, shall upload some pics here too! (=

gonna update facebook too. (:

looking anywhere, but not the camera. =S

fina's face kena blocked.

i just notice, awww, samantha smile so sweet.

act cute eh?

mirror pix

fina and me! so retard. =S

me, samantha and debbie! (:

right, so tired.

more to come. (:

xoxoxo
min

2009-03-06T19:22:00.001+08:00

different mood obtain different results. do try, its rather accurate. (:
www.goldinuniverse.com

You are feeling exhausted, worn out, drained. You feel that far too much is being asked of you but you still want to overcome these difficulties and establish yourself despite the effect such an effort seems to have on you. You are a proud person, assertive most of the time, but at this particular moment you are acting as if you have become resigned to the situation. What you need is some tender loving care - a gentle pat on the head (or maybe a 'kick-up-the backside') and then you'll be raring to go.

You are looking for something different. Your imagination has been working overtime and you are seeking adventure - and you'd like to share that adventure, the new experience, with someone like yourself: Imaginative, Enthusiastic and Sensitive.

Everyone, sooner or later gets that feeling that one has been cut off from reality, cut off from everything that's going on around them. It usually happens when there is a complete lack of understanding and co-operation - be it from friends, family or loved ones. So what can one do about it? Instead of pondering as to what the future may hold, do something different. Make a cup of coffee. Have a shower. Read a book. Watch your favourite soap opera. Because as soon as you become involved in something different, the original disassociated feelings will dissipate.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material.

mistakes

2009-03-03T04:29:00.003+08:00

there's seriously too many things that i wanna blog but just can't find the words or the correct term to use it to put it down. moreover, who knows how people might take it if i write all these down on the internet.

*shrugs*

probably, i should start living a life and start doing WHAT I WANT TO DO.

but its hard, living your own life and ignoring the feelings of others.

i am trying to be a mature and responsible adult by taking into accounts of other people's feelings. but its like biting more than i can chew. people tell me i try too hard. im hard work. im too much.

but let me ask you this:

would you prefer me to shoot my mouth off, hurting your feelings, then pretending nothing ever happened to you? am i supposed to act like a clown beside you when you are crying inside?

im sorry, but i can't do this. im not like this.

right, the sweet coffee is taking an effect on me and im gonna rant here. im sorry for any hurt feelings. dont take it hard.

i still, till this day, after all the things that happened to me, i still, believe in the goodness of others. call me stupid, naive or gullible or whatever. i still believe.

i refuse to believe that people would have the intention of hurting me. no, not just hurting me. i don't believe that people are bad. i don't believe that they would cheat, play around with other people's feelings or even cause hurt to anybody.

i always believed that, even when something bad happened, there is a cause and effect. i dont believe anybody would do such things for fun or leisure. i would always look at both sides of the story before putting down my thoughts, or even, judgement.

and before the whole story is revealed, i would always stand at the positive side. let's say, if my friend punched somebody in the face. people's first thought would be: " it is all my friend's fault, cos he punched somebody."

think it another way round. if its my friend, especially my friend, i wouldn't think that way. i would think that something might had triggered him that cause him to do that. i would confront him about his reasons. if the reasons are acceptable, i would acknowledge and stand by him.

if the reasons are nonsensical or ridiculous, of course i would "scold" him. but then again, i would think that something must have caused him to behave this way. probably some bad family experiences or influences.

now you get what i mean? i always want to believe in the goodness of people. i refused to believe that there are bad people.

joining a new school in an entirely new environment, this means i have to make new friends in a wholly different "species". haha. i mean... im no longer in my comfort zone. there's so many kinds and types of people in this world. what's more, everyone is different. i must start to accept our differences.

the thing about making new friends. it's such a... complex thing. for some people, its natural, they make friends easily. but for me, it's not so easy. it feels like i have 'misfit' printed on my back. [yes, not my head or my backside.]

up front you see me, you like me. you think im easy going, chirpy and cheerful. turn my back around, you see something else. it's like its not me, and you have second thoughts about being my friend. cos, i dont seem like me.

rambling, ignore me.

anyway, i have this weird phobia and... block. everytime whenever i have a one on one conversation with someone, especially on the phone, i get nervous. cos, to be honest, i dont know what to talk about. i have nothing to talk about. there are always awkward silences which are quite hard to recover from. either the conversations will come to an abrupt halt, or there will be an awkward ending.

that's why i hardly call my friends to talk. that's why sometimes i get so quiet you guys just cant fathom me.

digress abit, it's funny how i can talk with jen, cow and amos for so long. with them i can talk up to hours. probably that's cos they have alot of things to say and they dont expect to me to "talk" alot. yes, i enjoy talking to them. *shrugs* dont know, probably cos i feel close to them. EH? with auntie jen. i very close to her meh?! HAHA =D

anyway, it's not that i want to be emo or whatever, it's just, i have nothing to say. i am not angry or whatever.

i once worked in a place where gossips were everywhere. sometimes these gossips contain untruth and sometimes, it hurts. i have learnt to keep everything to myself, rather than i "confront" it. cos nobody appreciates a "confrontation" about gossips. they would think you are stupid. these gossips were meant to be gossips, kept underground to talk about when you are bored. these gossips keep the fun and the liveliness alive.

anyway, i refrain from gossiping about untruths. yes, that's why sometimes it pisses me off to see my friends "talk" about the untruths and their own mis-conceptions about others. however, i admit, i do gossip too. im not a holy saint or summat, i do gossip too. only if i see them with my eyes. [even teacher eve said she read gossips to relax herself]

i only join in the gossips that i witness myself. though it might be one sided. but it's what i SEE, not what i hear. get me?

since i believe in people, i take your words for it. if you tell me this, i would believe you. i wouldn't want to suspect this or that. no second thoughts. that's my friendship and my loyalty to all my friends.

however, actions speak louder than words. some people just failed to see that.

sometimes i felt cheated by my friends. cos they tell me one thing and do another thing and still ask me to TRUST them. tell me, how am i going to trust you? tell me you're not a liar, the next moment you confess to me that you lied to your mother about smoking. tell me you're not a thief, the next time you confess to me that your hands felt itchy and you sneak a pen into your bag out of the stationary shop.

tell me, how am i going to trust you when this is all you present to me.

honestly, i want to trust you. i want to believe you. but tell me, how am i going to take you for your words when this is what you do. especially in front of me??

*i am not insinuating.

after all that i have went through, i really dont wished to see my friends suffer the same fate as i do. if i can, i would try to help them. i would want to alleviate their pain. i really want to help my friends.

friends, in the sense of teens. teenagers.

but teenagers are teenagers. they have their own mind and they dont want people to butt in and interfere with them.

the thing about me, i cant stand watching people doing the wrong things and me just doing nothing about it.

i wouldnt say i would want you to do what i want you to do. i would let you know about the situation and what's the problem. i would talk to you instead of blaming you or putting my anger on you.

it's just like being a parent. [gosh i feel so old.] it's the same about dumbledore and harry potter. we cared too much about your happiness and your safety in the future. we see the big picture. but we just totally forget what it was to be a teen, to be impulsive and think that we could handle everything. it also meant that being a teen, we forget that what our parents do, are actually for the best in us.

because we went through what they went through. we want to prevent you from hurting. that's why we tried to "stop" you.

but...teens just what to do what they think is right. they dont care about how people think about them, they dont care about the feelings of others. they think they can handle the consequences for the actions they made.

this is the thing i envy most about teenagers. the thing that make me feel i can't fit in into the teenagers' group. i can't be like that. i need to make sure people's feeling aren't being hurt.

older/elder people tell me, that's maturity. they said im matured. well. you think so?

no i dont think i am matured. if im matured, i would be able to handle some situations better and things wouldn turn out as what they are now.

right i can hear my friend telling me im trying too hard to be "perfect".

i don't know. i don't know anymore. guess the best thing to do, is to mind your own business and shut up. i had been wrong to think i could help people or influence people. i was wrong to think i could stop my friends from straying to the wrong path. i was wrong.

not only my interference caused my friends to turn back on me, i get hurt inside too. there had been so many times that this had happened: my care and love for my loved ones backfired on me. so many times, yet, i still hadn't learn from my failures.

what is wrong with me then? right i know i have repeated this many times, what is wrong me. sometimes its amusing, but this time its not.

something is wrong with me. i dont know since when, but i feel... so wrong. i feel like a misfit, a loner and broken. i always stand at the sidelines during a game. i always sit at the back of the class so that i wouldn't be "inside" a group. i always do things alone. i always keep things inside and i find it hard to express it out to somebody else, for fear i might get hurt from the betrayal.

entering this new school, this new environment, i tried to open myself up. i tried to change my life. but as i grow up, i saw different things in different light. and my "innocence" start to waiver. i began seeing people at their bad side. things are not beautiful anymore. they are all so ugly and cruel.

i tried to get out of this shell, but these things made me retreat back. i hurt all over. it's not because of what these foul things did to me. it's because my trust and belief of these beautiful people and world had been shattered. shattered into pieces and grind them into powder.

i hurt all over and i can't recover. i don't know what to do anymore. will anybody help me? will anybody be able to paint a beautiful picture for me anymore? will i ever accept the help and start all over again?

i dont know i dont know.

xoxoxo
min

p.s: please dont get worried about me over this post, though im not sure who will read till this end. it's so long. please dont show me extra attention and care. cos it pissed me off more than anything else. i dont need any sympathy. you might say you are trying to help me, but... just wait for me to open up to you guys first.

sen

2009-03-01T13:48:00.002+08:00

im deliberately stalling off time to deal with my homework even though its piling higher than ever before. procrastinating is shiok but the aftermath is like ><

its 2pm now, another 1hr before i leave for nikki's house. yes, the sentosa trip is cancelled cos nikki had an allergy attack early this morning, like 1.30am. she was having difficulty breathing, so mummy was worried and sent her to the A & E. they waited 6hrs before being treated. some A & E huh.

anyways, was feeling too tired to do homework, though i shall bring some over to nikki's house. probably i could do some work while waiting for dinner to be done or something?

tomorrow there's school. hmmm. been having mixed feelings for school. dont know since when. dont know is it cos of the freaky chinese class? the ZOMG literature class. or S.I units. bah.

im blogging for the sake of blogging. ~~smiling for the sake of smiling. being happy for the sake of being happy. and living, for the sake of living.~~

alright, shall quit whining here. shall start on mr dev's homework. see ya~

xoxoxo
min

Bleep

2009-02-28T17:32:00.002+08:00

I am just thinking...

Will i die and suffer my own economic crisis if i quit my job. This job brings me about 400bucks per month, it is enough for me to pay my bills, transport and food. Well other luxuries would have to depend on my savings,depend on how much i can cut down on my necessities.

(funny how mine is the opposite to other people. Most people cut down their luxuries to provide their necessities. Mine is the other way round. =\ )

Working had been a strain recently as school had started to go intensive. Not to mention, the term exams are just round the corner.
I need time to catch up on my homework and still gotta do some revisions.

Guess i wasnt that prepared as i thought i was. And that is saying something. I got a bad feeling thati wont excel for Os, much as i desired.
=(

Anyway, im dying to change my phone!!! I wanna change to a flip phone! Probably i'll get an LG ice cream. Yes, pink or blue. The white seemed rather plain. Hmmm. Dunno leh.

Tmr going sentosa and auntie jen called and asked me to bring a shirt for her. We shall have alot of fun tmr suntanning!! Whoopee so happy! Hopefully i'll get a horrible sunburn and scare the living daylights of my classmates on monday. (:

See ya~ =}

xoxoxo
min

honestly i dont need to know whats going on with the 2 of you

if X is more impt to you,

Go tell X everything

dont involve me into your secrets

cos i will feel so cheated

and stop using me as your back up

when X is not around

doing the right thang

2009-02-27T20:51:00.004+08:00

i ought to be shot. seriously.

barely the 3rd month into school and im starting to slack and lag behind an atrocious amount of homework. =\

MR ANGSARY [i think it's spelt like this.]
worksheet on:
surds & indices
logarithm
inequalities

MS ANGELEE
all the revision papers she gave us today

MR DEV
2 or 3 other supplement worksheets
6 newspaper article reviews
20 sentences to make

MS SHANTI
5 literature essays!!!!!!

crap! i wonder how am i gonna finish them all over the weekend! what's more, saturday i'm working, sunday i'm going sentosa. *sigh*

i really feel like crying, especially about literature. got a fucking writer's block. but ms selvi managed to convince me not to drop it. so here i am, struggling with 5 essays to do, before it adds up to 7.

yes, its a freaking 2 essays per week for literature.

anyway, apart from the homeworks, school's been alright. had our science practical 2 days ago and it was like SHIT with a "r" twang to it. [if you get my drift]

had been feeling rather pissed these few days. probably i'm PMS-ing or probably i'm just cranky. *shrugs* i felt very burdened. cos i like to think for others, and i'm always thinking for them. well... it feels almost like i'm living their lives too. =\

blah blah blah bleep bleep bleep.

some people can live in peace without the guilt bearing down upon their shoulders of hurting someone's feelings. they can be oblivious to their pain and anguish. sometimes i wonder... what am i, to my friends?

yes, that same old feelings again.

there had been many dictators around me and i'm feeling slighty scared and umcomfortable. [funny why im still blogging. blog is the best way to leech off info] they tried to get off information from me to boost themselves. im very worried if i accidentally shoot my mouth off.

honestly... it would be best if we could all mind our own business. i mean, sharing and leeching are 2 different things. i dont mind sharing thoughts and opinions with my friends, but purely trying to get off info about me or others from me just to "expand" your knowledge and contacts... that's just plain disturbing...

crap, i thought i just heard angela laughing. but it couldn't be...... =S

anyway, maybe i should delete my blog too like what my classmates did. HMMM. it's a possiblity huh? =)

xoxoxo
min

i am starting to get tired of your superiority
i am not your fall-back cushion
and i am not your convenience store
leave me out about your gangings
i know im not witty and im not funny
you dont have to remind me
and pretend that you like me too
let me just repeat this one last time
for all you people:

I AM NOT NICE, SO THAT YOU CAN FUCK ME OVER.

Thoughts provoking

2009-02-24T16:53:00.002+08:00

Been feeling rather emo these few days which puzzled my very concerned classmates. I can hear angela telling me that if i have problems, i must say it out.

I dunno... I dont really am those kind of people who will spill everything out, especially my personal life. Dont get me wrong, im not acting secrectly or whatever, just that i dont know what to say and i see no point in saying them out. Yea, of cos some i'll say but not everything. Especially on how i feel about things. Mostly i'll just say what i think.

Anyway, realised something in class today. More like a misconception everyone have.

Love does not mean you gotta bring laughter or happiness to someone. Whats more important is that the person could be by your side to go through the darkest moments of your life.

No, im not insinuating. Just some thing that got me thinking.

Yes, and i still dont think much of it. =/

xoxoxo
Min

P.s: i must make the habit of charging my things daily! My ipod and phone's battery are getting loooooow.

Blogging with my ipod

2009-02-22T11:51:00.002+08:00

Im blogging this post with my ipod! Hoho! So exciting!

The only sucky thing about it is that the freaky keypad is damn small. Or maybe you can say my fingers are fat. But i refuse to accept that. Haha. Honestly i wonder... How did people sms with iphone? Hmmm. Maybe they use stylus! Hmph! I shall use my ds stylus to type here! =}

Oh crap. It doesnt respond to the stylus or nails. Crap. But i still love my ipod! Hee! =D

Anyway im amusing myself with the new episodes of whitest kids you know. Damn funny lah! Go check it out at youtube. Confirm laugh until you peng. Haha!

Kk. Shall stop here. See ya~~

xoxoxo
min

IPOD!!!

2009-02-21T13:45:00.002+08:00

OHO! I FINALLY INSTALLED ITUNES!!

whoopee! guessed that wireless sg is really a sucky wireless to use if you wanna download things. yea. i download itunes in barely 1min with the wireless at united sq. LOVEYA UNITED SQ WIRELESS! MUACKS MUACKS!

okays. i had a freaky start today. I DIDNT BRING MY KEYS TO WORK! ohgosh. had to take cab back to home and back to united sq. wasted 15bucks. =(

but sales was very good today! yes. its even not 2pm and im reaching 400bucks already. if my luck continues, i might hit 600bucks. =D

not to mention, i have finally downloaded itunes! whoopee! downloaded loads of applications! HAH. syncing it now. =D

whoopee im so happy!! not to mention my elder bro is very happy with the things i've sent over, the lappy and everything! hee hee!

aah. ipod touch is sooo fun! now transfering songs in. maybe i could download more whitest kids you know vids into it. or some movies. =\

aah! i'll do all! SO FUN! hehehehehe!

im so distracted by my ipod. i shall do a proper post later. HEE. see ya everyone!

xoxoxo
min

count me in, or not.

pissed off-key

2009-02-19T20:29:00.007+08:00

i can't be pissed now. i wanted to blog about that pissfying itunes problem. but i just heard a great news and IM SO UBERLY HAPPY AND AM LAUGHING OUT LOUD.

yes. you got it.

~~I PICKED UP 100BUCKS ON THE FLOOR~~

SAMANTHA GOT BACK HER WALLET!

ohyea. dont know which ~~khaine soe~~kind soul returned it back to her. =)

hah, alot of bad things seemed to be happening to samantha. well, at least 1 good thing had happened! yes! think her luck's gonna change soon. yeaa! ohyeah.

was talking to her on msn just now and she proposed a very HILARIOUS thing to do in our class. we are gonna organize activities like "Singapore Idol/BMC Idol" or "Don't forget the lyrics".

HAHA. damn siao lah! imagine mr dev as one of the judges. he's gonna laugh his head off. or if the singer is really lousy, he's gonna say: "im sorry if i offend you, im a very straightforward person. im just gonna say, your singing is really lousy. when i heard it, my goosebumps all stand up."

HAHA. damn funny lah! can't wait to initialize it! tmr's gonna discuss this with the class. HEH HEH. it's gonna be so fun! (:

anyway, freaking apple just cheated me. it used to only download till 44.7mb, just now it was all the way up to 56.9 when it freezes up again. WAHLAO. DAMN ANGRY CANN?!?!?!

i dont know what to do with it anymore... =( either i download it on somebody's lappy and transfer it to my thumbdrive or keep trying till the freaky itunes finally cranked up. dont know lah. samantha said she'll pass me the setup, but i think she'll forget. =X

aiyah... *sobs* finally got ipod and now got this freaking problem. BAH.

*note*
new names in class-
steven=> Steveniie/Stevenee/Xiiao Eve
eugene=> eugeniie/geniie [awww, i like this name!]
joshua=> joshiie
bing song=>bing songiie (?!?!)
wen tao=> wen taoy (?!?!)
samantha=> sam [damn ordinary, need to think of something more disturbing. (: ]
me=> XIAO MING [WTF WTF WTF WTF!!!!!]

of all the guys name i can get, i must get the most fuckedup one. xiao ming. wahlao.

can't rmb the rest of them's name. =\ will think up of more. hee hee.

anyway, shall upload some old photos in my phone. ENJOY~

YUXUAN'S BIRTHDAY PRESENT.
helped my bro got this present for his colleague.

initially i thought it was for meiqi. so i got the heart-shaped one.
this is what i got for "her" at first.

heart-shaped box.

nice right. see i so thoughtful and creative! i should start opening a shop which sells valentine's gifts or something.

BRO'S FANTASTIC HAIRDYE.

backview

side view

front view.

i know he looks retarded. my camera got prob i think. and it wasnt that purpurish. it was more pinkish.

anyway, he dyed back to black like less than 1 week. =\

SEND MY ELDER BRO TO BRUNEI IN CHANGI AIRPORT.

bro, mum and me

bro and mum

mum and me

i know we look alike. (=

retardded photo.

HAHA. I KNOW. =D

my bro's super heavy army luggage/bag.

STUPID 2ND WART REMOVAL.

close up on the wart.

yes, my spiderman bag (:

after removing. damn swollen.

at night. all stained with blood.

bloody plaster.

THE NEXT FEW PICS MIGHT CAUSE SOME DISCOMFORT. WATCH IT OWN YOUR RISK.

the fucking wart.

the hole!!!!!

aah. im tired. shall upload more next time! take care everyone! (=

xoxoxox
min

pissed

2009-02-19T10:36:00.002+08:00

im pissed as hell. pissed in the sense that, you drank too much last night and got a terrible hangover the next day.

went over to denise yesterday cos was feeling kinda moody. probably cos of the supressed 17/02. to my shock, denise was feeling cranky too, though that's not very unusual. chit chatted about school and stuff and she suddenly mention him.

i thought they were over and done with and apparently, they're not.

but then again, who am i to judge when me myself took such a looooong time to get over it.

so, the usual again. bought several bottles of vodka and drink them at her house. we shouldn't have got that 40% vodka. cos she was downing it like. O.O cups after cups.

well, i was just minding my own business, drinking it slowly with coke. i was determined to control myself. drank till 2am and denise flopped. put her to bed and i cleared up everything. i was feeling slightly woozy but i wasnt drunk! i assure you, i am not! i dont get drunk that easily, k!

so cleared up, fell asleep on the mattress immediately. forget to drink cold water before sleeping...

so here i am, with a terrible hangover, using my lappy to blog. denise is still sleeping, so i think i shall leave when she wakes up.

been so long since i last drank so much. and im still waiting for the day to get drunk. funny part was that, i always try to control myself. i know i can't drink that much cos its bad for my body. hmms. i dont know. im still waiting. probably on my birthday or something?

lalala. i dont know what to do now. am downloading itunes now but i cant open more programs cos it will slow down the spped of download. bah! what should i do??

78% and counting! can't wait to start playing around my ipod. ohhh! i shall get a crystal case and zhng it! like what stevenie did to his phone. maybe i should take a photo of him and his phone. HAHA. he's gonna zhng a dark pink, sparkly big "S"[sound so wrong. big s] on the back of his phone. haha! i cant wait!

maybe i should zhng my ipod too. or my DS. or my future phone. hmms.

on crystal case of cos!

talking about phone... found out that W960I had a built in 8gig memory! that's the same as my ipod! ~.~ angela and steven were like telling me, they rather get the phone than an ipod. =\ dont know leh. i want to try ipod leh.

so i was thinking, what's the point of getting a walkman phone when i have an ipod?

pissed off. i still cant download itunes. WTF?!?!?!

xoxoxo
min

ipod touch

2009-02-18T19:03:00.002+08:00

I FINALLY GOTTEN MY IPOD TOUCHHHHH!!

WHOOPEEEEEE!!

THANKS TO MY MUMMY! HEE! ME LOVE MY MAMA LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS!

yes! finally. i've been using my broken like dont know what creative zen mp3 for a few years. no doubt its still in working condition, but the... condition of the mp3 is like... >< >< ><

and what's worse of it is that, it is a mere 1gb.

yes... i got that mp3 for my birthday... 4years ago i think! wow. last time i thought 1gb was alot. but i found out it was NOT at all! i've been deleting my old songs to make space for the new ones. with my new ass-spanking 8gb memory, i dont have to delete anymore!

8gb seems alot. think samantha is using 8gb too and she said she still had a lot of space left over. HAH. shall download and transfer lots of songs, movies and games into it. HEH.

anyway. i dont know what i wanna blog about. so i shall be random again.

yesterday night met up with mummy, cowie, jen, nikki and ken han for a singing session! WOOTS! so long since i last sang in a karaoke! whoopee! so happy.

oh, its been sooo long since i last nikki too. missed her loads. =D

sang allooooot of songs. sang till 11pm, then went home. it was fun being with my godfamily again. =)

today met up with stevenie at s'goon mrt to go dhoby for class. stevenie damn early lah. ~.~ we reached dhoby at 8.30am. ~.~

met up with debbie and went for class. did linear inequalities. i thought it would be like the one mr dev taught us. but it was not. it was quite fun. yeaa. steven keep bullying me in class lah. wahlao. keep distracting me and i made alot of stupid mistakes lah. ~.~

had break with debbie. saw handsome guy up the stairs. he only attend 1/2hr of the 2 1/2hr class. means, 1/5 of the class. tsk handsome guy.

after class went back to AMK. bought my silicon case and screen protector for my ipod touch. found out that a new W960I is 430bucks.... =(

met up with angela. wah, today she wear until very formal lah. ~.~ went to buy food at S11 and saw ms angelee they all. bought food and went to the nearby foodcourt and saw samantha and was told she had lost her wallet.

=(

omg, so poor thing lah! wahlao! which freaking idiot stole it?? hopefully, whoever have the heart to return it to the police station or the school. man. i feel so sad for samantha. she looked so... helpless.

left her to go for enrichment class. had science. *sigh* after that it was S.I's class. freaky hell she go "teach" trigo for what. pissed off.

went home after class. damn tired.

im fiddling around ipod. HEE. so happy.

okays, dont know what to blog anymore. see ya everyone. takecare!

xoxoxo
min

wee wheee

2009-02-16T23:10:00.003+08:00

i am trying not to think how tired i will be tomorrow. cos i havent finish mr dev's lil bit of homework he assigned us. i am trying to finish them now.

thanks so much mr dev, it's really breakfast, lunch, tea, dinner and supper! i'm so freaking full, you wouldnt believe me.

sometimes i feel pissed off by the school teachers who always assumed us holistic students are rich kids whose school fees are paid by our rich parents. they think we are soooo free in the weekend to do homework and revisions. (no, im not pinpointing at anyone)

even though my work is flexible and i can do my homework there, but kelly always asked me to go chitchat with her. so i dont really have any free time to do my homework. not to mention, the freaking workdesk there is uberly small. ~.~

at least maths, english and science is still fine. i think i can do it pretty quickly. but the frustrating part is the LITERATURE. the damn teacher is going to set us 2 essays per week.
~.~ i always complete her homework on thurs night or friday. tell me, 2 essays. how am i going to do it??? im already half dead with 1 essay, 2's gonna kick me into my coffin and snap shut with thousands nails.

i doubt even david copperfield's illusion tricks can save me. =(

bah.

yesterday met mummy lim at united sq. she was working as a promoter at the baby fair. thanks uncle calvin for sending us to the mrt station! then mummy and i went to kfc for a drink and chat.

man, i felt so sad for her. gosh, people used to pity me for my life. they used to take damn good care of me. now when im comfy and all, i totally forgotten about them. i feel so selfish. cos i actually wanted to slack off work cos i felt damn lazy. i was thinking, "aiyah, i dont have to work so hard lah. my mama and my bro got money. i dont have to pia-h so much"

but i have forgotten that it is very important to earn alot of money. i have forgotten that some of my friends are having financial problems. i have forgotten how when i was down in my times, they had unconditionally lend their helping hand without a second word. i really have forgottened.

talking to mummy yesterday jolt me awake. gosh! i am so disgusted of myself. i am going to work HARD. STUDY HARD AND WORK HARD. YES! i think i could start doing tuitions for primary school kids. hmm. nah, dont think i can do secondary. THINK ONLY! cos school's starting to go intensive, im damn worried that i couldnt cope.

took cab home with her. insisted on paying for the cab fare. HAH. my turn to stash and stuff money into resisting hands. =D went home and talked to my mama for 3hrs till 1am+. slept at 2am. =S

anyways, school was okay. had sciences and siao samantha sat beside me! really. i cant sit beside samantha. cos i get damn DISTRACTED by her. HAHA. yes. keep going off track and thinking about things that shouldnt be thought.

what science is like sex. chemistry is like love, what you gotta share in a relationship, cannot give and take. then biology is so wet?!?!

NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. that's so wrong! i should be remembering why we need to learn valency and not all these.

NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

oh and i think steven had succeeded after me of asking stupid questions in science class. ~~which pisses off S.I. hee hee.~~

oh, and suay arh. sat on a chair with vandalism on the chair back. "randy jackson heart heat rosy" WTF. and samantha's BOB or BUBU, or whoever lah. both who failed their english. HAHA.

had the school staircase determined ~~our~~ my fate and decided to pon chinese class and go jalan with samantha. cos CHINESE CLASS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO TAKE IT! with the smart guy(s) and girls as classmates there, and the china teacher, i feel so what staying in that class. CMI CMI CMI.

was thinking whether to drop chinese or not. can save money leh. not cheap you know!

anyway, went PS with samantha. walked around and had drinks at secret recipe. talked about PL and stuff. i really miss my cca lah! =( i wanna see ~~gay~~ liu qi zhou lao shi again. i wonder if he remembers me. =(

went home around 4pm. hmm. samantha looks like she's heading for Hell instead of Hougang. *shrugs* dont know. well, i hope things are fine.

i can't help guessing whether samantha's coming to school tmr or not. scarly tmr morning, she go pick some random items and start counting. "go school, dont go school. go school, dont go school." haha. then if she never come, the school will call, and her mum will do a classic again. " she's angry. she's not happy. she cries. she locked herself in her room." KUP. wah, classic. *claps*

went home and slack around. mama had good news. HAHA. wonder how long lady luck's gonna shine over us...? why cant it stand at my friends' side too? =(

was playing DS the whole evening/night. until just now when i suddenly remembered I GOT HOMEWORK TO DO.

OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN.

somemore it's mr dev's.

*sigh*

then i remembered i gotta send felicia the sales report. cham. i everything also havent do yet. think gotta ask auntie jen to help me. =\

how i hate myself.

BAH!

i wonder what phone i wanna change to. wanna try flip phone but dont have nice ones. LG ice-cream are CHIO but LG brand. =S

then steven keep telling me not to get touch screen. =S wahlao. dont know leh. i see his P1 crack until so jialat i also abit scared too.

DONT KNOW LAH. shall check out some phone shops tmr. tmr got mr dev and power ranger's class. should be okay lah. im not worried about the class, im more worried about my SEATS IN CLASS!

sidetrack,
i just pouted when i think about my seats at sch tmr and someone walked past me and saw me pouting. WAHLAO. MALUUUUUUUUUU. PAISEH ARHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

anyway, tmr i must go school early and BOOK MY SEAT. but i feel bad taking up 3 seats. okay lah, maybe ask debbie and fina sit with me. i must be earlier than the 6pts guy. he think he got 6pts for N, he can take my usual spot arh? NO WAYYYYYYYY. jie jie me older than him, so must let me have my seat!!!! PRIORITY SEAT YOU KNOW!

HAHAHAHAHAAAA. i suddenly thought about the mrt trip to dhoby this afternoon.
("you are, we are not. -samantha)

wahlao.

okay, i cannot continue ranting here. gotta do my homework. its 12midnight now. wonder what time i'll sleep.

HMMM.

dont care. must wake up early. i MUST!

xoxoxo
min

burfdaes

2009-02-14T17:55:00.004+08:00

auntie jen called me just now and we talked abit. by just now, i meant a few hours ago. WAHAHA.

anyway, she asked me what am i going to do for my birthday and i was kinda stumped by it.

what i wanna do for my birthday...

i've actually wanted a chalet or a bbq and invite all my friends. but i think it will kinda awkward. take mandy for instance, though she knew nikki and family, but it will be kinda weird for her if i went off with my other friends.

then if i invite the dodos... so long never see, i also dunno what they will be like. no doubt they will mingle around themselves, but i will still feel bad.

my present classmates too. i wonder how they will be like. moreover, i hardly tell them about my personal lives.

so how about that? i dont know.

was telling jen that i wanna go sentosa again when i realised i last went there on my birthday last year! OMG can you believe that? for someone like me who loves beach and sun, i cant believe its soooo looooong.

so i was thinking if i should go again, but it will be so weird to go again on my birthday and its like doing the same thing as last year and i dont want!

=( aiyahhh.

proababy just a simple meal at some seaside restaurant. dont want to make it so fancy cos i know its difficult to pack everyone's schedule in it. yeaa. i miss my girls badly. been so long since i've last seen da jie, qin ai de and nikki. ohyea, and jennifer auntie. HAHA.

i dont know. ms toh me very fickle. knowing me, i might change last minute. ohyeah baby!

anyway, it's PINK FOR VALENTINE! [or so samantha said. i even change my msn font color to pink just to entertain this thought... what is wrong with me?!?!]

well. i feel for samantha, and i can't help feeling so... 委屈for her. it's the same feeling for nikki when she told me that her relationship with ken han had to be kept underground cos ken han's parents were afraid ken han might be distracted for his As.

to me, that particular point, just insinuated that nikki is a DISTRACTION to ken han. i was really furious when i heard that. but then, probably what nikki said was right, his parents didnt really know nikki at that point of time, so they might have so blind prejudice.

but that just sound so wrong! how could ken han's parents think that ken han's chosen girlfriend would be a distraction. it would be distrusting his son's decision. that is just so wrong.

but im glad nikki and ken han's family are good on terms now. yes, but nikki only had to endure a few months. in samantha's case, hers are like more than a few months. you can say, her boyfriend is her whole reason and motivation for getting this Os.

i really admire and pei fu samantha for this. really. i hope her deja-vuish dreams aren't real. oei samantha! can't you dream of something better meh? try and control your dreams lah!

hahaa. right. im just trying to cheer her up kae? HEH HEH.

it is not easy, i know. but never give up, yea?

我从不怕爱错，就怕没爱过。

-五月天，孙悟空

that's love for ya.

xoxoxo
min

so sick of love song

2009-02-14T12:38:00.003+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S!

sure seemed pretty weird that today is a such happy lovey day when yesterday was friday the 13th. the most suay day on earth.

hmm.

anyway, yesterday lit was boring as ever. kept wondering why i still continue with the freaky subject when i cant absorb what the teacher is teaching? it was the same thing in sec2. it was the streaming year and we given to decide over pure lit or pure geog. i just choose pure lit. i dont know why. i used to hate lit. but i hate geog more. that's why i chose lit and stuck with it with pure vigour and passion without knowing why i love it.

its the same thing now, i guess. the old PL spirit in me just made me go pursue lit all the way. till now, i would say i love lit. i know, my english sucked. but i still love lit. i love shakespeare's works. i love plays and dramas. i enjoy puns, ironies and finding out contradictions. i like to decipher hidden meanings and messages, and reading between the lines.

well... i guess i can try and borrow notes from nikki or samantha. i dont know.

blank blank blank.

work was terrible. so many things to take care of. i feel so lazy, you know? why am i slogging my life out for that miserable pay when i still gotta study like shit for my Os. nobody cares that. its not their business to care. but why cant they do their job?? you do your job and i do mine. why must i do your share too??

i hate working. i dont want to work. they say that working can get me money. yes, i need the money. but i need rest too. i need time to study too.

angela was suggesting that we could meet up on sat to do some revisions together. i wanna go too... but i cant. and i hate it. i hate this restriction.

BAH. pissed.

koped class pics from samantha's blog. haha.

enjoyy~

Informal, kiam pa pic.

From top left: Steven the man, Me sugarrush, Finaaaaa, it's angeLER, not angeLAR, wen tao xiong

From bottom left: Ayu to the ni, DEBBIE shi bu shi, khaine soe/kind soul, siao samantha.

MIA: joshua

samantha: "all dont smile!"

end up, SO KIAM PA.

think me and wen tao can fight for the most kiam pa face. fina would be the runner up. (:

Informal pic

CHEEEESE!

me love my class. (=

xoxoxox
min

sometimes

2009-02-12T21:44:00.003+08:00

sometimes i wonder... why am i putting so much conscious into thinking for others when some people just can't be sensitive enough to bother?

i shan't elaborate more, cos i know it will get me no where.

oh, and im sick and tired of people trying to get info about others off me. be it about others or about me. i hate people with motives. stop trying and stop slugging the guilt thing on me again. i am not nice just so you can fuck me over.

whatever. im keeping it down on my side, and i wish you people can be considerate enough to spare a thought for others.

anyway anyway, school was strangely... quiet. probably it's cos it's a whole day of enrichment class with less than 4ppl everytime, or cos some noisy people werent in class. or probably i just lack my sugar or probably cos my sugar-inducer samantha is damn tired today.

had a fun and smooth lesson with ms selvi. left around 10am to go amk mrt to pass the keys. went back class and talked abit and had long john for lunch. the long johns staff are like *roll eyes* lousy i would say. the staff wasnt happy when ayuni requested another knife cos debbie dropped hers. so when ayuni came back and told us about it, and debbie, WOAH DEBBIE. she picked up the dropped knife, wiped it "clean" and gave it back to the staff. now i dont dare to eat long johns anymore....... hahaa.

it was a weird atmosphere at long johns. probably it was the lack of the bouncy music. steven swallowed a big cube of ice when we were all laughing about the "gui" and "shui" thingy. hahaa.
moral of the story: never talk with your mouth full. haha.

went back class and debbie didnt join us cos her legs are ugly. erm, sound so wrong. anyway, left me, fina and steven. did math with fina. after ms selvi was ms rawdah's class. didnt want to join but was persuaded in the end.

went to hawker to snack abit after ms selvi's class. ayuni then join us. poor ayu. because of our indecisive, she went back and forth the mrt and the bus. hahaa. sorrehh.

hmmm. mind our own business at ms rawdah's class. hmmm. can see she's trying to make an effort to click with us, but... it's just so weird. guess it needs time to adjust.

after class, waited with ayuni for her boyfriend. then left with fina to the atm. parted with her then went to the hawker to buy dinner for mama. took 853 home then.

*sigh*
i dont know what's this feeling. i assure you its not cos of the approaching lonely valentine. more of PMS i guess, cos fina keep going on about it at class. *shrugs*

more of like... i dont know what to do anymore. no doubt im getting my Os... but everything just feel so wrong. my teachers are wonderful and im learning somethings. my classmates are great who always brightens my day, making me laugh like hell.

but there's just something that is missing. seeing samantha aches me sometimes. she had graduated from PL and D'arts. something that i can never do. something that i really wanna do.

sometimes when she ask me to go back PL with her, half of me really wants to go. i wanna see my old school, my teachers, my cca. but i cant go. i just.

the shame is still burning and i just cant let go. i dont know how to face them.

nealy teared when i heard this song over the radio. ms toh arh ms toh, what is wrong with you?

xoxoxoxo
min

This is for my people's who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high, we will never say bye

Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my people's who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me alive
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying, "I miss you"
But when we talked too

All them grown full things separation brings
You never let me know it, you never let it show
Because you loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you for awhile
I wish I could find a way try not to cry
As time goes by

And soon as you reached a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm bragging next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye, bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the teddy bear you gave me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong that you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you for awhile
I wish I could find a way try not to cry
As time goes by

And soon as you reached a better place
Still I'll give the world to see your face
And I'm bragging next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye, bye bye

This is for my people's who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high, we will never say bye

Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my people's who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye, bye

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you for awhile
I wish I could find a way try not to cry
As time goes by

And soon as you reached a better place
Still I'll give the world to see your face
And I'm bragging next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye, bye bye

Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye, bye bye

lazy

2009-02-10T23:15:00.002+08:00

HAPPEE BURFDAY DEBBIEEEEEEE!

school was fine. had mr dev's class. english was dissecting an newspaper article by this writer called frances ong. something in the article got me thinking and it's brooding me.

sharing

how would you feel about sharing 1 mobile phone between 3 teenagers. i get pretty tensed up even by people who tried to see my phone, let alone sharing it. i dont know. when khaine soe brought up the sharing part, something just hit me in my heart. i dont know how to explain it but it's eating me up.

english was proceeded by maths. after class sang birthday song to DEBBIE and gave her her present. =D hope she likes it.

had lunch at the hawker center. fina cheated us. she said she wanted to eat her fav chicken rice and end up she bought mixed veg rice... cos we were debating between s11 [dunno who wants to go s11...] and the hawker. since all of us cant decide and only fina knows what she wants, so we ended up at the hawker. if we were at s11, i thought we could get a cake at polar for debbie too. =X

YES I AM PERSISTENT ABOUT THE WHOLE CAKE THINGY.

eversince samantha's birthday, i kept insisting on having a cake for our birthdays. c'mon, what's birthday without birthday cake? *shrugs*

saw bryan wong and kevin soh at the hawker filming the food show. the pai pai zhan, cha cha kan show. yea. fina keep saying they are so handsome so handsome so handsome.

honestly i thought they looked kinda short in real life, and kinda... meaty. HAHA. dont know lah.

went back school and parted with debbie who is celebrating her birthday with her family. had mr yeo's class then. angela became high after eating the panadol. ~.~ when the effect of panadol had faded, she started getting restless and began venting her fustrations on steven. HAHA.

was kinda sleepy at mr yeo's class. not that his class is thaaaat boring, just that, im tired and it was very comfy at class. listened to mr yeo tell us about his experiences and after his worksheet, we started doing our maths.

slack around and was kinda irritated by wen tao's speech about chinese history in chinese to mr yeo. wahlao. what qin shi wang, cao cao blah blah blah. he sound so hao lian lor. ~.~

was happy to end their conversation when class end, and took bus home. watched 2 episodes of 'bull-fighting'. haha. then i fell asleep. ~.~ woke up at 9pm. told myself i would do homework at 10pm. but my younger bro came home and i couldnt do homework in the living room. so i got out to mac and do.

bought coffee to hog the table. wonder if i would fall asleep later. tmr's a-maths. wonder how debbie and handsome guy would be like in business studies. hmms. shall see. (:

toodles!

xoxoxo
min

p.s: i just realise, Business Studies, B.S. B.S=Bull Shit. HAHA.

oops.

valentine's coming. but it's just too late.

got so qiao or not?!

2009-02-07T14:43:00.005+08:00

I REALLY MUST BLOG ABOUT THIS!!!!! ARRGGHHH!!!

*deep breathe*

this morning, after i open shop, debbie called me and told me an OMG-I-CAN'T-BELIEVE-IT news. yesterday she went clubbing and saw HANDSOME GUY!

OMG OMG OMG.

and, handsome guy talked to her!!

OMG OMG OMG.

wait somemore.

and...

HANDSOME GUY ASKED HER TO DANCE WITH HIM.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!

and still got...

HANDSOME GUY ASKED FOR HER NUMBER!

OMG!!!!!!

got so qiao or not?! just last few weeks we were gossiping about him from afar, and yesterday, debbie talked to him, danced with him and got his number!

omg! it's like a dream come true lah! i still cant believe it! when we first knew of handsome guy, debbie was going on about how she didnt dance with him last time. then when our chinese class got split up and we couldnt see handsome guy anymore, debbie was like saying how she wished handsome guy got take business studies. and this last wed, handsome guy appear in business studies!

OMG! GOT SO QIAO OR NOT! MUST BUY 4D ARH!!!

holyshit. its really a dream. *slap debbie, then debbie slap me back* no, it's not a dream. it is REAL. R-E-A-L!

i dont know what to think anymore. true i say i dont think handsome guy is handsome, so why am i making such a big fuss here. but!! all these events are tooooo qiao already!

i cant wait for wed when we go down for business studies/a maths class. OH! maybe monday can see already. AHAHAHA. i cant wait sia!!

right, i shall stop being high. *deep breathe*

work was pretty alright. sales was okay, despite there being not much people. yeayea. im so sianzed here, i dunno what to do. grrrrrrrrr.

hao lah, i shall end here. heh heh. shall go watch my 'bullfighting' show secretly. HEEHEE.

ooh! just now a customer damn funny lah. she asked me if the thomas chopsticks are useful or not. so, you know my pattern, i just give the facts. so i told her for younger kids it's basically useless cos its not training chopsticks. but it is good for collection cos its from japan.

so she said she already got those kind of collection chopsticks and she thanked me for being honest with her. HAHA. first time got a customer "praise" me for being honest. HEH HEH. i feel so happy all of a sudden.

okay, handsome guy is awake now and is msging debbie. HEH. shall kaypoh abit. hahaha!

xoxoxo
min

LIT

2009-02-06T22:19:00.000+08:00

okies, i really hadn't been blogging cos i hadn't been feeling well this few weeks. after the swollen lips, i think im down with flu/cold. it started in tues i think, when we were having mr yeo power ranger's class. mr yeo damn nice, he let us do our maths. so i chionged my maths cos i missed class last friday then i got this terrible headache lah. i thought i was doing too much maths and that's why of the headache.

then my nose started to drip. then the symptoms starts to show itself. crapsticks. couldn't bring myself up on thurs. i couldnt even manage to message steven to tell him i couldnt go school.

i only missed 2 days of class and my mum had started to nag. even that last friday with my swollen lips, she said i could still go school with it. i just wear a mask will do. ~.~ then last thurs, she said i was being so weak. just a small flu and i missed school. she kept on going saying i paid so much for school and im skipping it all. such a waste blah blah blah.

*sigh* my mum is seriously not empathetic at all. im working and studying everyday. it comes to no surprise that my body will fail me cos i had yet adjusted to this pattern and my mama had to nag at me. ~.~ honestly im not weak or something, but i felt really ill that thurs. and my mama just dont understand.

*sigh*

anyway, i am just back from literature class and i thought i really should blog about this. HEH.

today's class was not as draggy and boring as the last few i attended. it was probably cos there were some new students who were quite... "active". yea. last time when the teacher asked for responses, we just kept quiet. but there were this girl and some guys at the back who kept some chirpy ideas which made the class quite interactive.

it was kinda fun at the prose part. we were responding and giving our ideas. until the ~~weird~~ teacher decide to give us break. ~.~ it was like the "high" part of the lesson and she just announce break. siao. after the break, everyone was back to the sian sian mood and the teacher starts droning on again.

i was hoping the guys would make some noise again to make the class lively but the teacher. wahlao. there was 1 guy who was trying to say his idea out, but he was hesitating whether or not. then the teacher say: "you 3 guys, if you have something to say then just say it, if you dont, then dont say anything. you know you are disrupting the class by doing this and talking among yourselves."

immediately the guys diamed. the next 1/2hr was total silence except for the teacher. ~.~

at the midsummer's night dreams, i really thank that guy sia! the teacher was talking about the wall and the moonlight thing when the guy asked, "so that's the 2 problems faced?"

the teacher: "what problem? there is no problem"
guy: "quinn said there was 2 problems."
teacher: "that is at the later part of the chapter. we are going according in sequence, so please dont jump ahead"
guy: "no, it's the same chapter. act 3 scene 1."

the teacher was confused lah. she crazy one. she skipped that part, she didnt know. it was on the same page somemore. so she said...

teacher: "no... puck hasn't come in yet. puck is in the later part. *when did puck comes in?!?!
*guy: "no... its on the same page."
teacher: ".... puck is in the later part. we will deal with that later as we go along.

then she goes on on her own.

the guy's friend who was sitting behind him, tapped on his shoulder and told him what the teacher was saying. then the guy said, "haha. at least you got answer the question."

i was grinning secretly like hell lah! the teacher is like... OMG. the wall and the moonlight were the 2 problems faced by the crowd of peasants lah! still say there was no problems... tsk! honestly.

today i would say it's an so-so, okay class. from 30+ of people, left around less than 20... hahaha. thanks to the girl and the guys, the class moved at quite a considerate speed today. heheheh.

anyway, class had been fine. news of the week: angela plucked out her toe nails. LOL. that girl is really crazy. she is really crazy. she just had this bad habit of plucking things out. haha.

had a new student from china join us. hmms. think he and joshua will be good friends. WAHAHA.

today samantha suddenly whipped out her camera and started taking photos. ohyeah. we took class photo somemore. got formal and informal one leh! cool right! HAHA. damn funny lah those photos. see samantha will send over or not, then i'll upload here. laugh until i peng arh.

ohyeah! OMG i really gotta say this. how coincidental can this be? handsome guy is taking business studies too! debbie was soooo excited and happy to see him. ooh, and she found out about his name and his age too. HAHA.

ooh, and i saw handsome guy close up that day after a maths. debbie was so kan chiong to drag us out of class to see him. and you know what? i think he look like a kid up close. at first when i only saw him from afar, he looked sophisticated and mature. but up close, he looked like 16. yea. and not that handsome at all. HAHA. not to mention, he dispensed wearing handband that day. maybe he take out to wash and havent dry yet. hahahahahahhaaaa.

okies, think i better go sleep soon. tomorrow working. ~.~ i am so freaking tiredd!

xoxoxoxo
min

blarddy hell

2009-02-01T11:40:00.003+08:00

im talking to my elder bro on msn and im trying not to smile or laugh too much.

aries just dashed into my shop to wish me happy birthday. ren ri. chu qi. the seventh day of CNY. siao woman. lols.

anyway, my lips are badly swollen and a flesh is protruding on the inside of my bottom lips and it's hurting like hell. was thinking of having it surgically removed but my mama said it will heal on its own. so i didnt see the doctor at all. =(

my friends told me to gargle salt water. SIAO. damn painful can. it's antiseptic, yes i know. but... its a wound after all. have you heard of this proverb called, "rubbing salt on wound"? you should know yea.

but surprisingly, yesterday night when i tried, it wasnt that painful. but it wasnt that effective too. it's still swollen like hell. ~.~ though in the middle of the night, i woke up with a terrible stomachace. =( had to sit in the toilet with a sleepy head. it was damn painful, but strangely, i didnt perspire. usually when my stomach hurt like hell, like when i have an indigestion, i will sweat like siao when doing my business. but that day, no.

i wonder...

anyway, im back at united square doing nothing. didnt want to come today, but aiya... work is work. let us be responsible people.

hope i feel much much better for school tomorrow. dont wanna miss another day of class. i have already missed literature and i think im gonna die in that subject. wish me luck! =D

xoxoxoxo
min

new yerrr

2009-01-27T21:39:00.002+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! =D

funny, how weird this sounds for someone like me. i totally dont get the atmosphere of CNY this year and i dont know why im saying this out. if my mum hadnt ask when CNY will be, i doubt i'll even know it's arrival. =X

hmm.

worked at mac on chu yi. it was... okay. pretty tiring, but not so like last year's. last year was really busy. yea. this year is pretty slow and steady.

saw razid the bitch. haha. I MISSED HIM LOADS CAN. haha. he said i dont look happy seeing him. nahh, that's cos i was tired when he came, so i didnt look happy. he's still the same, bitchy and slutty, but he looked healthier. yupps :) ooh, i thought black hair really suits him. =D

threw a towel in razid's face before i left mac. HAHA.

after work, went home and bathed. slack around watching tv and doing a maths at the same time. my nose keep dripping and dripping lah! whined to my mama that i dont feel well and she just ignored me.

slept at 11pm. didnt sleep well at all. =(

didnt go to mac today cos i dont feel good. was planning to sleep longer but couldnt. ate breakfast and played abit of game. did my a maths again. had fun doing matrices! wahahah.

the thing about maths is that, once you get the concept and the hang of it, it's actually very fun to do. was bobbing my head to the music and giggling to myself when doing a maths. i was sooo happy. (:

had lunch and my mama stole my earpiece. so i couldnt listen to music and do my maths. became edgy and couldnt concentrate. so i gave up and tried to sleep. couldnt sleep so i went to play my ds.

well, that's how i celebrate my CNY. awesome right? yea i know. =)

anyway, tomorrow there's school! whoopeee! i missed school. a maths first lesson. let's see if we can see the shuai ge debbie keep going on about. (:

dont know what more to say already, so shall end here!

tata~

xoxoxo
min

freaky cawwww

2009-01-24T21:33:00.002+08:00

freak! im just been bitten by a freaking mosquito. this seat at mac is sooooo dirty. shall choose a better seat next time.

slacked the whole dayy today. whoopee! so nice. the first officially lie in i had eversince school started. (= it was shiokkkkk!

lazed around, had breakfast then laze around again. mwhahaha. then started to prepare for the things that i need to send to my bro but i couldnt find his freaking frozen throne disc. accidentally knock on my younger bro's injured leg twice during the search. HAHA.

gave up the search for the frozen throne and slack around. had lunch then read abit of book, play abit of DS. was thinking whether to go mac and work or not but i decided against it. ooops! im really tired and i think i should deserve a break. (: so called mac and told them im not going.

told myself that i would do a-maths later at night but was too lazy to do so. end up i went to dhoby ghaut to buy my knitting stuffs.

i am so freaking happy i found the yarns! but i was abit disappointed with the needles... i wanted the 4.5mm, 30cm, colored ones. but they dont have. so got the 25cm one instead.

walked around PS, shopped at carrefour and then went home.

tried to start on my knitting but i forgotten how to cast on. so i had to come to mac and use the internet and see the video. =X

i am still tired despite having the day off. dunno why. probaby it's just school. dont get me wrong, i loveeee school. i love getting high with my classmates. ohyea, sugar rush baby. (:

samantha says that we should all have sugar something emails. like mine would be huiming_sugarrush. she damn siao lah. what sugarslow, sugarcrawl, sugarroll, sugarswim and so forth... haha. i think she should be sugarhigh. WHAHAHA. she's always high. =D

cant wait to go back school. i get so sianzed everytime i think about work.

ooh, speaking of samantha, i hope she's feeling better. this is not a time to break down and everything. giving up will only confirm their prejudice. jiayou samantha aka sugarhigh. HAHA.

dunno what to say anymore. see ya all next time. happy chinese new year! =D

xoxoxo
min

im a big big girl
in a big big world
it's not a big big thing
if you leave me

no time

2009-01-21T21:43:00.002+08:00

i am back at serangoon mac, using their wireless on my limited battery lappy, with their radio stuttering with static every now and then. ~.~ gosh this mac is really crappy.

been really really busy with school and work. i dont even have time to blog on my wordpad... =/ everyday is 9am to 5pm, and sometimes even later. now at work im staying until 9pm to go home with kelly. whole week 7 days, no break at all. i think im gonna die soon.

school had been fun with my classmates getting all high, talking and laughing like hell. like yesterday. LOL. made soooo much noise at the KFC. but seriously, we dont care. we just talked and laugh like siao. went for mr yeo's, ex-power ranger class after that. laughed all the way through it. poor mr yeo was like being neglected, cos me, angela, debbie and samantha were like laughing and laughing and laughing about our own jokes.

today's school was fine. met up with debbie, steven the man and joshua for a maths and business studies. we started on matrices in a maths and both me and steven are like kinda confused about it. oh, and i must really stop relying on steven for answer. HAHA. like today we did some revision questions and i totally had no clue what to do. keep looking over at what steven was doing. tsk, i must really practise more on my a maths.

after a maths, met up with debbie and joshua to go back amk for enrichment class. debbie was crazy about that headband guy. GOSH. she keep saying he's handsome and handsome and handsome and handsome. [but not as handsome as her bf. LOL.]

i saw that guy too on our first class of chinese but i really think he's a malay initially. cos he's so tanned with that skinny body. not really skinny lah, more like... got go gym train one. he remind me abit of razid, that's why i thought he was malay.

anyway, debbie kept going on how handsome he is and how last time when she went for clubbing, that guy asked her to dance with him. how she regret not dancing with him that time. ~.~ she's like so crazy. i dont really find him that handsome and i kept dissing him about the headband thing. hello, headbands are like the millenium year de in thing. why is he still wearing headband and everything. *roll my eyes and shake my head like xiao zhu*

but debbie think otherwise. true lah, he's like one in a million. i think he's the only one at bmc who wear headband. bwhahahaha. but i really dont think he's that handsome lor! probably because i hadnt seen him face to face before. haha. no no, let's wait for debbie to take a close up photo of him. we shall see. WHAHAHA.

ooh, and i dont think he's 17. definitely not. wait for debbie to ask him. HAHA. debbie is sooooo crazzyy.

parted with her at bishan and the guys and i went to S11 for lunch. saw ms angelee, samantha and ayuni there and we walked back to school together.

crapped around as usual in ms angelee's class. she mark our 'dogs' essay while we do chem. ~.~ hate chem. after chem, we slack around. listened to joshua and ms angelee talked about their various creepy experience. im kinda... dont want to listen to it. cos it's... scary lah. dont wanna think too much then end up cannot sleep. =\

after that was mrs sabira islam's class. wanted to skip her class but... aiya. so had her lesson, did e maths and chem. when mrs islam gave an example using marbles, both samantha and joshua laughed like siao lah! the 2 of them keep thinking about those things that shouldnt be thought about. especially joshua lah! keep polluting our poor innocent steven's mind. TSK.

after her class, left to meet my mama to buy a new lappy for my bro. mama want to watch the stupid taiwanese show so she's meeting me after 530pm. slacked around at the library. after that went to courts to meet my mama. bought a lenovo one at 1700bucks. bah. think it will be around 2000bucks plus shipping fees and everything. crap lah.

2000bucks leh. wahlao eh. sometimes i hate my brother for doing this kind of thing. im like so busy with school and everything and he demands me to do this kind of crappy thing for him. somemore money is so tight for me and he's like spending it like nobody's business. gosh.

had dinner at food court then take cab home. found out my younger bro sprained his leg damn badly. swollen like a pig's braised trotter. HAHA. cos his skin tone is dark brown and the sprained part is like... greyish in colour. so look like braised trotter lor. LOLS.

mama brought him to see the senseh. my maid was manuveuring him onto the wheelchair and i think she accidentally "hit" his leg and my bro screamed lah. i laughed like mad can. cos my bro usually isnt that sensitive. this time seeing him so squeamy makes him look so funny.

my bro insisted that he dont want us to fuss about him. he now moves around the house using the computer chair. [lucky he got alot of practise, should be an expert liao. hahahahaa] LOLS. it's like he was struggling out of the wheelchair just now when he came back from the senseh. we were so worried, but after he managed to land onto the computer chair, he was like moving with great speed and agility. my bro damn siao lah.

it's now 1030pm. i still hadnt touch on any homework. zzz. shall wake up extra early to do some homework and send my bro's lappy to him. wonder how much money i gotta spend again... *sigh*

CNY is coming and all i can think is that i need to work during the holidays. then it's school again.
=(

bah bah bah. tmr whole day is enrichment class. should i learn from fina and pon school? HMMM...

hao la, shall end here. take care everyone~ till next time. (=

xoxoxo
min

first weekend

2009-01-17T13:09:00.002+08:00

my first weekend. *slumps*

im so freaking tired and right now, im working. gosh! i cant take it anymore!! really. the teachers keep impressing upon us that we only have 9months to cover 2years worth of syllabus. it would be intensive training for us from next week onwards. tell me, how am i going to balance everything??

working sucks. totally. feel like quitting it, but we are desperately under-hand. i know its an easy job but... my salary is not worth it at all. freak, why would i want to waste time here when i can do self study or something on my own??

crapp!! money money money! its driving me nuts!!

BAHHH.

i shall download 1 nds game then i'll shut the lappy. need to start on my essays. zzz.

xoxoxo
min

lit drives me mad

2009-01-16T12:52:00.000+08:00

gosh... i really dont know anymore. im brain-washed. i seemed to be losing out of control. i dont really know what i thought i was doing anymore. crap. it was all thanks to the literature class which drove me to insanities.

i shall touch on that later. now i shall do my usual blogging.

woke up especially early today to prepare for school. reached there around 840am and i thought i wasnt any early. but i was actually the earliest in class. LOLS. after i went toilet, the usual stomachache =X, i came back to the corridor and heard steven's voice.

went to the reception and saw steven and samantha. S.S. LOLS. they were talking about the room allocation. went to the big room then debbie came. the admin actually planned us for the small room, but the cleaner thought we were a big class so we got the big room. we actually preferred the small room so we went to the small room in the end.

had mr dev's english first. homework was to write an essay. >< then had his e maths class, it was not so bad, doing standard form. after that was lunch at long john. had fun mimicking xiao zhu with debbie. shi bu shi. lols. today's lunch was very rowdy. we talked, laughed, sing songs and crapped around. it was nice.

samantha and ayuni left for bio and the rest of us remained and continue talking. went back to class to talk somemore. the girls went toilet first and i was the first one to go back class. then i saw joshua standing outside the class. so i went and ask him when isnt he going into the class. somemore the lights of the classroom is off, which was quite weird cos i remembered seeing the guys switching on the lights.

i went in and turned on the lights and freaking steven was hiding behind the door and shouted at me. FREAK. i screamed lah! gosh!!! i hate being frightened!! made quite some noise and the admin managers came and "scolded" us. GOSH STUPID STEVEN!!!!!!! and stupid joshua too! cos he knew and he didnt warn me and just see me fall into the freaking trap! GOSH!!!

had ms angelee's class then. did abit of e maths and listened to her talk about her studies and her freaky ghosts experience. she seemed kinda stressed. hmms. anyway, was pretty grossed out by what she did for school. she's a biomedical student and she wants to be a pathologist. means she's the one who will be doing the autospy.

gosh, its such a freaky subject. she told us that even when a man dies, his brain still function, the nerve system is still alive. so sometimes when you cut open a man, you cut one of his nerves or something, the dead man's body will have some reaction like the hand suddenly bending up or like that.

GROSS. it's so scaryyyyy! ms angelee is sooooooo... weird. LOLS.

after class, rfina was telling us about the girl's toilet. she keep insisting that on the 2nd day of school, someone was using the first cubicle. but the thing was that, the first cubicle was always locked cos it's spoilt. but she kept saying she felt something next door. =S

i needed to pee so i went to the toilet but it seemed perfectly normal. *shurgs* i dont know... maybe rfina heard too many scary stories. tsk ms angelee, she should really stop that. HAH.

parted with rfina and went to jubilee popular with joshua and steven. talked about games and such. went up to popular cos steven said he wanted to get more assesment books. ~.~ end up it was kinda late for his tuition and he didnt get anything.

joshua actually wanted to check out the school at dhoby ghaut with me but it's another 2hrs before my class starts. so i told him he could always check it out on tuesday when we have business studies and a maths there. parted with him at the interchange and i went to the mrt.

walked around dhoby ghaut, checked around the handphone shops. still didnt see the phone that i wanted that is up for contract sale. ~,~ went up to spotlight and saw my beloved knitting needles and wool!

omgosh i was soooo excited that i wanted to buy some on the spot. i saw this lady who was carrying a basket filled full with balls of wool. GOSH! i was soooo happy!

wanted to buy some needles and wool for my new project but i need the exact materials. i dont really know so didnt get them on impulse. but i shall get them on monday after chinese. MWHAHAHAHA.

walked around and had dinner at kfc cos i really dont know what to eat. eating alone really sucks especially when i had such a nice time at lunch with all my classmates today. =(

walked deliberately slowly to school but i was still early like around 40mins. gosh. literature. well, for starters, many of my classmates are late like, the latest 1hr. most of them are malays or indians. =X then the teacher seemed not be prepared so she was rambling on and on. couldnt understand what she's saying or what she's trying to say to us. she point out some of our weaknesses but i notice all these weaknesses on her lecture too.

she said she dont want to quote anything from midsummer night's dream cos we all dont know anything about it. but she keep using that as an example and im like, hello?! what are you trying to say?

there was a 5mins break and after that break, i noticed some of the students are in the class anymore......

anyway, she wanted us to write anything. just write something and she wants to see what's our skill of writing. and she sets us this topic, "why i took up literature". so i wrote it like a conversation thingy and later on she explained it is wrong to write this for literature. OF COS I DO KNOW THAT. but how the hell am i supposed to write in a literature form with that kind of topic.

i havent been in school for 3years and im kinda rusty. how am i supposed to know how to write when she's so vague about everything? she doesnt gives examples to enlighten us. she doesnt gives us the format. she kept rambling on. at the start of class she said she dont want any interruptions in class. questions will be dealed with after the class. and during the class, she expects responses from us. the thing is, if we are confused with what you are teaching, and we cant get the answer straight away from you, how are we going to give you responses?

if those doubts arent going to be clarified on the spot but after the class, i dont think i will be able to understand the rest of the class. and you know what she says? she said she's not going wait for us to make the mark. we just gonna match up with her. if i dont understand this part of her class and i presumed i wont be able to understand the rest. so if my doubts are not going to be clarified on the spot, im not going to learn anything from this lesson. so that means i will missed out 1 class! how am i going to match up with her then?!?! GOSH! her teaching method is really weird!!!

she kept saying how bad we are and so forth. that's why, we are here to learn the way from her! but she doesnt seemed to be teaching at all. she just criticize and criticize. she doesnt give examples, no, she doesnt teach us what is the correct way. i dont even know what she's talking in class. when i tried to take down some points and notes, i couldnt even explain to myself what is this and that!

gosh! she is so contradicting! everything is so contradicting that i felt like crying in class. literature is my favourite subject and its one subject that i have confidence i would do pretty well and would enjoy it very much. but after he lesson, i felt like i dont know what is literature and i totally have no idea what to do about it. i felt so demoralized. nah, more of... disheartened.

it was that bad. but it's the first lesson. we shall just see first. hopefully it gets better when we get our texts and the teacher is more prepared. gosh. if it doesnt, im just really gonna do self-study.

it's just the first week of class and i already have to do 3 essays. one for mr dev, ms angelee and for lit. gosh i dont know what to do anymore. i have work tomorrow and i just dont know how to die. CRAP. i really dont feel like working but who is going to support me financially? guess i just gotta be more hardworking then. cant slack no more ms toh. or else you will die die and die.

i was so depressed that i went into the beancurd shop to eat beancurd in attempt to cheer myself up. i really like the mr bean's beancurd dumplings but my house there sold a different kind, but similar. so i went in and bought one.

it was really a bad ideaaa. after i finished the dumplings and most of the beancurd, i found all the sugar syrup at the bottom of the bowl. i was like, crap!!! everything is so crappy!!! i finished the top part of beancurd with that bland taste and when i came to the end, everything was too sweeeet to swallow! why is my life so miserable?!?!

left the shop totally so pissed with myself and everything. all thanks to the literature class. my brain has just rupture. fuck.

xoxoxo
min

4th dayy still so suayy

2009-01-15T12:49:00.000+08:00

4th day of class and im late again. GOSH! im ALWAYS late. 4 times straight in a row. oh gosh. no no no. this cant go on. i cant be late tomorrow. im gonna wake up extra early to prepare.

had a stupid stomachache this morning when i woke up. it was okay when i finished bathing, it was when i was on the bus, the pain came again. crapsticks. i couldnt even walk fast. wanted to use the toilet at amk hub, at first i wanted to chiong to school first to use the school's toilet but i cant stand the pain, but the freaking toilet at amk hub was closed for washing. ~.~

rushed to school and chiong into class. left my bag and rushed to toilet.

today's a whole day of enrichment classes. ~.~ sibei sianzed. had ms selvi[i think] for enrichment class. she's not so bad, did some english vocab excerise and we chat about.

we had a new classmate today and he's joshua. hmms. he's pretty... intense. the way he talks remind me of my elder bro; damn long-winded. LOLS.

had ms selvi until 11.30 then we went for lunch. rfina wanted to have chicken rice and i, actually, wanted to have something else. but she keep saying the chicken rice very very very good that end up, all of us girls went to buy chicken rice for lunch. HAHA.

the chicken rice uncle was nice, he gave an extra bowl of archar. more for angela i think. =S
chit chat while we ate. was planning to go library to return books but it was too late. went back to class while the girls went to popular to buy somethings.

then the guys and angela went for ss and geog while debbie, rfina and me stayed with ms selvi. chit chat while we do the english excerise. sometimes later, angela came into our class, dramatically, and complained that the ss/geog teacher sucked. she totally couldnt understand the lesson. she was so agitated lah. then she said "fuck" and left the room. LOLS.

then came steven and joshua, both looking tortured. joshua totally had no words to describe the class. LOLS.

angela came back and complained abit more. it was damn funny lah, seeing them looking so tortured. haha. we[me, debbie and rfina] kaypoh and went to see the teacher. didnt see much. =S

went back class and debbie went to get the feedback form from the admin to give angela to complain. HAHA. then the rest of us start to slack and talked about some things.

after their ss/geog, angela, steven and joshua came back to our room. steven came in and said "i want to cry". LOLS. damn funny lah. then they told us that ms siti would be teaching our enrichment class later and all them dont want to take her class. LOLS.

so end up only me, steven and joshua stayed behind. =X

hmms. ms siti looks very... haughty. she hardly smiles or laugh. =S she let us do our excerise and if we have any questions we go and ask her. so i asked her about e/a maths and joshua and her started trying to solve the questions.

after a few questions, joshua got tired and started talking to ms siti about some things. talk and talk and talk and i finally gave up on the maths and join the chit chat.

checked my phone after class and saw both angela and debbie sms-ed me asking how the class was. LOLS.

it was okay lah... it wasnt that bad actually. probably cos we're just minding our own business. so far so good lah. not that horrible as the ss/geog class. hahahaa.

left for library with joshua. joshua recommended me to read this 'twilight watch' book by this weird author but we couldnt find the book. slack around library for awhile and we left. went to bus stop and waited for 853.

chit chat with joshua about phoenix wright while waiting. yupps. after talking to him for awhile, i think he's quite alright lah... he's just like my brother. but i couldnt snipe at him if he gets too long-winded, that's the whole sad part. ><><

so now i shall drink coffee and start knitting. if not, i shall read my book. okays, toodles~

xoxoxo
min

3rd day of class

2009-01-14T12:02:00.000+08:00

i am officially leeching on someone's house internet and i feel damn bad. so i shall make it short. same as usual, i have "updated" some posts from a few days ago cos my freaking wireless is down.

it's only the 3rd day of school and im already am feeling tired. tired of getting up in the morning to catch the bus for school. tsk. what's wrong with me.

today woke up extremely early and went to take train to dhoby for school. while waiting for debbie to come, met steven. since steven and i are both for the a maths class, i asked him to wait for debbie together too.

hmm. we're just slightly late cos debbie was enjoying her bath too much. WAHAHA. walked into school and check out our rooms. saw mr dev. haha. he told us our rooms are at the 2nd floor. so we went to check it out and realise its a LOOOOOONNNGGGG flight of stairs. =S

luckily, it was not so LOOOOONG. so we went into our rooms quickly. my a maths teacher was pretty fine. he's very patient and very... sporting?? cos there's this one guy in my a maths class... LOL arh that guy. he kept asking slightly out of the point questions and some of these questions are kinda difficult to answer. and sometimes, i just couldnt comprehend what is he trying to say or ask.

but my teacher was nice enough to entertain him. yupps. was constraining my laughter as i watch my teacher answering that expert's questions. it's damn funny can. really funny. omgosh. it's nearly about the same as mr yeo's class. HAHAHAHA.

then there was this one time we're having our short break, this guy from business study just burst into our room and said: "i am going to transfer into a maths! business studies so difficult! stress arh stress!"

he was soooo dramatic lah. my teacher told him to carry on business studies for abit more before really wanting to transfer to a maths. but he was convinced he couldnt stand business studies. LOLS. then he just left and went back to business studies. haha. the expert then started talking about his experience. HAHA.

anyway, the lesson was pretty good though my brain is really rusty after all these years. couldnt really fully function properly for a maths. but so far so good lah. with more practise, i think i can do better. :D

after class walked to mrt with debbie and steven. debbie says she's not joining us for enrichment class so me and steven went to amk ourselves. bought bread for lunch cos we dont have time for a proper lunch.

reached school and went into our enrichment class. the rest of them still having their lunch break. ~.~ when they came back, only samantha and ayuni was there. ~.~

angelee, the teacher, is damn funny lah! she told us lots of ghost stories and so and her LIFE, HER BREATH FOR NARUTO. hahaha.

after her lesson we had class with mrs islam. did abit of chem and physics, went to computer lab to do abit of chem stuff. then school end at 5pm. today is the longest school day of my private school life. ~.~

walked to interchange with samantha. didnt know she's from d'arts too! gosh! so many similarities! talked about some cca stuff, reached amk hub and we parted ways. took 24 and went home.

gosh i am so tired. really. dont know why. probably from the tension and stress. but i shall do my best! yes!

okays, i dont know what to write now and the wireless is kinda unsteady. shall end here then. take care everyone! =D

ooh.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMANTHA! =D

xoxoxo
min

2nd day of lateness

2009-01-13T11:59:00.000+08:00

second day of school and im already late. yes, late. blame it on my absent mindedness. crapsticks lah. cos i thought i have left my wallet in my black bagpack but it wasnt there when i was preparing to go school. i flipped through the whole house for about 15mins then my maid went to search thoroughly in my white "school bag" and found the freaking wallet. dashed off to take cab but it's all BUS LANE. DAMN YOU ALL BUS LANES!!

finally gotten a cab at 9am, smsed debbie to tell her im late and to inform the teacher about it. reached school in about 15mins time and my shoes are like, 1 leg loose, 1 leg okay. ~.~

had english for 1st lesson. i thought mr dev was pretty great. he's very funny lah. did formal letter writing. hmm, i wished i could have gotten a higher mark though, i thought it was pretty well done. =X dunno. he's marking as what the cambridge examiner is going to be, so i guessed what i got today was pretty good for a start. (:

proceeded to e maths with mr dev too. was shocked by the number of topics we have to cover before O level this year. gosh. i really hope i can pull through. ><>< haha.

mr yeo damn funny can. he keep talking crap and cracking lame jokes, making us all side track and so high about the nonsense. even when i think about mr yeo now, i cant help but burst out laughing lah. the stupid thing about "his pet rocky" and "his pet rock". samantha damn siao, keep saying his pet rock, making me laugh like hell.

then we keep cracking some "rocky" and "pet rock" jokes. damn funny. laugh like siao. ooh, i didnt know samantha from plmgss too. so after enrichment class, i walked with her to the mrt cos i was going to united square to settle some work stuff.

chatted about some of the PL stuff. wah, samantha damn good can. she got a signed permission to wear sports shoes to school. damn good lah. i think she's like, one in a million lor. sports shoes leh. i thought PL damn strict one?

laughed again when she told me about the PL uniform. she told me that the belts are getting higher and higher and the skirt length getting longer and longer. then one day they will all become da chang jing. LOLS. damn funny lah.

parted with her at the mrt. trained down to novena and did some of workies thing. trained joyceline about work and ate dinner with kelly. kelly also siao siao one. she damn high. hahas. left for home to buy dinner for my mama and bro around 830pm. and here i am.

i feel kinda tired but not so tired too. in the sense that, everyday im doing something different, learning something new. i feel happy. really. at first i thought samantha wouldnt bond with us, but she proved me wrong. she's pretty nice to hang around, especially since she's from pl too. heard some gossips about PL that i think i would never hear before. i mean, she's from NT so she probably got this out of some poor unsuspecting teachers. WAHAHA.

im surprised i liked my class. i thought my class would be big and i would be a loner again. but its not. my class is small and my classmates are great. i can get along with all of them. ayuni is a very cheeky girl who makes me feel very naughty. HAHA. debbie is someone who you can talk to about anything. yea. though she has a very weird interest in murderers and rapist. HAHA. angela is like a da jie da. she has her mindset and is always leading us on. samantha is like the "out of the box" person. she's always saying something unusual. like what we'll never think of. its good too cos its funny. HAHA. steven is the shy boy next door. hahas. he's very man enough to always accompany us girls for lunch and checking out where to head for the next lesson or enrichment. rfina is also like a da jie da, but she's more quiet. yeah, but can be quite chirpy too.

ooh, i notice most of my girls in my class got sensitive skins lah! all dont want to stand under sun. so sad! like that means we cannot go sun tan together le. *sobs* i dont care. im gonna drag them all out to suntan one day. MWHAHAHAHA.

okies, i shall sleep soon too. tmr's samantha's birthday, i was wondering if we should get anything for her. a cake or something maybe? =D

xoxoxo
min

proper proper post =D

2009-01-12T21:55:00.002+08:00

alright, i shall do a proper blog post today. the previous 3 posts were done with my wireless down, and my freaking emotions on a roller coaster ride. so you can see i'm pretty much rather random, crude and just penned down my thoughts.

i shall do a proper post here though, in mac, with a stupid whee ee whee ee squeaky noise in the background. it's really stupid, cos it's damn irritating. alright i know, i dont make sense.

now sitting here in mac makes me have second thoughts about the 8bucks an hour when i go back during the chinese new year period. cos... macs changed alot, and so do i. i just dont know if i can cope with it as there had been many new changes. which some, im not even introudced to yet.

oh, and sitting here in mac makes me damn guilty. guilty of having the need to spend 5bucks for fries and drinks so that i wont seemed to be leeching on the wireless only. i know, wireless is free. but the SEATS aint. i know, the seats seemed to be free, but im not so thick skin to the point of buying an extra small drink and melt the chair with my butt with that miserable 1buck. it's just so... embarrassing.

crap i had to stuff my stomach with a medium twister fries. would have gotten small fries but i feel so... bad. i dont know. aiyah, im so weird.

been reading 'the cupid's effect' by dorothy koomson. OHGOSH i HAVE TO RAVE ON THAT BOOK. IT'S AWWWEEESOOOME!!! DAMN FUNNY LAH THAT BOOK!

it makes me snort and laugh out loud. gosh that book is so funnny! everyone must try! its only 7bucks for paperback at popular. =D you will love it, i assure you!

HAH. blogging is still the best when you're doing it on the spot. i mean, i often gets sianzed halfway when blogging with wordpad. yes... it sucks, but i really need to put down my thoughts. so i have no choice but to use wordpad.

anyway, sitting here at mac makes me abit uncomfortable too. cos i was busy gorging myself with my twister fries before it gets cold and trying to use as much of the wireless here before my battery runs flat. but the thing is, i have totally forgotten there is windows here. crap, people outside can totally see what im doing! especially the gorging the fries part.

MAN! it's already too late. they have already seen the worst. i only can hope i wont cause another tragedy of them choking on their coke or whatsoever seeing my disgusting behavior. 1 traumatic experience is already fine, 2 is really, er, too much.

i cant stay too long here cos i need to get home and sleep and prepare to wake up for class tmr. [it's not because my small green tea is going to finish, i assure you, its NOT.] it feels weird to be doing 7-5pm again, like the usual school.

i came home at around 5pm+ today and feeling altogether so weird. im like, already used to reaching home at night, playing abit of computer till 11pm and sleep. but today i was already at home by 5pm and i totally got nothing to do.

im abit lazy to go out again. yes, blame my laziness. it's been causing me ALOT of troubles. i have so much i wanna do. like searching for the perfect phone. [i saw it today at s'goon central.] and checking out a new lappy for my elder bro. going to the library to borrow books. researching on some knitting stuff. gosh, i have alot to do.

BUT IM JUST TOO LAZY. argh.

just wait till i have homework. i wont even bother to go out and buy dinner. i would probably starve to death than to raise my butt and move out.

gosh.

anyway, just before i MIA again, i wanna pen down this thought. might be a lil embarrassing and cringe-inducing. but it's part of growing, so im gonna write it down.

i just cant help but notice, nearly all the girls in my class has a boyfriend. i know... sometimes i wish i have a boyfriend too. but this kind of thing cant be forced into. im still waiting for the ONE who can understand my humour and tolerate my insanities. i do hope, there is such person out there.

and i hope, he's not anywhere near hougang green or woodbridge. yes, i sincerely hope he's not there.

but then again, i wouldnt wanna just get into a relationship just cos everyone around me is. i mean, its not in me to do that. i just cant... stand some people who are like that. its kinda abit bad of me to say that... but i have been keeping this in my heart for so long. and i realise, i just couldnt close my eyes to it.

no matter what it is, it's just wrong. it's wrong, dont you understand?

*sigh*

you really need to be there to really understand.

i dont know. i dont know anymore. right now i just wanna study hard, make friends with my classmates, balance work and school, spend time with my REAL family and that's it. no more about the things that i totally cant control. its not my business to care, and people just dont need me to care.

*sigh*

i dont know i dont know.

xoxoxo
min

p.s: im sick and tired of those people who walked past me and glance into what im doing. it's kind... irritating?

this could be the start of something new

2009-01-12T21:31:00.000+08:00

HOHOHOHO! i really gotta blog this, i really gotta! today is my first day of school! *claps*

alright, how should i put it. alright. surprisingly, i would say i have a great day at school today. yupps. *nods. the amk class was great, cos i think the class is small and the teacher has enough time and attention for all of us.

yes, when i say the class is small, it meant really small. let's see huh... 6 girls 1 boy? HAHA. 7 in total. yupps. but that's only for my science class, i dont know about the rest. so far so good. made friends with my classmates, except for one. that emo straight As girl. she damn emo, i very scared. =X

had phy/chem for first class. the teacher is nice and friendly, though she made quite some mistakes that makes me blur. sometimes when i point out the mistakes, she will say she write the correct one, but later when she elaborate more, she then realise she's wrong. LOL. made me confuse sia...

classmates are fine, or good if i may say, cos all of them are rather study-orientated, which i was super glad! lunched with them at the hawker center then took train to dhoby ghaut for chinese.

woah, chinese was disgustingly irritating. nope, im not referring the teacher. i think she rocks. seriously. i mean, she's not exactly all chim chim cheena kind, even though she's from china. it was the class, which was pissifying irritating.

when we first stepped into BMC DG, i was SHOCKED BY HOW THE STUDENTS WERE DRESSED. while my classmates and i are dressed damn casually, like shirts and pants, the students there dressed like they are going clubbing after school. GOSH, i felt so underdressed and inferior.

went into the classroom, and angela insisted on sitting at the front. so the 4 of us, angela, debbie, steven and me trooped to the front desk. sat and waited for the teacher and class to settle down. the teacher sat us down to do some formal writing to see our standards. so we went to do it. but, the rest of the class are like talking and talking and talking. grrrrr.

angela keep saying the class is too noisy and can't concentrate. so i suggested her to take out her ipod and shut out the noise. but we're in class. >< the teacher seems nice enough, though, so i asked her if we can do that. her reaction was very funny. it went like this.

me: lao shi! lao shi!
lao shi: oh! you want to ask personal questions. no im not gonna answer them. *start to turn away*
me: no no no! lao shi! i want to ask you something else.

she damn funny lah. i think it was the way i called her, that's why she thought i was gonna ask her personal stuff. anyway, she allowed us to take out our mp3s to block out the noise, so the 3 of us immediately take them out and stuff them into our ears.

finished our essays and then slacked around. listened to teacher tell us about the O level papers format and school's over at around 4pm.

walked to mrt and debbie eye ball me to those 'mature and trendy fashion sense' people. ohmygosh lah. it was... holyshit. i dont know how to describe.

parted with debbie at mrt and trained down with angela and steven. bought my new shoes and met mandy's mum. chatted awhile then left for home.

overall i would say i've pretty much had a nice day. it was not that bad, or as bad as i thought it would be. yupps! im excited about school and i cant wait for the next day. i hope me and my classmates can be better friends. (:

i mean, after all, we only have ourselves for the rest of the year. HAH. (:

xoxoxox
min

p.s: i wanna blog more. but wireless is so damn unsteady. using wireless@sg now at mac, there is no freaking electrical socket.~.~

pardon meh

2009-01-11T21:33:00.000+08:00

pardon my crude language. =X

fuck wireless. i think i need to get broadband soon. i cant stand the unstable wireless here and there anywhere anymore. GRRRRRRR.

i feel so sianzed. money issue. it's driving me crazy. there's so many things i wanna get. SO MANY. but i just dont have the capabilities to do so.

crap. the stupid mc-cafe guy had to stare in. eversince jen said he's a shuai ge, he kept looking in. LOLS. hmph! as if i thought him as a shuai ge. MWHAHAHAH.

back to topic. money. crap. i owed my brother money and he's desperately wanting a new laptop for himself. school fees. i think the money i have now is only enough for until april the latest. crap another 6 months. that's a total of 2400bucks. where the hell am i going to find this kind of money?!

ARRGGHH.

then if im gonna get "wireless broadband", i gotta spend another 50bucks a month just to support it. plus i feel like changing my phone and getting a new mp3 or preferably, ipod touch. *sigh*

money money money. fuck it!!! im so fucking pissed.

i really hope my mum can strike lottery again. not that im begining to rely on gambling and everything. but that's the easiest way out.

dark and difficult times lies ahead, it's up to you to choose what is easy and what is right.

spineless people like me of cos choose the easy way out cos i wouldnt wanna die for righteousness.

see here, im working 8 days a month and my salary might be even barely 400bucks. i need to pay 450bucks every month for my school fees. another 50bucks extra that i needed to, somehow, fork it out. tell me, where am i gonna dig out the extras?!

yes my mama did assure me that she will give me allowance and help out abit with my school fees but my mama is notorious for her unstability. not that i wanna say this about her, but it's the truth. i've lived through the unstability for a few years, i fully know and understand my mama. i wouldnt wanna wait for the boat to straighten itself when the course is due. [pun, gosh.]

i dont know... crap i feel so crappy. why cant i live a normal life. [go on, say my favourite saying out. even though we know normal is boring.] i really wish we could get a pot of gold out of nowhere. even the approaching jolly goody chinese new year does nothing to cheer me up. AT ALL.

no doubt CNY brings a bout of free money but, in my family case, that does nothing at all! true, my mum, dad and grandma might give us ang pows, but other than that, NADA!!!!

crap. it's really thank God for macs that it's 8bucks an hour there. i cant really piang there cos of school. but its, i've calculated, another 280bucks for 4 days, plus food. really a good deal. i feel so excited whenever i think about the 8bucks per hour. HAH. in my head i can hear the jackpot rolling, "grh grh grh grh grh grh" with the weird background music that sound uncannily like ambulance siren. then the jackpot will slow down to show triple 8.

CHA-CHNG!!! 8BUCKS PER HOUR!!

*confetti everywhere and you hear the "gring gring gring!" of the huge number of coins pouring out of the jackpot machine"

WOOHOOO! 8BUCKS PER HOUR! *yes i know i've said that already...*

it's enough to make me wish for CNY to come faster. not cos of the holidays or food or ang pows, but the double pay! WOOHOO! 8BUCKS PER HOUR!

it's funny how i like to think ahead of time. as in, ~~worry~~ wonder about the future. just a few weeks ago, im worring about the school orientation. a few days ago, i was worrying about the first day of class. yesterday i started worrying what kind of friends i would make there. today, i started thinking about how my O level results would be. would i be crying or smiling like hell.

gosh, i seriously am thinking waaaay too much and that's not very healthy, is that? anyway, just a few days ago, i was REALLY REALLY anticipating school life, cos it meant me leaving this miserable full time job for good. [not really for good lah, im still back on the weekends...] but today, the eve of school, i am a lil panicky. cos im worried about the environment and everything there. it's a whole new experience for me and i hope i wouldnt make stupid mistakes. i wanna start a new life, i wanna shed the "stupid stumbling" hui ming behind. i wanna be smart and sassy. HAHA i know. but really, i just wanna be normal.

okay okay, but not so abnormal alright.

bah! i dont know i dont know. everything will be revealed tomorrow. guess i gotta just brace myself for the worse.

*sniffle* i want my mummyyyyyyy. ='(

xoxoxox
min

who makes it say it's okay for adults to dig their nose in public like kids? it's just so fucking gross, dont you think so?

okay, why is it always like this?? im always short of a few dollars to a nice rounded number sales. damn it's always like this. a few dollars to 200bucks. a few dollars to 300bucks. a few dollars or cents to 400bucks. gosh! it's pissifying!

damn those parents who stood outside the shop and watch their sons or daughters rampage and destroy my shop. gosh i HATE them. look, there's one that's standing in front of me eating tutu and her son is busy flipping aggressively at my books. gosh! why dont anyone care?!

oh gosh, nose digger. right in front of me.

it seems like they dont care if they messed up my shop. cos they think its not their repsonsibilities to put nicely back what their sons/daughters had destroyed. ONLY except in their house. what a big irony. gosh how i despised these people... dont they have any decency to feel embarrassed?? oh no no no.

really. they are just stupid people. argghhh.

i dont wanna think about the mess they had made. the damage. the agony. the injustice. fuck. im really not cut out to do retail. more than once had i have the urge to eye ball those inconsiderates idiots who mess about in my shop. more than once had i have the urge to retort to them that i do not sell things to pingy penny pincher.

GOSH!

sometimes i just hate being a salesgirl. totally sucked. it almost felt like you have no respect at all. they dont give you the respect as being a human, let only to a salesgirl. salesgirls are like, expected to pick up whatever shit the customers throw. we are allowed them ravage on us when they got a sub-standard products.

HELLO. GET THAT INTO YOUR HEAD THAT IM A SALESGIRL. NOT A MANUFACTURER. im not even the freaking machine who make your products.

gosh, some people are just stupid.

i just cant stand stupid people. damn. im getting all high and mighty now. fuck my pride. really. fuck it. sometimes i think i dont deserves their evil and low lying eyes. im like so much smarter than them. they cant even put one and one together to get two.

xoxxoxo
min

done before hand

2009-01-07T21:35:00.000+08:00

all these posts are done before hand =D

this is the day man. the day.

gosh. it's just orientation.

after meeting up with da jie yesterday, went to bed almost immediately. rolled around on the bed trying to sleep. da jie was right, i couldnt sleep.

damn.

i need music. i need music to calm and hynotize me. but then again i was afraid listening to my mp3 would be too distracting for me to fall asleep. end up, better than nothing, i blast on my mp3.

shuffled around a few songs and decided to repeat 'one in a million' by backstreet boys. I LOVE THAT SONG CAN! whenever i hear that song, i can visualise a girl, a model who felt that she can never ever be perfect. she felt that she can never be as good as those models around her. she felt that she can never live up to the expectations others had of her. people love her for her appearance, for her status, for her body. she felt no love. she dont think she's beautiful.

she can't take the stress of the modelling world, but she puts up a brave front, pretending everything was alright and she was perfect. deep down, when no one sees her, she cries aloud for the pain in her heart; for not being to be true to her heart, for not being to live with her heart.

but that's society. after every break down, she would gather herself up, apply makeup and step out into the society to fool everyone again.

sounds abit like the song 'reflection' by christina augilera, but more emo or emotional. yupps.

anyway, i woke up early today. damn everytime i have off or something, i woke up especially early. I WANNA HAVE A LIE IN!!! like for today, i woke up at 820am. usually when im working, i woke up at 845am then laze around till 9am to really get up to prepare.

SEE THE DIFFERENCE?! gosh what's wrong with my body. grrrrrr.

well... my stomach is acting up. i wonder whether its gastric or whether it's just anxiety.

sidenote: i keep typing wrongly!! omg! am i just blurr or am i... too nervous? argh!

yesterday i only had fried kway teow for lunch and dinner. [lunner?! you have brunch for breakfast and lunch, how about lunner for lunch and dinner? HAHA] i wonder whether it's gastric working up or not.

*edited*

i ran off before i can finish the morning post properly. now it's too late to continue. haha. that's ms toh hui ming for you. always do things halfway, my mum's favourite sentence for describing me. anyways, it's another whole revelation when i talked to my mum just now.

i am still in awed as to how similiar me and my mama is. both of us are kinda abit of a loner type. can't seemed to fit in into crowds and so. the more i talked to my mama, the more i realise we have the same thinkings. and im abit afraid that i might walk the same life as her.

same life as in, marrying the wrong guy, falling in love with the wrong guy and believing in the wrong sorts of people.

im really scared of it. because i dont have my mum's happy-go-lucky's attitude. i have gotten my father's practical attitude instead. i really cant wait for the boat to straighten themselves out. i need to do something. if there's a way i could alternate my way around, i would certainly go for it. and if there's something that i could have prevented or say, if there is a choice that i could make, i would have wished i have made the right, the absolute right choice.

after so many trials and tribulations, i find myself cowering and running away when problems arise. i know, it's so ironic. people thought that i have matured and strengthen after all the things i have been through. but sadly, and honestly, no i dont think so.

right. i may put up a brave front and all, but that's all i can do. what can i do?? most of the time i just wished that things would change on their own. i dont think i have done anything to solve the problems. i just keep pushing on in my life, hoping that it will go away on its own.

probably that's because the things that i've been through wasnt caused by the actions of my own. and i seriously have no idea how to make things better. but let's say, the problem that im facing now is the cause of my own actions, i think i'd probably died on the spot.

haha. me dunno. sometimes pride and ego stop me from degrading myself. i wouldnt wanna think i could have make such a mistake. that's the thing. denial. i dont know.

sometimes i feel like im still stuck at shock, about what happens 4years ago. i hadnt move on at all. im still in denial, still in the grief process. i havent accepted the mistakes i made. all i did was to push through, running away from the things that shows the truth.

i dont know. it's been so long and i still feel as broken as ever. maybe it's in the genes or maybe it's just me. i dont know. i feel sad for myself and my friends who were affected from what i did 4years ago. they dont deserve to go through that. they dont have to feel sad or regretful for not being able to do much for me. cos it's just me. i couldnt face the consequences of my own wrongdoings and i hurt many innocent people's feelings because of my own selfishness and ego.

i hate myself for it and i just cant accept it. it's just something that cant be fixed, like how time cannot be turned back and some wounds that cannot be healed.

anyway, being with kelly taught me something. never ever entrust your personal things to friends. because you will never know when they will turn around and stab you in the back. i have learnt how to fake a smile on my face, how to pretend to be jolly when deep in you feel like hell, how to resist pouring all your sorrows to your friends.

sometimes it's best to keep it to oneself. allowing someone to know your weakness might enforce you, knowing that someone will support you and helping you. but it also let them have a good chance to attack the softest and the weakest part of you, to break you completely.

i dont know. might sound like a terrible way to live, but... kelly's right. family is the only ones who could help you. family would never harm you. they would never even use the stupid sopping information you slapped on them to hurt you. i mean, what would they hurt you for? even if it is, it's all unintentional, unlike friends.

i dont know. i love my family and i trust them more than anything in the world. i dont trust my friends anymore and i wouldnt divulge anything to them. of cos there would be exceptions, like those people who have earned my trust and respect in our time knowing each other.

well. i guessed i have grown abit wiser. it's all thanks to those who have hurt me. yeah. thank you soooo much. (=

but ah min would always be ah min, as you guys know. i wouldnt judge you guys on our first meeting. i would always remain true. but unless you guys broke the trust, it's all over.

mummmmyy~ its overrrrrrr!

xoxoxo
min

FACE my personality

2009-01-05T10:55:00.003+08:00

did this personality test on facebook just now. i would have to agree with mandy it's quite accurate. though it's quite a tedious test to do. >.<

You are a Creator

Your imagination, confidence,
willingness to explore, and appreciation of beauty make you a CREATOR.

You are independent, and you enjoy your self-sufficiency.

Defying convention, you are very innovative, and you have a vivid
imagination.

The look of things is important to you, and you have a keen
eye for aesthetic beauty in multiple arenas.

You have a strong interest
in what is new and exciting—and that includes forging ahead with new ideas, not
simply discovering what is already out there.

Your eagerness to seek new
and varied experiences leads you into many different situations.

You're
not set on one way of doing things, and you are creative when it comes to
finding novel solutions to complex problems.

You trust yourself to be
innovative and resourceful.

Your confidence allows you to take your
general awareness and channel it into creativity.

You tend to do things
on the spur of the moment, not sticking to a set schedule.

You do your
own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by
other people's notions of style.

If you want to be different:

Appreciate the earthly,
practical elements
of things—there is beauty in form as well.

While
you are good at
thinking abstractly, focusing on details a bit more may help
you discover things
about the world.

how
you relate to others

You are Generous

Your awareness of those around you, along with your nuanced
perceptions of the world at large, makes you the GENEROUS person that you are.

You value time to yourself and understand how rich your private world
can be—you know that you don't have to go wild to have a good time.

You
are excited and energized by ideas and often enjoy things more through
observation than through experience.

This tendency gives you an
appreciation for different perspectives and opinions about the world.

Being as aware of others as you are doesn't mean you find it easy to
trust them immediately—this is something that happens more slowly for you.

Despite this, you are aware of the complexities of many situations and
are reluctant to pass judgments on others.

Although you have fewer
friendships than some people, those that you have are meaningful and are
important to you.

You value spending time alone—it is while reflecting
on the world around you that you often learn something new about yourself or
begin to understand something that's been bothering you.

If you want to be different:

Given how attuned you are to
others'
thoughts and feelings, you might find that trusting people more is a
way to
broaden your perspective even further.

While you know how
much can be
learned from observing the world around you, remember that much
of life can be
lived by experiencing it, not just by understanding it.

yupps, i would say it's quite true. especially about my personality. but i wouldnt consider myself generous. maybe it's just me or something, the term "generous" makes me think of monetary issues. like im generous with money, sharing materials and stuff. i wouldnt consider myself that way, cos, not say im stingy, but opening up and sharing just aint my nature. it's more of a... breed into. i learned to share and put others in front of me through many experiences and understandings in life.

im more generous on the non-material things. if you need someone to talk to, someone to accompany or whatever, i can be very generous to spend/waste the time away with you. i guess, that's my generosity. (:

alright, i betta get going to do my registrations. my poor mummy has fell asleep waiting for me to quit facebook and go bath. WAHAHAH. i am so bad.

heh. oh.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANDYYYYYY!

=D=D=D=D=D

xoxoxox
min

a world of revelationS

2009-01-03T22:54:00.005+08:00

there's a dull throbbing around the temples of my head and im sneezing like hell. i think im gonna fall sick soon.

or probaby im just PMS-ing. *shrugs*

it's all in a bad timing anyway. 2 more days and im off. my only off day[i think] before i depart my full time job and head for another full time job. SCHOOLING.

i dont wanna lie around my bed, sneezing and feeling too tired to go out on the 5th. gosh my only off day. i wanna pack it to the brim with activities. (:

oh i wanna sleep early today. so i shall keep it short today. =D

just talked to nikki on msn about which school to go and she gave me some great advice. yupps. i shall keep you guys in suspense as to which school i've chosen in the end. HEH. i will need all the help i can get this year regarding studying. i really hope nikki has time for me in her busy schedule. (:

second revelation i found out today was...:

HOW A SURGE OF BLINDING EMOTION

CAN ENLIGHTEN EVERYTHING.

i finally understood why. i finally understood what kind of person X is. yes. i've been so stupid. i've thought that people makes the world go round.

oh no no no. not for X.

to think i wanted to help X. i sympathize and empathize. i listened and i advised. I encouraged and i comforted.

BUT IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING.

since i am not, and never gonna be, part of X's life in any ways, i shall stop poking my big nose and lending my shoulder to people who dont' care.

this kind of people deserves to wallow in their own pain ALONE.

they will never find true friends.
they will never experience the power of friendship.
they will never find someone who really cares about them.
they will never find someone who will be with them forever.
they will never understand why they are always alone.

i dont feel sad for X. cos X doesnt need me to care.

i dont feel anything for X anymore. except probably the worse possible emotion you could get from a real friend who will always stand behind you,

PITY.

i pity you.

xoxoxo
min

just so you know...

2009-01-03T00:36:00.006+08:00

i HATE people who uses other people's sympathy or empathy to manipulate them.

worse still,

THEIR TRUST.

what makes you ever think i would mellow in the same stank as you? i'm not even there yet.

xoxoxo
min

p.s: read the 'i hate liars' & 'what can i do' posts to understand WHY.
p.p.s: as for the 'what can i do' post, scroll down and read the part when i enlarged the font size.

ME[NO MORE]]

2009-01-01T23:28:00.003+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2009 is finally here! GOSH HOW I LUUURRRVVVVEEEE 2009!

it will be a brand new year, a brand new start. betcha all can't guess why im getting so emotional, erm i mean hyper, about 2009.

well, 2009 is the year I AM GOING BACK TO STUDY! please note i meant STUDY and not school.

right, after all these years, i am going back to study. yes. betcha all thinking, which school huh? nah, ms toh doesnt wish to divulge personal information to all you people. NEH NENI BOO BOO!

HAHA. i am just joking. (:

i haven't decided on the schools but i'm choosing between BMC academy and MDIS college.

well, the reason why i WOULD choose BMC will be because,

firstly:
the school fees. it's relatively cheaper compared to MDIS.
secondly:
it offers literature, MDIS don't. which was kinda sad.
thirdly:
i wouldn't be afraid of getting affected by the schooling environment. you know, friends and stuff. it will be a pure STUDYING year for me.

sidetrack abit cos i find myself contradicting.
ever since i started planning earning money for school fees last year, i just can't wait to start studying. i missed studying and i missed schooling.

right, that's the contradicting part. i missed the going-to-school, attending-lesson, doing-homework, hanging-out-with-friends-after-school life. i missed the schooling life. but the thing is that... the very core motivation for me to go back studying was because i wanted to get my O level cert.

i knew i couldn't go back to secondary school, even though im pretty sure PL will welcome me with open arms.[erm... after typing this sentence, i wasn't that sure actually...] i would have to attend a private school.

probably it's the long isolation from being a student, im actually quite afraid of the schooling life. i feel so old. i feel like i could never get along with students. [that's why i just can't bring myself to try and reconcile with the dodos. i really wanna be back with the dodos. i really want. i miss my friends... really, truly and deeply. but there's just this barrier. maybe it's pride and ego, maybe i just feel too shameful and inferior to be with them. IM SORRY BIRDIES. BUT GIVE ME SOME TIME!]

if truth to be told... i always thought i was... abnormal. [even though we all know normal is boring. (:] i thought that, if i can get an O level, i could go to JC or Poly, and i could be just like any other teenagers my age... being a student and all... and i wouldnt feel so... out.

that's why i can't wait to go back studying. i can't wait to change my life.

anyway where am i? oh yes. so you guys get me?? i wanted to go back studying was for a MOTIVE. it's not for the cert, the results printed on the paper. it is for the existence of the paper to solidify myself. i need that O level, so i could go to JC or Poly like any kids my age are. so that i could be normal.

well, whether you guys get me or not, it's huge chunk of sidetrackyness. so let's move on.

riight, and that's the reason why i would choose BMC.
money, course/subject provided and environment.

as for MDIS, here's what i think about it.

firstly:
it's highly recommended. whereas BMC, from what i heard from my friends, received not-so-good testimonials about the course and the school. many said that they didnt benefit much from it... it's a worrisome spot that makes me think not just twice about choosing BMC as my final answer.
secondly:
great environment. i wouldn't mind mixing around and making new friends. it wouldnt be so lonely anymore in my life.

it's the reliable course program of MDIS that makes me wanna choose it. i mean, that's why i wanted to go back 'school' for my O level. i need guidance. i need people to teach me.

but human resources is cutting my options and "luxuries" short. MONEY. damn i wish i am rich. i wish i wouldnt have to worry about school fees. pocket money. and maintenance.

gosh. it's such a sore topic and im starting to retreat into my 'old lady' mode. i know people might tell me to go for MDIS since it's much more reassuring than BMC. i shouldn't be so bothered by school fees and money. but the thing is that, money doesnt come easy for me. i know... who doesnt think that money is not easy to come. BUT I NEED TO EARN MY OWN MONEY. i cant take it from my mother. she can't give me any money at all. she has her own problems and don't want to burden her with mine.

tell me where am i going to find time to work when im gonna study full time. worse still, private school is soooooo expensive. =( no. i dont wanna study part time. i think that's a waste of time. [for my case.] i know, im like so stubborn and rigid but...

*sigh*

damn. i wanna talk to nicholyn. i need to talk to her. badly.

im so confused right now. im open for more opinions, so drop me a comment if you like. (: oh, do it by monday if possible, cos im off on monday and i'll be doing my registration that day.

monday monday monday. it's so soon!

anyway anyway, enough of these vexation thoughts. IT'S NEW YEAR! WOOOHOOOOO!

went for countdown at marina bay yesterday with AUNTIE jen [HAHA] and her friend. don't know how to spell her name but she introduce herself as I.T. like information technology. yupps.

met jen and IT at citylink and walked all the way to this condominium next to the NTUC building. we were gonna view the fireworks display on the 44th floor!

envy eh? haha.

it was pretty cool and pretty high class and im pretty sure i will never ever get the chance to go there anymore, so it was altogether a pretty quite fun experience for me. (:

slacked around at the window panel, talking. it was such an coincident that:

1. denise the pangseh gui is studying psychology. IT is also studying psychology.
2. earlier that day, mandy was sms-ing me about psychology also...

what a PSYCHOlogy day. WAHAHA.

chatted and slacked around while waiting for the day to turn darker. 12midnight, 2009 seemed to take so long to arrive.

i was kinda... intimidated by the classy people who arrived and congregated there as the night goes on. i could never fit into them and i feel so... inferior. it was such an uncomfortable feeling. what's more, we were being 'eyed' by many people cos of the 'hogging the window' thingy. gosh. it's the most awkward sensation.

emo-ed abit thinking about how sad and torturous my last few hours of 2008 seemed to be. as 2009 draws closer, with jen standing next to me egging me to video the fireworks and anticipating the counting down of 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, i was starting to get excited too.

slightly disappointing, we didnt hear the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. but the firework display was really AWESOME! GOSH! the view on the 44th floor is really different from the ground level. the fireworks were literally, exploding in front of our eyes! it's the first time i've seen such beautiful fireworks live and it's breath-taking.

lucky or unlucky [depending on how you see it], some bunch of rowdy guys near our window display made alot of noise like screaming and whooping and all sorts. it was pretty high. but nonsensical at the same time. haha.

the fireworks lasted 7 and 1/2 minute. I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. i've video-ed it down and am replaying it every now and then to refresh the beauty of it.

after the fireworks ended, we immediately left the condo. thank jen for accompanying me home. she was 'supposed' have a free ride home from IT, but she was worried about me getting back alone. so she joined me in the long, tiring and HOT battle with the throngs of people making their way to the MRT.

the telephone system seemed to be jammed cos jen cant make her calls to her friend and sister. we were kinda lost, and wanted to call her friend for help but damn the telephone lines. in the end we managed to arrive at the mrt and get into an empty mrt cabin. it was really lucky.

alighted at ang mo kio and we went mac to have a drink. rested and chatted for awhile and we cabbed home. bathed and slept almost immediately.

i wouldnt say the last few hours of 2008 was horrible. i think the fireworks and the journey with jen to the mrt made it up. yupps. even though it was tiring, hot and sweaty, i am still happy about the whole countdown thingy. i wouldnt mind going for next year but next year, im gonna squeeze in the crowd, listening to the live band, and screaming my lungs out welcoming the start of the new year. (:

xoxoxo
min

p.s: i know i ended this post like so... not me, but im tired. i took 1 1/2hr to blog this... gonna endured another 3 days before it's monday my off day. wheeeeee. will blog again with photos and everything next time. HEE!

pp.s: argh! i wonder how to dosy manage to get 93wpm for the what's your typing speed in facebook. GOSH SHE IS SO FAST. my fastest is only 80.... DOSYYYYYYYYYY.

FACEBOOK

2008-12-31T01:01:00.003+08:00

I OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCE I AM IN FACEBOOK.

thanks to aries. SHE ROPED ME IN WITH THE STUPID PINKIE HOOK.

i know. i know. im lagging behind times. other people play facebook until damn sianzed and im only just started. well. better late than nothing, right? (:

facebook is so damn complicated lah. so many widgets and applications. don't even know what the hell to click and everything. well. i have 2 facebook experts. so i can always turn to them for help. MWHAHAHA.

today is so fucking suay. sales was damn low. not to mention the shop is messy and cramped with no more than 2 people space allowance. asked my boss for help but... i think asking my brother for help would be so much better. (:

damn pek cek that i started repacking everything. spent like the entire afternoon folding the jimmie jams. fold until my eyes flower flower. [yan hua hua]

after that went to rearrange the whole shop to make space for elm tree. stayed behind 1hr to finish up. chat with aries while waiting for kelly. THAT IS WHEN I WAS BEING ROPED INTO FACEBOOK. damn she was playing the pet society and she asked me to join facebook. probably so we can go each other's house. ~.~ kinda crappy. *oops*

had fun editing my profile. writing rubbish has always been my forte. (:

anyway, explored abit of facebook and got thoroughly confused by the many applications, i logged off and here i am, chatting with jasmine who DONT WANT TO SLEEP DESPITE IT BEING 1AM NOW.

tmr me gonna wake up early so i think i SHOULD sleep soon. gonna chat abit more with jasmine before shutting down.

tmr is the end of 2008! booooo!! 2008 has been an eventful year for me. yupps. i hope 2009 will be better. HEE.

alright babies, nitenite all!

xoxoxoxxo
min

p.s: i wonder why OP people walk so fast... especially that OP guy. holyshit he always walk faster than me. for what? chiong so much...

or issit im slow.

HMMMMM.

me dunno

2008-12-29T21:47:00.002+08:00

i dont know how i feel right now. it's really crazy or should i say, fucked up, these few days.

work was really... disastrous. i shant elaborate more, but maybe for once, i should just let my boss settle everything. i mean, what for do we push so hard for?? does she appreciate it? so what if we do well, we only receive a cursory 'thank you'. if we do it badly, we get treated to one of her typical black face. i dont even know what's going on in her brain, probably she's thinking we are such incompetent staffs.

but get this straight, i dont think we are incompetent. we just lacked the resources and authority. or so i think, for my case. if im given the required resources and authority, im sure i can fufill my task. i can even give you a satisfying answer. but i dont. so i cant do my job well. and it just reflects so badly on my competency and i just HATE IT.

bah! talking about work makes me sianzed and angry!

anyway, went down to hgpt today to tender. found out that siti is still MIA. i do hope she's fine now... and i wished to see her soon. siew choo wouldnt tell me the address... so i just gotta bribe my way out... HAHA. i really hope i can see her before new year. i have so much to talk to her about. GET WELL SOON SITI!

i cant wait to go out next year! i mean, this year is coming to an end and nobody's free to go out... i can only wait next year. i cant wait to go out with ciyin to bugis to shop for her friend's birthday present! that girl damn poor thing lah... bite her tongue while talking. much be she too violent le... WAHAHAHAH.

mandy's back! cant wait to see her again. hope she get well soon! i heard she's got alot of presents for me. wahahaha..... CANT WAIT! LOLS. supposed to be her birthday soon... but i still havent gotten anything for her yet. GOSH. im so late on the presents. damn.

must start to grow up and buy my presents this time round arh, ah min! grow up liao lah!! (=

dalalala. my eyes are tired easily these few days with the contact lens. must let my eyes rest. alright then everyone! nitenite! takecare!!

(=

xoxoxox
min

impulsive

2008-12-27T00:57:00.002+08:00

alright im gonna rant here for awhile, so people! dont take me too seriously yah.

i really dont understand. i really dont.

dont tell me i dont understand how love feels like. because i do, okay, I DO. i just dont get it! argghh! i mean like, it's TABOO. i mean, how could you get along with life like that? dont you feel like you're constantly on the edge of being found out and labelled the tittle 'slut'?

seriously. i know love can make us irrational. but to this point?! FUCK LOVE IS BLIND. i really dont want to be a spoilsport or whatever, but this is really getting on my nerves. i do not wish to taint the beauty of love, i do respect it and i do believe in it. but love is such a tricky business.

HOW COULD YOU TRUST SOMEONE, THIS UNCONDITIONALLY WITH YOUR HEART AND SOUL, WHEN YOUR PARTNER AINT EVEN "LEGAL" TO DO SO?? IT'S SO NOT EQUAL. LOOK AT IT IN A BY-RIGHT WAY, YOU ARE AT THE LOSING SIDE.

what happens then when you guys get sick of the game? what happens then when the other party decides to dump you? what happens to YOU then??

will the other party feel the pain like you do? will TOP[the other party] cry everyday like you do? will TOP lament the loss?? will TOP even think about how YOU feels???

FUCK NO!!!!

looking at it technically, you'll lose more than TOP. it will, therefore, NOT BE THE SAME WITH YOU AND TOP!

i might sound like bitch terming and measuring love like it's flour and sugar. logically looking at it, it should be like this. you give in more, you lose more. the higher you climber, the harder you fall. it's the same vice versa.

how could you trust TOP when TOP just aint balancing the scale?? it's just... not right.

im sorry, but when it comes to love, im always on the paranoid mode. probably that's just me or maybe it's just in a girl. hey come on, I HAVE BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE. AND I HAD BEEN HURT BY IT BEFORE. i know how it feels to be hurt. i know how it feels to be out of love.

i dont wish to see anyone getting hurt by love, especially those closest to me. i will protect them if i can. i NEED to protect them from getting hurt.

how can i stand it when i see an unpromising case in front of me??

dont tell me im sour grapes or whatever shit. IM NOT TRYING TO FORM A SINGLES-UNION CLUB. fuck you all.

it's just that TOP is so SHADY. I JUST CANT TRUST TOP. I CANT!

i dont want to be meddlesome or whatver. but i cant let a person die in front of me without helping. I CANT DO THAT.

FUCK LOVE. FUCK THE SENSELESS LOVE.

love drives us all blind and makes us lose our irrationality. is being in love the most important thing in the world?? are you willing to sacrifice everything for LOVE?!

why does everyone craves to be in love?? i mean, in the sense that, when they found out that someone likes them, they immediately jumped onto the wagon and clinged onto it. even the love is wrong, why are they still blindedly continuing down the road, self-justifying themselves with loads of reasons, excuses, illogical ideas and false assumptions??

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE. LOVE AINT ALL.

i seriously dont understand. i just dont.

might sound bad that im actually waiting for the day that the bad news will come to me. like i said, it's an unpromising case.

i really wish i could slap you and shake you sober. but you are simply too intoxicated. your ["selfish"] desires blinded you too far. i understand where you are coming from but... you don't need this love. you deserves better.

i really hope everything will turn out well. if i ever found out that TOP is a cheating piece of shit, TOP better fucking watch out. I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS YOU FILTHY PIECE OF SHIT.

letting go... finally

2008-12-24T18:31:00.002+08:00

im rolling around denise room, playing with her lappy and waiting for her highness to finish bathing. i dont know what's the plan but let's just say, her highness has loads of ideas and high-ness for christmas eve activities. we shall see then.

was kinda bored today. the morning rain was so shiok that i didnt feel like climbing out to prepare for work. >< but nonetheless i did. had a terrible time trying to pull my contact len out of the sealed "box". cos the lady who taught me used some kind of a tweezer thingy. i didnt dare to use bare hands to do it. but after i reached my workplace and found out i couldnt find such tweezer, i used my bare hands to do it. tried 2 times before i could really pt my lens onto my eyeball.

played 'the world ends with you' on my ds. couldnt really understand how to play it. sianzed. ~.~

after that was a whirlwind of plans and long talk with jen about today and christmas activities. was actually planning to watch movie, but feel like singing. checked out the prices for the singing session and found out it was DAMN EXPENSIVE CAN.

didnt have any christmas eve's plans in the end. so i toodled to denise's house to slack around, forcing/coercing her to accompany watch twilight. i dont care. i got a bad feeling about this since her highness was kinda... moody. might end up spending some bucks buying vodka and drowning our sorrows in her bedroom. who knows.

anyway, i just wanna say. i'm glad. i finally understood and i finally let go. yes. we are 2 different people. we cant be together. we are too different. but im sure, if fate permits, we will meet again. im glad to have known you. im glad i have a part of you in my memory. what you have said to me made a big impression in my life and i dont hate or regret any part of it.

thank you ASKH...

xoxoxox
min

new year new look

2008-12-23T18:53:00.003+08:00

i think im some kind of a seaweed monster. i simple love any food with seaweed. seaweed shaker fries... the tao-kei-neo seaweed or whatever, seaweed/miso soup, the seaweed in bento. i just ate a seaweed-tuna bread and I LOVE IT. I WANT SOME MORE!! i loveeee seaweed! =D

anyway! 2008 is ending! that's why i changed my skin! yes! new year new looks! that's right babies! and for fun, i have digged through my archives and linked those posts that i really like. HEH. so bo liao right.

anyway, finally gotten my contact lens. it's kinda uncomfortable, but so far so good. the lady who was teaching me how to wear contacts kept praising me. she said im a fast learner. *grin* she said it's quite rare for a first timer to learn how to remove the contacts in 1 try. HAHA.

LET ME HAO LIAN ABIT LAH!

i thought she was just flattering me, you know? but she told me to ask my friends who wear contacts, how many tries did they do before they took out the contacts properly. i just learned like... less than 10mins and im ready to go. HEH. so proud of myself can.

MWHAHAHAHAHA.

anyway anyway, ms toh me very bored. dont know what to do anymore.

mouth damn itchy. shit. kana influenced by kelly le. keep eating. =X

oh, i wanna pierce a 3rd earhole. should i should i not.

HMMMM.

tata~ mwwwwaaaaccckkks everybardi!!

xoxoxo
min

so sick of love song

2008-12-22T17:27:00.002+08:00

I AM FINALLY BACK!

yes i've gotten a new lappy. *shhhh, cant tell my elder bro about it.* it's a dell inspiron, with 4gig ram and memory for a whooping cheap deal of 999bucks together with a usb webcam, 4gig thumbdrive and an optical mouse. great deal but it totally burned a big hole in both my bank accounts. damn. that's it for christmas and im going to end 2008 as a penniless girl. sad.

i dont think i'll be able to update anything from before cos my memory is totally whacked. im just gonna update a few this and that and that's it. =D

woke up at 9am by my mum and bro today. zzz. there goes my lie-in on my off day. mummy's drive-exploring to her workplace so i got up and accompany her. she made french toast today. ~.~ she dont know how to make it but she just pan-fried the bread with egg. it's just like egg with bread lor. ~.~ goes well with ketchup though. =D

after washing up, left with mummy. wanted to pay the radio tax or whatever, but couldnt find the letter. so ah wells. sweated for nothing. ~.~

went to marine parade. had fun exploring and egging my mother on to venture the unknown. finally reached her workplace. explore abit and we went to marine parade de shopping mall walk walk. the stupid carpark is like so damn complicated lah. the parking slot is so difficult to find. had to go all the way up to the 6level.

walked around marine parade, went to challenger and got this lappy! was hesitating about buying it cos i'll be using my school fee to buy this. then my mama persuade me to buy it. [more like she wants to play mahjong with it. ~.~] i cant tell my elder bro about it cos i'll bet he's gonna ask me to send it over to brunei for him. but! i cant bear to part with this baby. damn! i like this new lappy alot and alot! so im going to keep this news from him till we have more money to purchase another one for him. =D

after that we left for serangoon gardens to refuel the car. i know, retarded right, coming all the way back just to refuel. we actually wanted to go home to do some stuff, but didnt in the end. then we drove again to amoy street to look for the temple which blessed my mama.

got lost at tanjong pagar. didnt reach the temple in the end. so went home. but got lost again. drove all the way up to woodland bt timah there. drove to NUH and finally we got some footing cos we went there before when my grandma was hospitalised.

got lost abit until i saw the lornie road. then went to toa payoh cte and home sweet home. my mama was sweating like hell. cos she hadnt driven this far yet and she was panicking cos we got lost. but in the end we reached home without any help. heh. thanks to me!

went home and set up this lappy. stupid salesman, he told there's macafee installed in. in the end there's not. so i went to install the trial. maybe some days later i'll go back and ask him again.

so here i am. dont really know what to do yet. there's so many things i wanna do. like downloading new songs. *oops* download new games. *double oops* view some sites and download audition. i dont know if i wanna download audition. cos its damn addictive. damn. how how how??

haha. shall end here then!

will update soon! =D

xoxoxo
min

i will smile, because it's for you to know im happy because you are.

running out

2008-11-20T11:23:00.002+08:00

im seriously running out of games to play on my nds. ohman. that is saying something you know? [or probably not...] i have finished my phoenix wright series. damn that game made me cry at the end.

karma. whatever goes around comes around. it's scary how some people just cant let go. i mean like in the game, dahlia hawthorne. because of revenge, she did so many crimes. she doesnt feel any remorse at all. even when she failed her crime, she dont ever think she has done anything wrong. she thinks that she is right to do this to other people, just so she can reach her goal, satisfy her injustice.

and every crime she commit, another group of people get hurt. and the injustified people come back to revenge again. it never ends.

it's a vicious cycle.

gosh, just because of i-dont-know-who-to-blame, so many gets hurt. just because of that person selfishness, another set of people get hurt, worse still, killed.

dahlia wanted to revenge on his father, terry fawles and valarie hawthorne died because of her. because armando diego helped mia fey to convict dahlia, dahlia killed armando diego. armando diego, in his anger and hatred of dahlia, killed misty fey.

3 cases... all linked to 1 vengeful stupid woman. worth it?

no i dont think so.

ah well. all well ends well.

been kinda busy these few days, settling my mum's stuff and my boss's stuff. working has been making me sibei sianzed. my boss totally just throw everything to us and the pay is still so meagrel. i wonder who would want to work for us. but we just need to find a win-win situation. complaining or whining about the problem over and over again just wont help. like the other day.

i was settling my mama's car stuff. we owed quite an amount to the solicitor and my mama was insisting that the staff didnt told her we owed this much amount. i know she's trying to pin the fault on the staff but then, what for? my mama was 'arguing' with that staff over and over again.

i was so pissed and tired that i just cut in and gave them a proposal. a win-win proposal. the problem is there, its not the fault of the staff. even without the staff, if till this day you were to pursue the matter, the amount owed will be still the same.

so after my proposal, everything went smoothly. if i let my mama settle, i dont know when it will settled. ~.~

im trying to do the same for my work... im trying to think of an excellent win win solution for it. but so far... my boss seems abit reluctant to give in... i dont know... it's giving me alot of vexation and headaches. i want to settle everything by this year end.

okays, im having headache again. later im going back to united square to pack things. i dont know what exactly am i going to do but im just gonna try my best. haiz. gambatte min! you can do it! =D

xoxoxo
min

did you go MIA as you said before?
or did you have a memorable day?
i wish it was the latter and i wish you
happy birthday too...

im here without you but you're still on my lonely mind.

bombastic

2008-11-14T11:43:00.002+08:00

i cant believe i've dropped to this level of youtubing answers for my phoenix wright game. i used to mock and scorn abit at jasmine when she told me she youtube her answers. i mean, like, what for you play then? for the story? yea maybe, but where's the fun of playing it? solving the mystery and using your brain. no, using brain is abit vague. using your intellect to solve the mystery is the appeal of the game. it's the whole point of the game, no?

sorry to say, my intellect failed me. i am youtubing the answer now. =(

gosh i feel so... contradicting. contradicting to the point that even when i see the words i typed out, i feel like slapping myself. it's like... i cant believe im so stupid not to find the contraction in the game. pardon me, but really, i think im quite an intellectual person. i think with logic and reasoning. not say im hao lian-ing or what. but i really think, i am a thinker. i do think through my brain or heart, depending on the situation.

so anyway, i am youtubing the answer. gosh i am in such a mixed now. when i youtubed just now, i was in awed by the guy who posted the videos on youtube.

first, i applaud him for the patience of posting the videos.

next, i applaud his brain for solving the mystery. of cos this second point, i cant fully praise him for that. who knows maybe he found the answer online or something?

the thing about online is like this: you cant trust the person. there's many things offered on the net, who knows maybe he got the answer through some forum or whatever.

but still, in my first point, i do applaud him for his patience and abit of initiative. cos without his videos, i think i might be stuck there still.

damn i still hate myself for degrading myself to this point. youtubing for answers.... but then again, trials and tribulations is really very complicated. i mean, they give you damn little evidence about the case. you really gotta think way back far to solve the case.

after 3 series of the ace attorney game, this is what i conclude. if you believe your client is innocent, then you must have already got a plan formulated in your head, who's the real killer. if you know the killer, you must know how the killer goes about his crime. then you will be able to get through the game.

worse still, i started playing apollo justice. it's the same as the phoenix wright series, but somehow the characters dont appeal to me. i love phoenix wright, pearls fey, miles edgeworth, maya fey, dick gumshoe in the phoenix wright series. gosh i love PEARLS! she is so damn cute!!!

but this apollo justice... the only characters that i like were probably the judge and klavier gavin. klavier gavin is like, so SHUAI! haha. but i still like edgeworth. hee. :D

anyway, im stucked at apollo justice too. sianzed. got abit sianzed about the games these few days. probaby cos i chionged too much. like pokemon diamond, i've reached victory road in 3 days. now the stupid guy wont let me into the pokemon league. i dont know why, but it makes me feel so sianzed and i stopped playing too.

okays, i've got alot of things to blog but i really dont know what to blog. zzz.

ohyea, i remembered. damn i hate those people who only knows how to criticize other people. i wont elaborate more, but this is what i wanna say.

COMPARE YOU ALL TO MY MOTHER, SHE IS SO MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU ALL. WHEN YOU ALL GOT PROBLEMS, YOU ALL ONLY THINK OF DYING AND DYING! MY MOTHER FACE SO MUCH PROBLEMS AND YOU NEVER SAY SHE WANNA DIE. SHE IS SO MUCH STRONGER. UNLIKE YOU ALL, WHEN FACED WITH PROBLEMS, YOU JUST WANNA DIE. COMPARE YOU TO HER, WHO'S THE STUPID ONE? WHO ARE YOU TO CALL HER DUMB AND STUPID???

damn pissed off yesterday. damn.

my mother is really very strong. cos with so many problems, you still face them with optimism. i really envy my mama. i feel ashamed sometimes that, when the going gets tough, i tend to think of dying as a solution. yes, i do think of suicide as a way out to my problems. but when i think about the people i left behind, i just cant bring myself to do it.

but it doesnt mean the thought and the temptation never comes to me before. unlike my mama, she's trying to so hard to solve everything. and it just makes me feel happy and proud of my mama but also at the same time, ashamed too.

been taking to my mama these few days after work. talked about how i felt about my mama last time. cos apparently from what i relay to my godfamily, they somehow dont think much of my mama. cos like nikki's mum. she did so much for the family. everything she does was for her family. and everyone just think that she is very wei da. yes, she is very wei da, i dont deny it. but put beside my mama, everyone just think that my mama is not good enough. cos my mama's focus is not on the family.

i dont know if they feel it or not, but i dont like them thinking my mama is not a good mama. she's my mama after all. and after talking to my mama, i know my mama even more. and i feel abit sad and ashamed i have seen her so badly before and even told my godfamily about it that way.

my mama deserves all the respect a person does. true, she might not be the best mama, but she she is the strongest person i know of. she has faced with so much problems, so many traumas, but she still fight on. she still bears hope in life.

tell me, who still does that after so many problems? especially being optimistic in life. many people often become depressed or paranoid after all the problems they faced. and they tend to limit themselves cos they are afraid of the hurt they might get. i am speaking of, of cos, yours truly.

yes, that's why now i see my mama in a different light. she makes me proud. really. :D

kks, i shall stopped here. my elder bro's off to send ration. he told me he's a perm officer there. OH! i asked about jen's brother and he said, yes, a batch of officers arrived yesterday. HOHOHO. but they are not under him. so yea... hahas i dont know.

okies shall end her. tata~

xoxoxo
min

you know what?
see as you deem fit.